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  1. #31
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    I get this soooo bad but only when I really truly care about someone. Its as if I have decided that if they are worth caring for they are special to the extent that they can't be completely wrong about how they feel about me / treat me. It can be terrible in romantic relationships. If they don't treat me how I would treat them, there must be something wrong with me, or rather, there must be something I can do to change it. I get the nausea & exhaustion too. Though, once I disconnect from those people I can be extremely resilient. When it comes to people I don't count on, I'm pretty good at ignoring the kind of criticism or treatment that would normally hurt me.
    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    I get easily crushed by people I have placed in high regard, but I don't usually show it. I just move on, and die a little bit on the inside.
    idk why, but it happens to me too. And it's pretty much just people I really, really care a lot for. I figure if they care for me as much as I care for them, then we should be able to be open about what's wrong with a relationship (romantic or otherwise). It really turns my world upside down. I guess it's when the opposite personality comes out of me. It confuses the hell out of me. For the most part, this doesn't last terribly long. There are times when I have trouble with it.
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  2. #32
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Thanks to all for your comments on this, btw. A lot of them were really helpful. And I trust that most of you who suffer from a similar problem will be able to improve on it too. I am really trying to work on this right now, it is very difficult as I have recently landed in one of these situations but I am trying hard. I've heard it said that negative thinking can be as hard to break away from as many addictions - so I can't just sit tight and hope that my feelings will change without doing anything about it!

    Here's to not letting other people's view of us govern how we perceive ourselves. Not too much, anyway.
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  3. #33
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Thanks to all for your comments on this, btw. A lot of them were really helpful. And I trust that most of you who suffer from a similar problem will be able to improve on it too. I am really trying to work on this right now, it is very difficult as I have recently landed in one of these situations but I am trying hard. I've heard it said that negative thinking can be as hard to break away from as many addictions - so I can't just sit tight and hope that my feelings will change without doing anything about it!

    Here's to not letting other people's view of us govern how we perceive ourselves. Not too much, anyway.

    I think it's not just a question of choosing not to let other people govern us (it is in part), but for me at least, it's a question of being honest about my own intentions and needs and admitting my errors without exaggeration or being able to look at myself and others objectively. Then to learn to forgive myself and not take myself so seriously. Learning to laugh at myself has been salutary to a certain extent.
    I am also coming out of such a situation, but thank God, I am walking uphill now (I don't know what I would do without his grace).

  4. #34
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post

    I think it's not just a question of choosing not to let other people govern us (it is in part), but for me at least, it's a question of being honest about my own intentions and needs and admitting my errors without exaggeration or being able to look at myself and others objectively. Then to learn to forgive myself and not take myself so seriously. Learning to laugh at myself has been salutary to a certain extent.
    I am also coming out of such a situation, but thank God, I am walking uphill now (I don't know what I would do without his grace).

    Absolutely, you know something I find hard though? You mentioned "admitting my own errors", etc...I am far from perfect, but something I am generally able to do is admit my own errors. It's really hard when you're in a situation with someone where there is fault on both sides (as is usually the case), but you've been honest with the other person, admitted where you've gone wrong, apologised for it, etc...and they don't admit their own mistakes, they don't see the bigger picture, and make you feel like you're the big sinner in the situation (this was a situation where other people were indirectly involved too, and in a way it would be most fair to blame those people for precipitating the situation by their bad behaviour. The blame should have been shared out, in any case!).

    One of my problem is that even if I've cleared my conscience, seen where I've gone wrong, tried to repair the damage, etc...if someone else is still blaming it on me and not admitting their own blame, I tend to take that on board, and think that I must in some way be really blameworthy, or they wouldn't be reacting to me that way. Even if part of me is aware that their reaction says more about them and their own issues than it does about me.

    I'm working on that too, I guess...
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  5. #35
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post

    Absolutely, you know something I find hard though? You mentioned "admitting my own errors", etc...I am far from perfect, but something I am generally able to do is admit my own errors. It's really hard when you're in a situation with someone where there is fault on both sides (as is usually the case), but you've been honest with the other person, admitted where you've gone wrong, apologised for it, etc...and they don't admit their own mistakes, they don't see the bigger picture, and make you feel like you're the big sinner in the situation (this was a situation where other people were indirectly involved too, and in a way it would be most fair to blame those people for precipitating the situation by their bad behaviour. The blame should have been shared out, in any case!).

    One of my problem is that even if I've cleared my conscience, seen where I've gone wrong, tried to repair the damage, etc...if someone else is still blaming it on me and not admitting their own blame, I tend to take that on board, and think that I must in some way be really blameworthy, or they wouldn't be reacting to me that way. Even if part of me is aware that their reaction says more about them and their own issues than it does about me.

    I'm working on that too, I guess...
    I know what you mean. Notice that I wrote "admit my errors without exaggeration" -exaggeration is often the problem, I do see myself as the BIG sinner and I'm not realistic about what it's really all about.

    I am very compassionnate with you, I know it's hard, and I will pray things get sorted out for you.

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