• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFP] WHY THE HELL are INFPs so $(% depressed?!

Koocoomoo

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
127
MBTI Type
iNFp
Enneagram
4w3?
I swear I don't understand why it seems that no matter how happy I feel at whatever point in my life, for however long, I ALWAYS end up feeling like SH** again.
Writing, crying, and hating myself.
I can't stand it.
I'm so sick of it, seriously.
:cry:
 

Mad Hatter

Head Pigeon
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
1,087
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
-1w
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
The question is part of the answer. Since I've stopped asking the "why" (or more speficially "why me" questions), I feel a lot better :) (and I've had my moments ...)
Try to detach yourself from your feelings. Take a more observant stand.

Life may not always be easy, but it's an interesting place.



Sincerely hope that helps :)
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I would take the opposite direction. I'd find the why and work on that.
 

Mad Hatter

Head Pigeon
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
1,087
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
-1w
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I would take the opposite direction. I'd find the why and work on that.

Maybe, but there's always the danger of feeling sorry for your own being sad. It can be an endless cycle of self-reinforcing emotions.

Would you like to give some more details, Koocoomoo?
To be honest, it's somewhat difficult to offer advice without any further information. Please don't get me wrong - I'm really glad if I can help. I've been down that road, and I'm almost somewhat proud of myself that I could manage to get out of it myself.
 

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Sometimes it seems that certain people can really take on their type description as if they were the only people to posses those qualities or flaws..

I could have have written the OP myself..and I feel your pain
 

Scott N Denver

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
2,898
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I swear I don't understand why it seems that no matter how happy I feel at whatever point in my life, for however long, I ALWAYS end up feeling like SH** again.
Writing, crying, and hating myself.
I can't stand it.
I'm so sick of it, seriously.
:cry:

I've never felt this way.

Figure out who/how you want to be, or at least some part of it, and works towards that. Remember your strengths, everyone has flaws/non-strengths. Find things that bring oyu joy, meaning, purpose, happiness, enjoyment, and do them. Avoid things that suck ass or "steal things from you against your will." Feel gratitude

Work on that most non-INFP of skills, developing realistic expectations.
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Messages
4,517
MBTI Type
ENTP
everyone's like that.

INFPs just respond to that shit more than the other types.
lucky me, i'm a T, so i don't have to care, or even notice if i'm pissed off.
 

Yloh

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
183
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Life can be difficult in this aspect. Sometimes it can be very difficult to not be accepted or not believe one is accepted in this world.

I know being rejected by bullies made a scar in my life. For a time I believed I could never be accepted. This scar can still haunt me today, even though I am at peace with it.

INFP is not the most common personality type. This can cause some pain in life as that person can feel like they are truly alone. Nobody, even the most hardcore introvert, wants to truly be alone. The personality type doesn't go with the mainstream, it isn't popular, and can be frowned upon by others.

Even though NFs can understand people better than others, we are still not physics. Sometimes it can be hard to know what your friends are truly thinking about you. This in combination with what I said above can really bring paranoia and pain on one's life. The negative emotions only dwell inside of you and can even grow over time if not taken care of.

My advise is to find someone close to you who you can trust to release your inner pains. I find that releasing your pains is one of the best ways to defeat them. By talking to others who care for you, they will also point out your strengths and let you know that you are loved. Knowing that you are loved by others can help you love yourself.

I may be way off, but that is just my two cent. There is obviously a reason why you are depressed and talking about it with a trusted one can help you defeat your pain.

Oh, if you feel like there is nobody who you can trust in the outside world, then at least talk to somebody on the internet about it (you know kind of like what people do on this website). The internet can be great as you have a blank face and nobody can judge you by your history.

I truly hope this helps you.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Fi's a bitch in emotional intensity. Use Ne to balance it out, to build out a perspective on the world that isn't so gloomy, one that will show you the possibilities in this imperfect world of ours. Coz despite its imperfections, it's still worth discovering, very much so.

And the same applies to yourself btw :)
It is ok not to be perfect. It can even be a beautiful thing. It is ok not to constantly be extatic with joy. Negative emotions have their own beauty. Stop fighting them. Start experiencing them without judging or frustration ;)
 

Litvyak

No Cigar
Joined
Oct 5, 2008
Messages
1,822
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Try to understand and accept yourself before trying to impact the outer world.
Ask yourself what exactly is wrong, and what can you do to change it.

Everybody has problems and a very hard time now and then, but if you share them with others, that's half a success. :hug:
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
The problem with Fi is that it needs to evaluate and feel. If your disposition is one of despression, then that's what it's going to evaluate. That, in turn, makes you feel more depressed!

But there's good news to this!

The capacity to be constantly depressed (with occasional bright moments) also means you have the capacity to be constantly joyful (with occasional sad moments). They are born of the same mental processes. The problem is, unless you have some amazing people to help you through your younger years when reality starts crashing on your idealism, you are going to fall in the 'depressed' side.

That's the default, and that requires active effort to overcome. It's possible to shift from depressed to joyful, but it's not an easy transition to make. Life constantly bombards us with bad stuff, but rarely bombards us with the good.

Why? Because bad things just happen, but you generally have to earn the good things.
 

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
My advise is to find someone close to you who you can trust to release your inner pains. I find that releasing your pains is one of the best ways to defeat them. By talking to others who care for you, they will also point out your strengths and let you know that you are loved. Knowing that you are loved by others can help you love yourself.

I think there have been a lot of excellent replies already, but I just wanted to emphasise the ^ part and also let you know you're no way in the world to feel these kinds of feelings. But I really want to say to you that what is inside your head is not the truth, we screw things over sometimes in our heads and perceive things in many very weird ways that only will reinforce the feelings.

If you're clinically depressed I ofc understand it's not easy to realise this and go: "Ok, this is just how I see it, but there's a whole spectrum of stuff outside my perception I hadn't realised". It's a process, but realising is the very first step.

You sound very hypersensitivea nd that can cause a lot of pain, but only when focusing all of your energy towards it. Depression and self-loathing can be surprisingly rewarding in a very grotesk sense. It's a self-feeding cycle unless one opens up his/her vision and realise it does not correlate with reality.

I know my post didn't probably help that much at all and all the really helpful stuff have been covered with previous posts but I just sincerely hope you'll feel better. :hug:
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
A lot of this stuff about depressed INFPs is more or less enneagram 4 stuff, and not INFP stuff. But yeah, lots of enneagram 4's are like that. :hug:

EDIT: And I'd also like to add that enneagram has some ways of getting out of the depression loop. That system is all about self improvement really.
 

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
Joined
Mar 24, 2009
Messages
852
MBTI Type
RAD
Coz despite its imperfections, it's still worth discovering, very much so.

And the same applies to yourself btw :)
It is ok not to be perfect. It can even be a beautiful thing. It is ok not to constantly be extatic with joy. Negative emotions have their own beauty. Stop fighting them. Start experiencing them without judging or frustration ;)

It's the imperfections that makes the world worth discovering!
But I can't tell you that. And I cannot tell you that values that grow from below are a pain to caress. That's all for you to decide yourself.

People say "if I can, so can you!" but you and I are differen't and I am honestly not even sure what you want to do to the world. It probably runs along lines that complement whatever I want to do.

You could try to re-establish everything by* choosing a path you didn't know existed until you accidentally messed up a move and came down upon it.

*one way. There's so many more ways.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
I'm not trying to be inflammatory or anything but it seems (and this is from my observations of FPs in the MBTI world) to me that FPs wear their emotional scars like soldiers wear medals and ribbons.

I don't enjoy feeling my emotional turmoil and I don't understand why anyone would enjoy feeling it or wallowing in it. The way I think of it is there's this dark cave with skeletons littered everywhere. There's a foul smell coming from it. There are signs warning you not to go in that cave. You have just as much of a chance of becoming one of those skeletons laying on the ground as emerging victoriously from the cave. If you do emerge from the cave, you're more than likely to be traumatized in some way from what you experienced.

When everything is telling you don't do it, don't go in there, why go there? I know I'm a Fe and what makes good sense to Fe doesn't necessarily make sense to Fi but I don't need to touch fire to know that it burns. I don't need to have scalding burns and blistering skin to fully experience every nook and cranny of pain. I'm far more willing to experience the fullness of positive emotion than negative emotion, but then we get into the whole sweet/sour, dark/light blase blase.

And often to me it seems like people who seek these types of emotional experiences tend to carry a lot of baggage from their journeys. What is wrong with being free and uncluttered and learning vicariously through others? How can you travel down these paths and not expect to pick up anything, which once again is just as likely to be bad mojo as it is to be "good"?

I can see that if you're one of the people goes through the fire and does well, how thr fullness of understanding helps your to reach those in the darkest corners. But it seems to me there are other ways to reach people in the trenches if that is what your goal is. I know people tend to be more receptive to those who have experienced the same things they have, there's greater room for understanding and I agree with that. But for me personally, I don't seek out such things or when they happen to me I don't try to purposely go further down the hole. If things happen to move in that direction then what can you do but move with it, but no purposely delving into negativity for me. I don't view this type of seeking as being "deeper" and in some ways I view it as incredibly foolish.

I guess in MBTI terms, this is extroverted perception at work but sorry I see more effed upness as a result of this than great emotional counselors. I see a lot of hurt people and some overcome and some don't. I don't advocate exploring things like this to their fullest. I think if you sense you're headed in a bad direction, take heed to your senses and go in the opposite direction.
 

Soar337

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
387
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
457
I feel exactly like this too. I'm just hoping one day, once I get through my education I will be able to do what I want to do, (I will have a good job, therefore hopefully money) and I won't have any worries, and I will be happy.

(And then I'll pick myself apart again to create something. Urgh)
 

William K

Uniqueorn
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
986
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
And often to me it seems like people who seek these types of emotional experiences tend to carry a lot of baggage from their journeys. What is wrong with being free and uncluttered and learning vicariously through others? How can you travel down these paths and not expect to pick up anything, which once again is just as likely to be bad mojo as it is to be "good"?

Fi-doms usually don't have a choice of not seeking the negative paths. It comes in a package, the bad and the good. We intensely feel everything and it's not like a tap that we can switch off. When I feel my "dark side" coming out, I try my best to balance it with positive thoughts and experiences, but at times it can feel overwhelming.

INFPs need to be appreciated because those kind words and thoughts of appreciation are sometimes the only straws that we can cling to, lest we drown in the sea of hopelessness.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
Fi-doms usually don't have a choice of not seeking the negative paths. It comes in a package, the bad and the good. We intensely feel everything and it's not like a tap that we can switch off. When I feel my "dark side" coming out, I try my best to balance it with positive thoughts and experiences, but at times it can feel overwhelming.

INFPs need to be appreciated because those kind words and thoughts of appreciation are sometimes the only straws that we can cling to, lest we drown in the sea of hopelessness.

Yeah, I'm sorry I believe there's always a choice. You're a free agent and go where you will. But then again I'm not a Fi, so I rarely feel choiceless. I usually see exits, even though taking those exits aren't always palatable.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Fi-doms usually don't have a choice of not seeking the negative paths.

Give examples? What you're saying doesn't really apply to me (it's more of an enneagram issue). I try to avoid bad feelings as much as possible, and I don't embrace the bad feelings.

I mean sure I feel everything of an experience, but I take the bad feelings from that one to avoid them again.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
986
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Give examples? What you're saying doesn't really apply to me (it's more of an enneagram issue). I try to avoid bad feelings as much as possible, and I don't embrace the bad feelings.

I mean sure I feel everything of an experience, but I take the bad feelings from that one to avoid them again.

I guess it could be a 4w5 issue. When I was younger, I would focus on the worst case scenario of everything. When something goes wrong, I would over-analyze it and figure that I was the one at fault, or "things would have been different, if I had done this instead". At work, I would either just freeze and do nothing for fear of making a mistake, or lash out at the smallest things. My colleagues learnt to avoid me when I got into this mood.

Over time, I've learned to not take everything personally and can recognize when my thoughts are going down the dark paths early enough to turn away, but I know that it will always be there.
 
Top