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Thread: The ENFJ Thread

  1. #81
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    You mean the very obvious Te conclusion that negated the Fe imperative?


    *is ashamed*
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  2. #82
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Someone's feelings shouldn't matter over an assignment that's 40% of my grade, I'm sorry. I will never, in any circumstance, care that much to where it impairs my future. I'll step on any toes that get in my way of my future if it's just a temporary "waaah" from them.

    And keep in mind my mom has been through college and regularly gives advice as to how I can get through. Then she does this. We had also been talking about this paper for about a week, and she gave me advice and ideas for it. Then she does this. She also knew that it was due that day, at midnight, and that I would need all of the time I could get to fine tune it. And she thought that.

    I seriously don't understand her thought process. Here are the facts- She bought me lunch, I thanked her. I made the plan to eat there at that time and that day. She knows I need to finish this paper. Then she thinks that I don't appreciate what she's done, and that I was just wasting my time. O_o

    I'm asking to understand to prevent future misunderstandings.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #83
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    @ tcda:

    I don't know what to say about your situation. I can be somewhat of a friendly sourpuss and do stuff like your friend did so I've got no real defense.

    In my case, it wouldn't have been a flippant blow off, it simply would've meant that I didn't really want to talk to you and I tried to do it "nicely," i.e. by exchanging emails if you asked for it, maybe even phone numbers, giving a non-committal (or what I hope is understood as non-committal) "maybe we'll talk later."

    I strongly believe in allowing a person the opportunity to escape a situation gracefully with as little drama as possible. If she's is trying to escape gracefully, you're not allowing her to do so. I know people are always advocating direct communication and the "just tell them!!" approach but that is often difficult in situations like this. I don't want to watch a guy's crestfallen face if I have to say to him, I'm not interested in taking this conversation or interlude any further and I don't want to give you my number or email. Now I've taken to telling people "Have a nice life! " because I don't want any misunderstandings to occur and possibly be the source of discontent on an internet thread.

    Have you considered that she just isn't that into you and isn't responding to you as enthusiastically as you'd like because of this? I guess to me there are some things you've just got to understand and pick-up on with how people communicate. People say things like "I'll see you later" "Let's have dinner sometime" and "I love you, I want your children" without really meaning it. I personally, work on distinguishing when people mean their statements or when they're just saying them to be cordial and un-prickish. Because for some odd reason I have this feeling that if you I told a person 'I don't really want to see you again unless it's casually with groups of people around,' it won't be well-received. But believe it or not, I may completely not mind seeing them again because I thought they were fun, but I don't want it to get any deeper than casually hanging out.

    If you think there is some romantic interest, why don't you ask her out? Personally, I think you can string a person along forever via email, Facebook, and texts and those are not reliable methods of assessing interest. Ask her out for coffee or some other relatively low-stakes way of assessing interest because when you're in person you can tell these things better. If that goes well and you get a good feeling, then ask her out again. There's probably a universe of non-verbal communication happening between you two and very important detail that are being left out. What can we here know about what this person is thinking? What does saying she's an ENFJ tell us (nothing really)?
    Yeah, I know all this. But we actually did go on two "dates", she ivnited me on the second quite persistently, a party where she kept tryign to talk to me, but htis other guy wouldn't let us, then I got into an argument with him, then she left, and didn't speak to me since.

    To put it simply.

    And it's not like I "didn;t take the hint", I sent two messages after the party, then nothing for 2 weeks, then she emailed me out of the blue. Then I emailed her back, and with a link to an event that I thought her "society" (don't ask about english unviersity life) would find useful, and now she's organising it, but didn't even say thanks - and purposely kept her back to me for a whole party while talking to everyone else!. :s plus all the men there want to get with her so it's not like she's unused to the situation. Or that I went over the top, I only sent 2 casual messages ffs! :p

    The rest I don;t mind as I ignored her at the party too, but the thing about the link is quite rude. But obviously I won't show that I think that, rather I'll say to her when I run into her, "hey by the way, you did a good job with that event, thanks, I would have helped myself but unfortunately I've been too busy. But you did me a favour". :p that way, if she had good intentions, then I win, and if she was just being a bitch, then I ruined the game.
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  4. #84
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Cat - your mom doesn't sound very N to me from your descriptions.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #85
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I'm a terrible bear hating person
    kicks pink !
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  6. #86
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    *shoves Eck against a wall, calls him names in Swahili, and steals his lunch money*
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #87
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Explain this for me please? My mom regularly makes intuitive leaps and assumptions like this, and I don't understand.

    Setting- We've just eaten at Crackerbarrel for our pseudo thanksgiving, since we aren't going to a family gathering this year for it. I need to go home and finish a research paper that's due that night, and it counts 40% of my grade in this English class. She is fully aware of this in my mind, since I have told her about 10 times in the past week.

    Me- "Thanks for buying me lunch mom."
    Her- "You're welcome. *keeps talking about what we were talking about before*"
    Me- "I really need to go. I'll call you Saturday about coming over on Sunday to help you with moving that furniture."
    Her- "Alright. *keeps talking*"
    Me- "I really need to go mom, I don't have much time. I came up here and ate with you, and we talked for an hour and a half. But I really need to go, this paper is more important than anything going on right now for me."
    Her- "Oh, so does that mean you didn't want to come up here and eat with me? That you didn't appreciate anything that I just did for you? You didn't have to go, you could have just said so."
    Me- "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! How did... Why do you think that? What did I say that would imply that? I was the one that suggested eating today, I made the plan and the time, and I came up here to eat with you. I don't understand why you think that. This essay is 40% of my grade, I've told you this. I will fail if I don't do this. That's about $200 dollars wasted if I don't get this done. And I need all the time that I can get to fine tune it.


    ???????
    WOW, that's intense. She should understand... you sounded fairly reasonable, IMO. I got to say 40% sounds like WAY too much.....yikes!

  8. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    I wish I could get my feelings arranged in an f***ing hierarchy. I'm downright sick of being dark & tangled. I do experience highs of happiness & adoration that seem really abnormal (at least I recognized them to be "different" from how other people feel when I was a child). Like if I find something precious, I can have such wonderful & satisfying feelings just enjoying the fact that I adore it... but it seems associated with that "dark and tangled" thing. Like I couldn't have the one without the other. Is this something anyone else experiences?

    Did you confront them or try to talk to them anyway? They either really wanted you to or really didn't. You would have known by their reaction when confronted. If they wanted you to, they were waiting for something. Maybe you said or did something they found offensive or they said something expecting feedback & didn't get it. If they really didn't want to talk to you, they may have lost interest, but it would probably be because of some choice they made. I don't know, I can't go from being "really" interested in someone to ignoring them unless I'm mad or testing them. Then again, ENFJs can seem to be flirty when they are just socializing. In this case, if they caught wind that you wanted more they may be distancing to show that they don't.

    What did they do that made them seem interested?
    What are these dark and tangled thoughts you guys experience? I have been loosely involved with an ENFj and I swear the amount of times they go hot and cold is really something I find baffling - like they create this atmosphere of family/love/loyalty/partnership and the next thing you know, they back off completely in a way which totally contradicts the aforementioned vision. Experiencing this for a year now and it feels like the highs you have together are amazing....and thank god they are because for the rest/majority of the time you feel like you're being tortured and will only stick through it to get to the good part again.
    I know the majority of people will love an ENFj but I think if you really get to know them it can colour your perception of them....which is one of the reasons I think they don't like to reveal too much of themselves......so they want to back off a lot of the time???????

  9. #89
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kasabian View Post
    What are these dark and tangled thoughts you guys experience? I have been loosely involved with an ENFj and I swear the amount of times they go hot and cold is really something I find baffling - like they create this atmosphere of family/love/loyalty/partnership and the next thing you know, they back off completely in a way which totally contradicts the aforementioned vision.
    NFJs tend to deal with emotion in waves. Anyone with strong Ni will make a million connections in the matter of seconds, and because we feel so strongly about things, it can change our mood just as quickly. Whether or not that change surfaces is a matter of chance or control, because I personally can feel a 100,000 different hues of emotion in a schizophrenic parade of color in just a minute. We're constantly sorting through other peoples' emotions AND our own that we can get taxed and tired, or antagonized.

    Last night, something began to bother me. I had been mostly fine all day, and then right before bed, my Ni took hold of me again. My ENFP twin sister is very sensitive to my mood changes and can tell almost immediately that something has altered or is preparing to alter. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I wasn't sure (because, a million connections later, we have to be forensic geniuses to track our own thought processes through the rabbit warren of twists and turns). I thought about it for a moment, and began to sort out what had darkened my mood, and I told her, and then we discussed it a bit.

    All NFJs have this tendency. It's just the way it is. Control is important - we have to be responsible for ourselves, but control comes at a price in energy levels and connectivity. I pull back when I'm not sure of a situation, or of myself in a situation. I pull back when I'm overloading. I pull back when I smell danger or negative compromise.


    Experiencing this for a year now and it feels like the highs you have together are amazing....and thank god they are because for the rest/majority of the time you feel like you're being tortured and will only stick through it to get to the good part again.
    That's not a type problem. That's a personal problem.

    I know the majority of people will love an ENFj but I think if you really get to know them it can colour your perception of them....which is one of the reasons I think they don't like to reveal too much of themselves......so they want to back off a lot of the time???????
    Deep down, we're really jackasses so we keep to ourselves?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #90
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Ok so I need some advice here. Where I work we are extremely liberal and bust jokes on each other A LOT. Now lately it seems like my coworkers like to just gang up on me when it comes to jokes, sometimes I make an innocent comment and turn it into a huge joke. For example, I mentioned that where i used to live we had big tree by my house, now they start to bring it up as a joke and say stupid stuff like "Hey Rider, was it bigger than umpire state building? LOL" and bring it up whenever. Now, its not just me that this happens and we do it to each other but I am noticing the trend that they like to gang up on me more and more. Some of this has to do that I am not a good trash talker like they are and truthfully this shit is starting to get to me. I am ok with cracking jokes on each other but like I said this singeling me out more and more is not a trend I am liking and they are starting to say that its too easy to pick on me. Is not an everyday thing but when they go at it seem to end up getting killed out there. Any advice here?
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

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