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Thread: The ENFJ Thread

  1. #71
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW-cnizLDEE&feature=player_embedded"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW-cnizLDEE&feature=player_embedded[/YOUTUBE]
    learn and grow young one
    hahaha
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  2. #72
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    You wouldn't act so cocky if i could get my hand on you! *jumps* *rolls* *impresses with physics lectures*
    How cruel of me. I forgot you only had one hand, lost in the great fire at the Library of Prais and Bashful Bears, where everything paper burned. It must have been distressing to lose such a carefully drawn appendage. Don't worry - I've drawn you another *tapes it on with glittery pink tape*.

    Ladies like scars and taped-on body parts.

    *hula dances at you with verve and elan*
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  3. #73
    Member sunshinEnfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    I see your point.

    there are things I liek about her though. She's only 19 (I'm 22), and she's already cut most of her ties in her home country for fighting against the military coup there. I mean she comes from the rich kind family that supprots the coup, all her friends, family etc., but she campaigned against it and is kind of a pariah to them. So I find her kind of admriable.

    Plus, she has the same itnerests as me, same sense of humour, and gets my references and throws em back at me. So maybe not "nice", but certainly intelligent and interesting.

    And lastly, she appreciated me, intiially, in a way that no-one else does. :s it's kind of hard to forge tthat even when things then go bad. Though I may have too.

    One thing for sure, as the ENFJ profile says unhealthy ENFJ's can be, she is indeed very very manipulative.
    Not to intrude on the ENFJ thread, but I have been reading it (as ENFJs fascinate me) and I was wondering if this girl might be an ENFP... that might explain the ignoring thing. Because we can ignore people for a WIDE variety of reasons, even if they feel like they have not really done anything. And ENFPs can be quite manipulative if they want to be. But, ah, ENFPs are more likely to seem inconsistent with the way they communicate and relate to people, so I was thinking that could be it. But I could be wrong.

  4. #74
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinEnfp View Post
    Not to intrude on the ENFJ thread, but I have been reading it (as ENFJs fascinate me) and I was wondering if this girl might be an ENFP... that might explain the ignoring thing. Because we can ignore people for a WIDE variety of reasons, even if they feel like they have not really done anything. And ENFPs can be quite manipulative if they want to be. But, ah, ENFPs are more likely to seem inconsistent with the way they communicate and relate to people, so I was thinking that could be it. But I could be wrong.

    well I can't speak for our J friends, but intrude all you like as far as I'm concerned. :p I pretty much am.

    I'm pretty sure she's J. I don't think she is inconsistent, she's pretty consistently got Fe turned onw ith everyone, she was consistently open to me before, and now is consistently cold-shouldering me. there hasn't really been any wavering once she's decided what her attitude is.

    I just can't figure out the reason for the change. would an ENFJ woman act like that if she thought you were disrespectful to her maybe? or just because she went off you? I men i the latter case it's excessive, as I only got in touch twice, on the Monday and Wendesday after the date, and then nothing. To still be decidedly ignoring me when she is someone with such good Fe who is on "good terms" with everyone even when there are all kind sof underlying tensions, is wierd. :s it's not like she's unused to guys liking her more than she likes them...
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  5. #75
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    so I killed the ENFJ thread?

    fitting revenge maybe?
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  6. #76
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    For me ENFJ is the most interesting type, I just love your enthusiasm

  7. #77
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    @ tcda:

    I don't know what to say about your situation. I can be somewhat of a friendly sourpuss and do stuff like your friend did so I've got no real defense.

    In my case, it wouldn't have been a flippant blow off, it simply would've meant that I didn't really want to talk to you and I tried to do it "nicely," i.e. by exchanging emails if you asked for it, maybe even phone numbers, giving a non-committal (or what I hope is understood as non-committal) "maybe we'll talk later."

    I strongly believe in allowing a person the opportunity to escape a situation gracefully with as little drama as possible. If she's is trying to escape gracefully, you're not allowing her to do so. I know people are always advocating direct communication and the "just tell them!!" approach but that is often difficult in situations like this. I don't want to watch a guy's crestfallen face if I have to say to him, I'm not interested in taking this conversation or interlude any further and I don't want to give you my number or email. Now I've taken to telling people "Have a nice life! " because I don't want any misunderstandings to occur and possibly be the source of discontent on an internet thread.

    Have you considered that she just isn't that into you and isn't responding to you as enthusiastically as you'd like because of this? I guess to me there are some things you've just got to understand and pick-up on with how people communicate. People say things like "I'll see you later" "Let's have dinner sometime" and "I love you, I want your children" without really meaning it. I personally, work on distinguishing when people mean their statements or when they're just saying them to be cordial and un-prickish. Because for some odd reason I have this feeling that if you I told a person 'I don't really want to see you again unless it's casually with groups of people around,' it won't be well-received. But believe it or not, I may completely not mind seeing them again because I thought they were fun, but I don't want it to get any deeper than casually hanging out.

    If you think there is some romantic interest, why don't you ask her out? Personally, I think you can string a person along forever via email, Facebook, and texts and those are not reliable methods of assessing interest. Ask her out for coffee or some other relatively low-stakes way of assessing interest because when you're in person you can tell these things better. If that goes well and you get a good feeling, then ask her out again. There's probably a universe of non-verbal communication happening between you two and very important detail that are being left out. What can we here know about what this person is thinking? What does saying she's an ENFJ tell us (nothing really)?

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I have questions

    Outwardly, ENFJs seem (to me anyway) to be the least characteristically NF of the NFs. Its like ENFJs can effectively walk that thin line between the sensor world and the intuitor world. It seems like your practicality and that friendly, harmonizing ability that Fe provides you, means you are better at 'playing the game' - something all intuitors struggle with to a degree. Or perhaps its just that you can express your idealism in a more realistic, coherent and digestible format.

    So (with all this in mind) what is it about yourself that makes you feel like a NF? How does your NF-ness express and reveal itself, particularly on an everyday level? And how do you see yourself in relation to other NFs?

    I look forward to enlightenment.
    OK, I may not be the right person to answer this.

    From an typological perspective, I don't believe there should be a group of people called "NFs." It should be NP or NJ. I'm not trying to start a derail on this, but I think it's part of why I don't identify with being an NF. When you say "least characteristically NF" what do you mean? I'm going to use this a the working definition for what is considered an NF:

    Needs and Values
    The core needs are for the meaning and significance that come from having a sense of purpose and working toward some greater good. They need to have a sense of unique identity. They value unity, self-actualization, and authenticity. People of this temperament prefer cooperative interactions with a focus on ethics and morality. They tend to trust their intuition and impressions first and then seek to find the logic and the data to support them. Given their need for empathic relationships, they learn more easily when they can relate to the instructor and the group.

    Talents
    They tend to be gifted at unifying diverse peoples and helping individuals realize their potential. They build bridges between people through empathy and clarification of deeper issues. They use these same skills to help people work through difficulties. Thus, they can make excellent mediators, helping people and companies solve conflicts through mutual cooperation. If working on a global level, they champion a cause. If working on an individual level, they focus on growth and development of the person.
    If I am an ENFJ (I typically type myself as ExFJ), I have very, very strong Se, but not really the type that makes me what to jump out of a plane although that sound like something I'll do eventually.

    I know people that share a similar worldview and core values to me and people who don't. The largest bank of NFs I have access to are the ones here, and there are NFs that I that I want to hug and kiss and those who I want to come through the computer screen and throttle. I guess that's not enough for me to feel like we have something in common. To me, I feel less romantically inclined or into deep self-discovery and more socially aware and politically focused than NFs here. Which may indicate I'm not an "NF" at all!

    Generally for ENFJs I think that tertiary Se if developing in a healthy manner tends to be a very grounding. Of course, it depends on how comfortable the person feels delving into it and also strength and usage of the function. IRL, I hope to convey myself as approachable, receptive, and personable. I don't want to come across as ethereal or otherwordly (I don't even think I could) because then I feel like people have problems relating to me and I to them. And when you do this, I think you have a richness of information to tap into (perhaps that's Si?) that people can understand. You learn how to reach people where they're at, people see you as like them, and you learn how to communicate in different languages. That's ideally of course, I'm not there yet but I can see how to get there.

    I like to think of Se as the ways and means to getting something done. To me it automatically grabs for something currently relevant as support to Ni. I know for me (and I don't know if this is Fe+Pe or not) but I love pop culture and current culture and putting things in terms of what people can look around them and plainly see. If they can't see it, then I'll grab some crayons and magic markers and draw it out for them. LOL, one thing to this very day people ask me is if I'm a teacher. I think one of my good qualities is I have more patience towards connecting the dots for people, I don't necessarily mind showing why A leads to B instead of automatically assuming it should be obvious, which definitely comes across as concrete. I like giving examples and having examples given to me and creating realistic mental pictures of situations, scenarios, and events so that things become real to people and not some far away unthinkable thing. It makes things seem less intimidating and more doable to people or it bring things to their awareness that maybe they should be looking out for or thinking about.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  8. #78
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Explain this for me please? My mom regularly makes intuitive leaps and assumptions like this, and I don't understand.

    Setting- We've just eaten at Crackerbarrel for our pseudo thanksgiving, since we aren't going to a family gathering this year for it. I need to go home and finish a research paper that's due that night, and it counts 40% of my grade in this English class. She is fully aware of this in my mind, since I have told her about 10 times in the past week.

    Me- "Thanks for buying me lunch mom."
    Her- "You're welcome. *keeps talking about what we were talking about before*"
    Me- "I really need to go. I'll call you Saturday about coming over on Sunday to help you with moving that furniture."
    Her- "Alright. *keeps talking*"
    Me- "I really need to go mom, I don't have much time. I came up here and ate with you, and we talked for an hour and a half. But I really need to go, this paper is more important than anything going on right now for me."
    Her- "Oh, so does that mean you didn't want to come up here and eat with me? That you didn't appreciate anything that I just did for you? You didn't have to go, you could have just said so."
    Me- "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! How did... Why do you think that? What did I say that would imply that? I was the one that suggested eating today, I made the plan and the time, and I came up here to eat with you. I don't understand why you think that. This essay is 40% of my grade, I've told you this. I will fail if I don't do this. That's about $200 dollars wasted if I don't get this done. And I need all the time that I can get to fine tune it.


    ???????
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #79
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    ^Punitive Fe. Things are not right with the world if you put a pragmatic concern before demonstrating immediate concern for a person. Even in the quoted scenario, you didn't display concern for the person, just said she kept on talking. What was she talking about? What was her need? What were you not doing?



    *flees*
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  10. #80
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    ^Punitive Fe. Things are not right with the world if you put a pragmatic concern before demonstrating immediate concern for a person. Even in the quoted scenario, you didn't display concern for the person, just said she kept on talking. What was she talking about? What was her need? What were you not doing?



    *flees*
    We were talking about my schooling, our future (I'm going to be moving in with her to be closer to the city and the college I'm attending next semester), and our plans for the weekend. It wasn't really that personal and having to do with her needs, we discussed some things going on with her life in the restaurant and those topics came to a close.

    She just seems to pull random assumptions out of no where, even though the very obvious pragmatic reasons that counter those assumptions are right there...
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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