[INFP] Just how dangerous is an INFP scorned?

[Biaxident]

I dunno, seemed pretty premeditated, the way runvardh put it.

Shit, you guys are psychos! So much for the fluffy NF thing, eh?

The interesting thing about that 'core value' thing, for me, is how the INFP differentiates (if they do at all) between their own core values that they acknowledge are sort of a "them thing", and the ones they actually expect other people to understand and respect.

Because... well, I've had conversations with my INFP where she's got really annoyed at somebody for something she's said was just "beyond the pale", and yet when she described it to me, I thought it sounded like the sort of thing that at least half the population wouldn't bat an eyelid at, and of the remaining half, half of them would be just mildly peeved at worst. And yet she was completely livid. I've had a tough time then, trying to persuade her that it's not fair or reasonable to expect everybody else to live by her personal values, or to get so worked up when they don't.

The idea of these highly idiosyncratic personal values, coupled with that psycho type potential, could make for a very unbalanced person indeed!

You missed the part where he said he was pushed over and over, till he had to stop it. And that is important. We'll let you push and push, and be polite while we ask you nicely to stop. And after a while, we get fed up with being ignored. And let the Beast out.

When I was younger I would get so angry I would lose small blocks of time while I went on a rampage. Yet I still never permanently injured anyone.

Unless I felt a life was in danger, I wouldn't go so far as to literally attempt to kill anyone. Even in a rage.

 

[Biaxident]

I'd love to be cuddly. I really, really, really want to be able to be just that, but the viper and the bee have poison for a reason.

You are cuddly.

 

[Amargith]

^^I recognize that

I usually don't go physical..though it has happened. If you really have betrayed me however, I'll force you to experience every negative emotion in the book, if I can. I'll forcefeed you mine and manipulate for you to have some more on your own till you no longer know what's up or down, right or wrong and can't find your way out of that emotional maze.

 

[nolla]

You'd think so, but it was coming to me each second after the snap, no forthought involved, just pure controlled implosion.

Yeah, that actually is one of the scary things. We can go into this "cold" hate mode. It's a weird thing... It is like the anger is inside your mind, you are there also in a way watching yourself objectively, and while you don't control the anger, you can control your outside appearance and behavior surprisingly well.

 

[Amargith]

 

[proximo]

I'd love to be cuddly. I really, really, really want to be able to be just that, but the viper and the bee have poison for a reason.

I guess so... though you'd have to be pretty damned sure that it was an actual offence the person had done, and not just an accidental stepping over of your own quirky sense of values, to feel justified in taking extreme revenge like that.

Thinking about it now, I realise I can be sadistic, but it tends to have nothing to do with revenge, and it isn't fear I'm looking for either. I don't know what it is to do with though - seems like just pure sadism for its own sake.

Thinking about you INFP's who've done extreme things out of revenge - seems mostly male ones saying it. It could be argued that testosterone played no small part in the way your anger manifested itself. Are there any female INFP's here who've used that style of revenge? Cos I'm thinking of my female INFP and I can't imagine her getting like these guys, not in my wildest imagination (which is pretty wild).

I usually don't go physical..though it has happened. If you really have betrayed me however, I'll force you to experience every negative emotion in the book. I'll forcefeed you mine and manipulate for you to have some more on your own till you no longer know what's up or down, right or wrong and can't find your way out of that emotional maze.

An ENFP who felt that I had betrayed her once tried to do this to me. In her head, it worked, but in reality I just thought she was pretty sad and a bit pathetic. And crazy. It didn't actually get under my skin at all. But she's a bad example because she's actually pretty crazy in many other ways, hence why she thought my taking more than 24 hours to reply to an e-mail was justification to release the hounds on me, as it were LOL

 

[Spamtar]

Totally understand the deathwish thing if someone kills your mother/child or forcibly rapes you but sometimes I get the vibe of potential everlasting fury from INFP for some relatively minor infractions. Kinda like road rage. As when many other injustices are done to the INFP by other people and you are the one to add the straw which breaks the camel’s back (i.e. becomes victims of the INFPs rage long term vendetta)

Don't get me wrong I can relate to the short term rage as an INTP but as for most wrongs not immediately addressed it seems for your own good best if they be simply forgiven or ignored but not forgotten in the long term (although I have had graphic and detailed revenge fantasies, never went through with almost none of them) Revenge as a dish best served cold has an inviting sound to it but doesn’t seem worth the encumbrance of carrying around those negative emotions.

When does logic or forgiveness come into play for the INFP? Cutting losses and walking away? If it does?

 

[runvardh]

I guess so... though you'd have to be pretty damned sure that it was an actual offence the person had done, and not just an accidental stepping over of your own quirky sense of values, to feel justified in taking extreme revenge like that.

Thinking about it now, I realise I can be sadistic, but it tends to have nothing to do with revenge, and it isn't fear I'm looking for either.

Thinking about you INFP's who've done extreme things out of revenge - seems mostly male ones saying it. It could be argued that testosterone played no small part in the way your anger manifested itself. Are there any female INFP's here who've used that style of revenge? Cos I'm thinking of my female INFP and I can't imagine her getting like these guys, not in my wildest imagination (which is pretty wild).

Na, I'm pretty sure it's male = physical, female = verbal. And it's not from accidental stepping, it's from repeat stepping where you've been told not to. Accident can be more easily forgiven than you think; idiotic repeat offence is where the issue comes in.

 

[Mad Hatter]

when someone crosses me, i either completely internalize it and never act on it.. or i'm set on making their life hell. i can be a huuuuge bitch when i want to be, although i feel like i'm getting a lot nicer with age.

To me that would be far too much trouble. If someone really crosses me, I think they're simply just not worth taking revenge for. As I've said, the best thing for me is simply getting away from said person.

 

[Biaxident]

I guess so... though you'd have to be pretty damned sure that it was an actual offence the person had done, and not just an accidental stepping over of your own quirky sense of values, to feel justified in taking extreme revenge like that.

You are missing the fact that we will let you know, over and over, and over...

And if you don't listen, well that's on you.

And of course this assumes we cannot get away from you.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Despite being an INFP myself (probably), I don't relate much to the "cuddly bunny" thing. I'm usually a kind person, but in a somewhat formal, noncommittal way.
When someone really hurts me, the first thing I absolutely need to do is to get away. I'm not particularly inclined to show it.
There have probably been some points where I reached my "breaking point" and couldn't get away, and I guess that I became really mad, but I don't think that I'm still below average in that regard.

Yep, no cuddly bunny here either. I'm not openly nice, I'm just not actively mean. I'm rather neutral towards most people, which is often perceived as aloof actually.

Unless I am close to someone, I probably won't blow up. I need to process how I feel first, especially if it's a large matter. I tend to write a letter or email or something detailing my grievances out.

If I feel it's some kind of betrayal, I may simply disappear from someone's life. I tend to argue most with those I actually care about because of this - I need to work things out with them, but other people will simply be cut off. So with family in particular, I have a bit of a temper, and I will rant and snap when upset.

I'm more likely to call people on their BS now than when younger, and I do it immediately and very directly, and they usually just get embarrassed, or they are the ones to freeze up. Like if someone makes some underhanded comment that's insulting, I'll drag it out into the light to show I know their intent. I will also hold people responsible for their actions.

Also, when I was a teenager and apparently quite petty, I would do sneaky things as a form of "moral retribution". There were times I became furious with my sister over something, and my approach was to cut her clothes up and leave them to be found, spray bug spray on her face soap, etc. It was like leaving a horse head in her bed...freaked her out enough to get the message across without any confrontation. I would NOT do something like that now as a mature adult . I realize how horribly passive-aggressive it is.

 

[Biaxident]

When does logic or forgiveness come into play for the INFP? Cutting losses and walking away? If it does?

Logic is for before you step on me once to often. After repeated warnings.

Forgiveness from me is for those who actually are sincere about trying to make amends. Which doesn't happen all that often. Most people mouth the words just to get it over with. Unfortunately for them, I'll know if they mean it.

Walking away is for after all other options are exhausted.

 

[proximo]

Logic is for before you step on me once to often. After repeated warnings.

Are you completely sure though, that you ARE warning them as much or as clearly as you think you are? I only ask that because my INFP is notorious for "telling" people things in ways that don't actually involve words at all, but expect people to be mind-readers, and then later claiming she told them "clearly, many times"

Forgiveness from me is for those who actually are sincere about trying to make amends. Which doesn't happen all that often. Most people mouth the words just to get it over with. Unfortunately for them, I'll know if they mean it.

Again, how can you say that with such confidence? I don't mean that in a bad way, but I'm genuinely curious because I can't imagine myself ever having that much confidence as to another person's state of mind. Especially when Fe doesn't even really figure in the INFP arsenal.

 

[Snuggletron]

You forgot photographed or
P.S. We have looooong memories. Hurt me now, and I'll remember you in 30 years...

I will support this. I'm not sure about other types, but we are like elephants. Fi Si archivists.

 

[proximo]

I will support this. I'm not sure about other types, but we are like elephants. Fi Si archivists.

That's a brilliant way of putting it, thank you! Gives a very clear image!

Again, totally alien to me! I can barely be bothered to remember even useful things!

Mind you, seeing all this negative feeling that you guys cling onto, it's no wonder really that you're top of the depression statistics Y'all need to learn to let go sometimes

 

[Biaxident]

Are you completely sure though, that you ARE warning them as much or as clearly as you think you are? I only ask that because my INFP is notorious for "telling" people things in ways that don't actually involve words at all, but expect people to be mind-readers, and then later claiming she told them "clearly, many times"

I think dirty looks, telling them to knock it off, and verbally warning them they are pushing it, qualifies as warnings.

But I have also learned to not be ambiguous when it comes to letting others know.

Again, how can you say that with such confidence? I don't mean that in a bad way, but I'm genuinely curious because I can't imagine myself ever having that much confidence as to another person's state of mind. Especially when Fe doesn't even really figure in the INFP arsenal.

Because my teen years were not the best. And I learned to do things, and use parts of myself that other INFPs may never have to use.

And it's not state of mind, it's intent. Your mind thinks it, your body reacts in certain ways.

 

[runvardh]

Totally understand the deathwish thing if someone kills your mother/child or forcibly rapes you but sometimes I get the vibe of potential everlasting fury from INFP for some relatively minor infractions. Kinda like road rage. As when many other injustices are done to the INFP by other people and you are the one to add the straw which breaks the camel’s back (i.e. becomes victims of the INFPs rage long term vendetta)

What kind of rage? Anger for us isn't just anger, there are several levels of it.

Don't get me wrong I can relate to the short term rage as an INTP but as for most wrongs not immediately addressed it seems for your own good best if they be simply forgiven or ignored but not forgotten in the long term (although I have had graphic and detailed revenge fantasies, never went through with almost none of them) Revenge as a dish best served cold has an inviting sound to it but doesn’t seem worth the encumbrance of carrying around those negative emotions.

When does logic or forgiveness come into play for the INFP? Cutting losses and walking away? If it does?

Also remember we are Fs not Ts. It's going to show a little easier with us to start with. The ones who manage to learn how to cut losses actually have to learn about it and it is in the maturing process. I understand some don't manage to learn that and that's not ok. Other times it's an unhealthy coping machanism for an environment that's been too hostile which is also not ok.

I do, however, get frustrated and it's going to show. You don't like it, too damn bad. Poke at me while I'm trying to manage it, yes I'm going to tell you to fuck off in that many words. If you want to be helpful, pet with the quills instead of against them. If you don't want to deal with it leave the area or let me leave the area (the latter is more likely what I'd try to do). Believe it or not, I enjoy it less than you and would absolutely love to not go through it.

 

[proximo]

Hm, fair enough I guess. I don't know you obviously, so I can't contradict your answers to my questions, which must be getting irritating, so I'll shut up now

edit - just so's you know, two of the people in my top five coolest people ever are INFP's I know personally, and I'm not just saying that so runvardh doesn't come get me with his baseball bat

 

[Snuggletron]

That's a brilliant way of putting it, thank you! Gives a very clear image!

Again, totally alien to me! I can barely be bothered to remember even useful things!

Mind you, seeing all this negative feeling that you guys cling onto, it's no wonder really that you're top of the depression statistics Y'all need to learn to let go sometimes

I'd like to add we are also probably most able second-chance givers. Forgive but don't forget (unless of course you said/did something really bad).

 

[runvardh]

Hm, fair enough I guess. I don't know you obviously, so I can't contradict your answers to my questions, which must be getting irritating, so I'll shut up now

edit - just so's you know, two of the people in my top five coolest people ever are INFP's I know personally, and I'm not just saying that so runvardh doesn't come get me with his baseball bat

Hahahaha, nowhere near it. I suppose I gritted my teeth in some parts, but I figure it's fair that people ask. It's quite possible that the better informed people are on it the better the quality of life will be on both sides of an issue. It's also a reminder to make sure I'm keeping myself in check when I get angry; the emotion is bad enough with out an excessive reaction.