[ENFJ] The ENFJ Thread

[surten]

ENFJ's Please Help!

Hello dear ENFJ's,

I need your help, your advice and insight would be priceless!! I need to know how to help a ENFJ feel less stressed. A new co-worker of mine is an ENFJ and I can see that they are very stressed with their new position. They are having to deliver bad news to many of their new subordinates and I can see this is very stressful for them. If this were you, what would you want for someone to do for you, on a professional level, that could help you feel less stress and more joy?

Your honest insight is invaluable, thanks in advance to anyone that responds thusly!

 

[ExAstrisSpes]

Befriend them. Invite to coffee breaks, lunch, happy hour. Maybe bring up some of your own frustrations at work so that they know they can vent a little. Also let them know what a good job you think they are doing, or at least acknowledge how difficult it is for them.

 

[Lily flower]

Resentful? No. Annoyed? Absolutely.

It's not particularly my fault you menfolk are obtuse sometimes.

Also, I don't exactly see how one could call me "brunette" considering how I'm all brown and such

I read in a book that blonde is considered attractive to men because women's hair is lighter when they are fertile and becomes darker as they age. I don't know if that is true, but that is what it said.

 

[Thalassa]

As someone who was platinum blonde up until the age of five, I find this assertion creepy. My hair was the color it is now when I hit puberty.

Plus this does nothing in the way of explaining men who obviously prefer brunettes, redheads, Asian and African-American (or just plain African) women to blondes.

It never ceases to amaze me the stuff that it produced by socialization (or simply by what seems "different" to your culture - like Japanese men liking busty blondes and white American men liking petite Asians) that people try to say is biology.

Sure, I'm sure blonde hair attracted attention in cold climates in Northern Europe when the women were covered with clothes. I'll buy that.

But people are soooo socialized to like what they like. Men from Mexico and India tend to like curvier women, men from the United States relatively slimmer (or at least in the media). It isn't because these people are racially different. It's fucking socialization.

 

[skylights]

hello

i just came by to read this thread because it's interesting and to drop love at ENFJs... i think sometimes it's a little hard for you guys to hear how very incredibly respected, loved, and appreciated you are over the sound of all that brilliant Ni analysis going on in there

well and also because some people are ungrateful bastards and don't bother to tell ENFJs how awesome they are for being caring, generous, insightful, responsible, committed, confident, and all those other good ENFJy adjectives.

My ENFP sister says that ENFJs have a certain aura about them that's different from INFJs. Can anyone else confirm or deny this?

confirmed. i feel this as: ENFJs flip between enveloping and leading warmth and (Ni) distance. Fe is radiant, outward-moving, openly directing. with INFJs, there is a more steadily-maintained "distance" even when they're reaching out.

I know the majority of people will love an ENFj but I think if you really get to know them it can colour your perception of them....which is one of the reasons I think they don't like to reveal too much of themselves......so they want to back off a lot of the time???????

heh. on the contrary, generally you guys are more interesting and appealing the more i get to know you. i mean, you start out interesting because you're a bit of a mystery - so warm and engaging, yet hiding so much - but anyway, maybe it's just an NFP thing, but i tend to like and respect people more and more as i learn about their hidden anxieties and inner struggles, not less.

--

We worry about the same things and want the same things.
You want to help people and be taken care of
We want to take care of and be helped.

this, so much

i know that sometimes ENFJ-ENFP relations aren't the best, but for the record, i really appreciate my close ENFJ friend because, among other wonderful things, we're inverses in a lot of ways - we go about achieving goals differently but are still focused on the same core objectives. we're both very NF. and one of the things i've found most interesting is that there's a pleasing "safe space" in our friendship in which i can be cold and judgmental, and she can be imperfect and anxious, and it's okay, because the other gets it - sides of ourselves we rarely let outsiders see. plus an ENFJ-ENFP team geared up to help someone/a cause is probably one of the most terrifying things ever. we are essentially unstoppable.

anyway, i'm also glad that i know her because it makes me appreciate other ENFJs more too.

that is all.
*returns to lurking*

 

[Tricksie]

I hate to see so many of my fellow ENFJs feel down about being an ENFJ. I think when I was younger (like teens and twenties), I had the ENFJ neediness going on...and some of the tendency to pick up strays and get overly-emotionally invested in them and be unable to pull back even when it wasn't healthy for me...and I definitely have just more recently been focusing on taking care of myself first.... But for all of that, I love ENFJs. My BFF is an ENFJ and I love the energy and caring and passion and intuitive brilliance she has. I love that part of myself, too. It's all a balance. I've learned to deal with the negatives of it all pretty well, I think. Not that I don't have my moments.

One thing I'm always amazed by is the fact that there are a NUMBER of people who consider me one of their closest friends when I feel like they are far from my inner circle...that they really hardly know the real me. It's weird. I'm not dishonest about it, at all. I don't pretend, I don't act like someone I'm not...it's more like they don't actually bother getting to know the real me because they're getting enough validation/support/something from the more superficial levels of me. It's not that I hide, it's that people don't bother to dig deeper? I do have a double-handful of friends who absolutely know everything at the core of me who actually ARE in that inner circle. I'm just surprised so many people think they're closer to me than I think they are... You other ENFJs get that, too, right? You know what I mean?

<3 my ENFJ sisters and brothers!

And I'm one of those freak ENFJs who's in a great relationship with an ISTP...eight months now. Crazy, to be with someone so different, yet it is absolutely wonderful.

 

[surten]

Befriend them. Invite to coffee breaks, lunch, happy hour. Maybe bring up some of your own frustrations at work so that they know they can vent a little. Also let them know what a good job you think they are doing, or at least acknowledge how difficult it is for them.

Thanks so much ExAstrisSpes, wonderful advice! We hung out today and I think it really helped. You're awesome!! Thanks again!!

 

[Redbone]

I'm pretty sure my 13-year-old daughter is an ENFJ. She is so very emotional. Quick to jump on someone if she feels like they are being unfair or over an injustice. Has been known to wake up in the middle of the night sobbing over some issue (world disasters, Monsanto and their plot to take over the world food supply, people harming animals, prejudice over wolves, etc.). Gets really angry about being corrected or punished even when she knows she is wrong. Will huff and puff for hours. Hovers over me or takes my pensive moods personally. Wants to stick up under me constantly and has a really poor sense of personal space. Will go off and brood for a long time if upset. She's the kind of person that would be crying while she kicked some ass over an issue.

Does this sound like an ENFJ to you?

I'm a little leery of the upcoming 'teen years' (she just turned 13). I often have difficulty dealing--no, not dealing--relating to her. Okay, I have trouble relating to extroverted feelers period (her father is an ESFJ) and I often feel like I have to throw up a shield around them or I'll be sucked dry.

As an INTP, how can relate to her better? Understand her better and have a good relationship with her? Help her understand me better? She is a beautiful girl and happy but I can see that the differences between us may become an issue in the future. I want to avoid this.