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  1. #11
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    The problem with Fi is that it needs to evaluate and feel. If your disposition is one of despression, then that's what it's going to evaluate. That, in turn, makes you feel more depressed!

    But there's good news to this!

    The capacity to be constantly depressed (with occasional bright moments) also means you have the capacity to be constantly joyful (with occasional sad moments). They are born of the same mental processes. The problem is, unless you have some amazing people to help you through your younger years when reality starts crashing on your idealism, you are going to fall in the 'depressed' side.

    That's the default, and that requires active effort to overcome. It's possible to shift from depressed to joyful, but it's not an easy transition to make. Life constantly bombards us with bad stuff, but rarely bombards us with the good.

    Why? Because bad things just happen, but you generally have to earn the good things.

  2. #12
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yloh View Post
    My advise is to find someone close to you who you can trust to release your inner pains. I find that releasing your pains is one of the best ways to defeat them. By talking to others who care for you, they will also point out your strengths and let you know that you are loved. Knowing that you are loved by others can help you love yourself.
    I think there have been a lot of excellent replies already, but I just wanted to emphasise the ^ part and also let you know you're no way in the world to feel these kinds of feelings. But I really want to say to you that what is inside your head is not the truth, we screw things over sometimes in our heads and perceive things in many very weird ways that only will reinforce the feelings.

    If you're clinically depressed I ofc understand it's not easy to realise this and go: "Ok, this is just how I see it, but there's a whole spectrum of stuff outside my perception I hadn't realised". It's a process, but realising is the very first step.

    You sound very hypersensitivea nd that can cause a lot of pain, but only when focusing all of your energy towards it. Depression and self-loathing can be surprisingly rewarding in a very grotesk sense. It's a self-feeding cycle unless one opens up his/her vision and realise it does not correlate with reality.

    I know my post didn't probably help that much at all and all the really helpful stuff have been covered with previous posts but I just sincerely hope you'll feel better.

  3. #13
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    A lot of this stuff about depressed INFPs is more or less enneagram 4 stuff, and not INFP stuff. But yeah, lots of enneagram 4's are like that.

    EDIT: And I'd also like to add that enneagram has some ways of getting out of the depression loop. That system is all about self improvement really.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Coz despite its imperfections, it's still worth discovering, very much so.

    And the same applies to yourself btw
    It is ok not to be perfect. It can even be a beautiful thing. It is ok not to constantly be extatic with joy. Negative emotions have their own beauty. Stop fighting them. Start experiencing them without judging or frustration
    It's the imperfections that makes the world worth discovering!
    But I can't tell you that. And I cannot tell you that values that grow from below are a pain to caress. That's all for you to decide yourself.

    People say "if I can, so can you!" but you and I are differen't and I am honestly not even sure what you want to do to the world. It probably runs along lines that complement whatever I want to do.

    You could try to re-establish everything by* choosing a path you didn't know existed until you accidentally messed up a move and came down upon it.

    *one way. There's so many more ways.
    Open for interpretation.
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    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  5. #15
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I'm not trying to be inflammatory or anything but it seems (and this is from my observations of FPs in the MBTI world) to me that FPs wear their emotional scars like soldiers wear medals and ribbons.

    I don't enjoy feeling my emotional turmoil and I don't understand why anyone would enjoy feeling it or wallowing in it. The way I think of it is there's this dark cave with skeletons littered everywhere. There's a foul smell coming from it. There are signs warning you not to go in that cave. You have just as much of a chance of becoming one of those skeletons laying on the ground as emerging victoriously from the cave. If you do emerge from the cave, you're more than likely to be traumatized in some way from what you experienced.

    When everything is telling you don't do it, don't go in there, why go there? I know I'm a Fe and what makes good sense to Fe doesn't necessarily make sense to Fi but I don't need to touch fire to know that it burns. I don't need to have scalding burns and blistering skin to fully experience every nook and cranny of pain. I'm far more willing to experience the fullness of positive emotion than negative emotion, but then we get into the whole sweet/sour, dark/light blase blase.

    And often to me it seems like people who seek these types of emotional experiences tend to carry a lot of baggage from their journeys. What is wrong with being free and uncluttered and learning vicariously through others? How can you travel down these paths and not expect to pick up anything, which once again is just as likely to be bad mojo as it is to be "good"?

    I can see that if you're one of the people goes through the fire and does well, how thr fullness of understanding helps your to reach those in the darkest corners. But it seems to me there are other ways to reach people in the trenches if that is what your goal is. I know people tend to be more receptive to those who have experienced the same things they have, there's greater room for understanding and I agree with that. But for me personally, I don't seek out such things or when they happen to me I don't try to purposely go further down the hole. If things happen to move in that direction then what can you do but move with it, but no purposely delving into negativity for me. I don't view this type of seeking as being "deeper" and in some ways I view it as incredibly foolish.

    I guess in MBTI terms, this is extroverted perception at work but sorry I see more effed upness as a result of this than great emotional counselors. I see a lot of hurt people and some overcome and some don't. I don't advocate exploring things like this to their fullest. I think if you sense you're headed in a bad direction, take heed to your senses and go in the opposite direction.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Soar337's Avatar
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    I feel exactly like this too. I'm just hoping one day, once I get through my education I will be able to do what I want to do, (I will have a good job, therefore hopefully money) and I won't have any worries, and I will be happy.

    (And then I'll pick myself apart again to create something. Urgh)
    <3

  7. #17
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    And often to me it seems like people who seek these types of emotional experiences tend to carry a lot of baggage from their journeys. What is wrong with being free and uncluttered and learning vicariously through others? How can you travel down these paths and not expect to pick up anything, which once again is just as likely to be bad mojo as it is to be "good"?
    Fi-doms usually don't have a choice of not seeking the negative paths. It comes in a package, the bad and the good. We intensely feel everything and it's not like a tap that we can switch off. When I feel my "dark side" coming out, I try my best to balance it with positive thoughts and experiences, but at times it can feel overwhelming.

    INFPs need to be appreciated because those kind words and thoughts of appreciation are sometimes the only straws that we can cling to, lest we drown in the sea of hopelessness.

  8. #18
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Fi-doms usually don't have a choice of not seeking the negative paths. It comes in a package, the bad and the good. We intensely feel everything and it's not like a tap that we can switch off. When I feel my "dark side" coming out, I try my best to balance it with positive thoughts and experiences, but at times it can feel overwhelming.

    INFPs need to be appreciated because those kind words and thoughts of appreciation are sometimes the only straws that we can cling to, lest we drown in the sea of hopelessness.
    Yeah, I'm sorry I believe there's always a choice. You're a free agent and go where you will. But then again I'm not a Fi, so I rarely feel choiceless. I usually see exits, even though taking those exits aren't always palatable.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #19
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Fi-doms usually don't have a choice of not seeking the negative paths.
    Give examples? What you're saying doesn't really apply to me (it's more of an enneagram issue). I try to avoid bad feelings as much as possible, and I don't embrace the bad feelings.

    I mean sure I feel everything of an experience, but I take the bad feelings from that one to avoid them again.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  10. #20
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Give examples? What you're saying doesn't really apply to me (it's more of an enneagram issue). I try to avoid bad feelings as much as possible, and I don't embrace the bad feelings.

    I mean sure I feel everything of an experience, but I take the bad feelings from that one to avoid them again.
    I guess it could be a 4w5 issue. When I was younger, I would focus on the worst case scenario of everything. When something goes wrong, I would over-analyze it and figure that I was the one at fault, or "things would have been different, if I had done this instead". At work, I would either just freeze and do nothing for fear of making a mistake, or lash out at the smallest things. My colleagues learnt to avoid me when I got into this mood.

    Over time, I've learned to not take everything personally and can recognize when my thoughts are going down the dark paths early enough to turn away, but I know that it will always be there.

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