[ENFJ] The ENFJ Thread

[Domino]

I get on with NTJs very very well. Two of my best friends are NTJs and the ENFJ-NTJ dynamic can be really hilarious at times. We may get set off by the same thing, but for different reasons (Fe/Ni vs. Te/Ni). When understanding is wanted, they call me up and vent.

NTJ: "So I totally knocked that ****** down with a ****ing shovel and drove over him with my ****ing SUV!"

Me: "Did you hurl mighty taunts and spit on him while dancing on his inert body too?"

NTJ: "YES! Twenty times!"

Me: "Wow! You were being way too nice!"

NTJ: "I KNOW!"

Me: "You deserve a giant medal and some Blahnik pumps for your restraint!"

NTJ: "I love you."

LOL... that's me and Athena (ENTJ) on the phone...

Sorry for the lack of questioning, but in ENFJs I know I see a mirror of myself, good and bad. Which made me realize how would ENFJs consider themselves different than INFJs? Obviously extrovert versus introvert differences, are there any other differences like priorities, how you feel about people, and so on?

I'm in a strange place on the Fe/Ni scale. I'm an ENFJ, as I know that my Fe comes first, but my Ni is a VERY close second and sometimes takes charge, so my behavior can seem to be very much like my INFJs, and when their Fe takes charge, they can sound a lot like me too. I have one INFJ male friend and our fiery tempers are almost identical. We react to things in the same manner, make the same comments, and revile the same things with the same language and disgust. It's difficult to tell us apart at times.

But I think that the E/I split is best defined as "What function automatically takes charge the most?" In my case, Fe takes charge at least 70 to 80% of the time. It may not take strong leadership or control, but it's first. My Ni is ever present and dictating behind the scenes even when it didn't get to the forefront before Fe did.

My ENFP sister says that ENFJs have a certain aura about them that's different from INFJs. Can anyone else confirm or deny this?

 

[Keps Mnemnosyne]

To nynesneg, unfortunately I can't clarify as of yet, as even though I know a couple of ENFJs they appear like mirrors to me, so I can't detect any difference except being more outspoken, and since they are both female, any other differences may be due to gender roles.

To PinkPiranha, could you ask your sister to explain what she means?

 

[nynesneg]

We probably do appear more opinionated... I know I generally feel a strong need for people to hear my opinion, much to my own Fe chagrin. But then if someone else seriously disagrees with me and doesn't back down I'll just shut up to avoid the waste-of-time argument. lol

 

[Yloh]

I'm wondering if other ENFJs can be very detail oriented at times. Most of the time I do tend to forget the details, but there are certain subjects that I pay attention to every little detail and remember them. Its kind of weird, I have a selective detail memory.

Anyways, is this because I could be a weak N and have some Si, or is it because of tertiary Se?

 

[nynesneg]

I am OCD about the details. But I think that's just me, esp with a 3 enneagram.

I am SO project oriented and have such an innate need to do a super good job, I tend to do 5x better job than my boss asked for. They'd rather I spend much less energy and do beginner results. I notice when the Ts aren't crossed and the Is aren't dotted, and it bugs me. This is part of why I'm trying to get into advertising, because if something is mass published, the details ARE important. Then I don't have to be constantly pulling myself back to be less of a perfectionist/wanting professional results.

 

[Lissa]

hey everyone...enfj here. look forward to reading more of the responses here and 'feeding' off them when i collect my thoughts!

 

[Thursday]

I have decided I want to meet (a mature) ENFJ dude. I don't know if I know any.

Edit: I don't know if I know any ENFJ dudes, not mature ones.

I know that it is a task when it comes to pulling myself out of someone else because of empathy. Alone time is crucial to my health. I notice that my empathy makes affection with a lover all the more intense, even flirting and banter can leave my loins unctous. Anyone else experience any of these ?

 

[Tikka]

I now TOTALLY understand why ENFJ + INFP = <3

We worry about the same things and want the same things.
You want to help people and be taken care of
We want to take care of and be helped.

It's insane..


You ENFJs are CRAZY loved,
people are just too selfish to realize it, but without you, most of them would probably fall, like a jenga building when you pull out the wrong block.
You guys are awesome.

I just needed to quote this for truth. Thanks for putting it so clear.

I recognise a lot of ENFJ downness in this thread, and also the part of forgetting to take care of oneself.

 

[nynesneg]

Thank you. Alot of why I've mentioned negative things, is because I want to grow past them and am looking for others who have experienced and learn to mature higher. But I haven't seen very many positive growth insights in this thread.

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

hey everyone...enfj here. look forward to reading more of the responses here and 'feeding' off them when i collect my thoughts!

Lurk as much as you want.

 

[Yloh]

I have decided I want to meet (a mature) ENFJ dude. I don't know if I know any.

Edit: I don't know if I know any ENFJ dudes, not mature ones.

Ummm, there are some ENFJ dudes on this fourm including myself.

Mature can mean different things to different people, but I'm very mature in some ways and not as mature in other ways.

 

[Domino]

Elaborating on the "vibe" comment: my sister said it was a preceding "force", like a different resonance. It may have to do with exposed Fe before Ni. She said it was all the brute force of an ENTJ but with the deep feeling/empathic nature of an INFJ. Does that make anymore sense?

 

[Keps Mnemnosyne]

Sounds good, just need to find a known ENTJ and provoke it to see their brute force. Thanks for the answer Pink.

 

[Yloh]

Elaborating on the "vibe" comment: my sister said it was a preceding "force", like a different resonance. It may have to do with exposed Fe before Ni. She said it was all the brute force of an ENTJ but with the deep feeling/empathic nature of an INFJ. Does that make anymore sense?

Yea it does. I will hit you very hard with a very soft fluffy pillow and push you hard into a wall that is made of soft kindness.

 

[Domino]

Yea it does. I will hit you very hard with a very soft fluffy pillow and push you hard into a wall that is made of soft kindness.

Indeed. I also like to strangle people with the soft hands of understanding while berating them with love.

 

[g_vartan]

Indeed. I also like to strangle people with the soft hands of understanding while berating them with love.

^ lolz. This is the picture of a mature ENFJ!

On a side note, I wonder how ENFJs evolve over the years....that perhaps the main characteristic of the ENFJ which is "giving" (the false abundance of nurturance) evolves as they mature/age...cause I wonder if 'giving' is sustainable in the long run?

I read somewhere that to move from dependence on approval to knowledge of personal strength to meet one's own needs, it usually requires personal loss (which is bound to happen at some point). And through this likely deep hurt / depression / introspection, it can lead to a more accurate self-assessment and understanding of what is being asked of us by others. Wish we had an older ENFJ on this board....

Hmm... anyway, just a random thought (typical ENFJ )

 

[toast]

I read somewhere that to move from dependence on approval to knowledge of personal strength to meet one's own needs, it usually requires personal loss (which is bound to happen at some point). And through this likely deep hurt / depression / introspection, it can lead to a more accurate self-assessment and understanding of what is being asked of us by others. Wish we had an older ENFJ on this board....

Oh god. Nuuuuu!!! If this hasn't already happened to me, please, keep it away Lord. It makes perfect sense though.

 

[Tikka]

Indeed. I also like to strangle people with the soft hands of understanding while berating them with love.

Feel the awesome lethality of our suffocating love!! BE LOVED, DAMMIT!

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

Sounds good, just need to find a known ENTJ and provoke it to see their brute force. Thanks for the answer Pink.

I love you. "provoke it"...

 

[compulsiverambler]

I'm wondering if other ENFJs can be very detail oriented at times. Most of the time I do tend to forget the details, but there are certain subjects that I pay attention to every little detail and remember them. Its kind of weird, I have a selective detail memory.

Anyways, is this because I could be a weak N and have some Si, or is it because of tertiary Se?

ENFJs are the only Ns I've seen described in any profile as good with details. I've noticed it about the people I think are ENFJs too. I wonder if they just develop their eye for detail more than most Ns because they're more motivated to because of Je (the 'get things done' function) being dominant. If that's the reason, it should be true of ENTJs as well, but I don't know any of them very well.