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  1. #1
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Default INFJ/INFP Points of Contention

    I've noticed a number of INFPs express that they find INFJs difficult to be friends with. I have ended up knowing/being friends with a lot of INFPs, but also can see where some of our differences are more glaring than one might think at first. On here, I find I get along very well with a lot of INFPs and have had interesting/useful conversations in better understanding them.

    Where do you find those areas of contention lie? What do you find hardest to understand about the other type?

    Obviously Fi/Fe is a problem for many...

  2. #2
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    I usually get along with INFJs really well for some reason. I like INFJs.

    I actually fall somewhere between INFP and ENFP (xNFP, or just eNFP) and I find that if I do have trouble with a type more, it would actually be ENFJ, not INFJ. It's not that I dislike ENFJs, but I'm just more likely to bother or be bothered by them than INFJs I think.

    Mainly the point of contention is Fi/Fe like you have mentioned, so I don't know that I could marry an INFJ man or something that deep and on-going. I think my behavior might be offensive to some INFJs, like I'm much too rebellious for lack of a better term, and I occasionally feel annoyed by what I can only describe as getting the feeling of a school teacher or librarian checking up on me.

    But INFJs as friends are TOTALLY awesome.

  3. #3
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Perhaps Ni/Ne is a clashing point as well? In my experience I don't clash with IN_Js when it comes to perception. It's like we are two sides to the same coin. I imagine with the Ne/Ni difference it's just a different animal altogether.

    With actually placing judgment on things, Fi/Fe gets annoying. So I imagine that seeing things differently and judging things differently, yet having a decent bit in common must get frustrating sometimes.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  4. #4
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    Okay, I'm reposting this from another forum, so be warned. This was a thread on "What pisses you off about INFJs?" This was meant to be a little cheeky, so I hope the INFJs don't take too much offense.

    Okay, one of my best friends from college is an INFJ and work closely with an INFJ. I love them to death, but they do have a few teensy little flaws...

    - They love giving unsolicited advice. They can be extremely, relentlessly nudgy. The fact that it's for your own good doesn't change this. As an INFP, I'm getting plenty of critique on what I should be doing internally, I don't need extra pressure from outside. k? thx!

    - They apparently signed up for the alternative-medicine/belief-system buffet. One of them believes in reiki, homeopathy, colored light therapy, reincarnation, herbalism, etc. The other has been a fundamentalist Christian, a rainbow family hippie, a polyamory family member, a tarot card reader, etc. I wish I could believe in five impossible things before breakfast, but I'm just not so gifted. Believing a couple of impossible things in a lifetime seems like challenge enough for me.

    - They can be hyper-aware of the emotions of others, but occasionally entirely oblivious to their own anger or resentment. One of my INFJ friends can be yelling arguing a point, and deny he is even slightly upset. Later he'll come back around and apologize for that. I realize this one may not be typical for a healthy INFJ, but as long as we are sharing irritations...

    So there's my INFJ rant. I admit it's probably colored by my envy of their ability to more directly express themselves in the world, and their ability to throw themselves into the path their Ni leads them on.

  5. #5
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Haven't really had problems with the type, just individuals. Eh, unless the INFJ is in big time mother hen mode and starts trying to mother me around, but that's it. I otherwise have more head butting contests with others of my own type.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Yes I must admit I do get the strong urge to give advice. Friends and coworkers often come to me to vent their frustrations, and over the years I've gradually come to realize that often what they want is just a sympathetic ear, not ideas for how to get out of their predicament. It's tough though because sometimes I feel like I can see the unobscured big picture and a simple solution more clearly than they do (especially true of xSxJ friends), and I just want to step in and help!

    Now back to the topic at hand, I love INFPs and find them to be kindred spirits in many ways. But I'd have to say that points of contention are flakiness and mood swings. Not that I'm always free of those things myself!



    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Okay, I'm reposting this from another forum, so be warned. This was a thread on "What pisses you off about INFJs?" This was meant to be a little cheeky, so I hope the INFJs don't take too much offense.

    Okay, one of my best friends from college is an INFJ and work closely with an INFJ. I love them to death, but they do have a few teensy little flaws...

    - They love giving unsolicited advice. They can be extremely, relentlessly nudgy. The fact that it's for your own good doesn't change this. As an INFP, I'm getting plenty of critique on what I should be doing internally, I don't need extra pressure from outside. k? thx!

    - They apparently signed up for the alternative-medicine/belief-system buffet. One of them believes in reiki, homeopathy, colored light therapy, reincarnation, herbalism, etc. The other has been a fundamentalist Christian, a rainbow family hippie, a polyamory family member, a tarot card reader, etc. I wish I could believe in five impossible things before breakfast, but I'm just not so gifted. Believing a couple of impossible things in a lifetime seems like challenge enough for me.

    - They can be hyper-aware of the emotions of others, but occasionally entirely oblivious to their own anger or resentment. One of my INFJ friends can be yelling arguing a point, and deny he is even slightly upset. Later he'll come back around and apologize for that. I realize this one may not be typical for a healthy INFJ, but as long as we are sharing irritations...

    So there's my INFJ rant. I admit it's probably colored by my envy of their ability to more directly express themselves in the world, and their ability to throw themselves into the path their Ni leads them on.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    INFPs and INFJs can get along scarily well, but it takes some perception adjustment.

    For me, it's realizing that their unsolicited advice is with good intentionscheck your pride at the door and take their criticism as a chance to help you grow. If you fail to do this you'll most likely end up building this resentment like 'quit trying to help me.' I've sort of noticed that INFJs seem to be a little more utilitarian than INFPsthe means justify the ends sort of thinking. So they may take a route that we don't necessarily approve of, but with INFJs you have to look at what they've done and not so heavily at how they did it, or else this could grow to be a major contention between our two types.

    Let's face it; INFJs are more efficacious than us. Their means are bound, at times, to seem overly forceful and incompassionate, even if the end is for a very good purpose.

    As long as both of you are emotionally mature and can alter perceptions a bit, the INFP-INFJ relationship becomes insanely symbiotic: the INFP encourages the INFJ to slow down a bit, relax, smell the roses, and the INFJ encourages the INFP to have a little more oomph, be a bit more decisive, try sticking to a plan once in a while. As long as both realize each other's underlying natures and don't try to push the other past their breaking point, but gently goads the other out of their comfort zone once in a while, it's pretty fantastic.
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
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  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    It is really interesting to read the rest of this thread and see how you view each other. I don't remember if there is an INTJ/INTP thread like this, but it's interesting there as well... I could immediately list a bunch of differences that can bond INTJ/INTP but also cause some difficulty in communication.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia
    Where do you find those areas of contention lie? What do you find hardest to understand about the other type?
    here's a rather fumbly inexact description of my observations as an outsider to both (but maybe it will be helpful/interesting as a third point of triangulation):

    I have both close INFP and INFJ friends.

    What I notice is that INFP seems more "flexy open." They are more obviously tender-hearted in a "raw" sense (I don't know how to explain it better). Any walls I run across in exploring/interacting with them are "fuzzy walls," if that makes sense, I can poke and prod a bit and sense some give there and get a feel for what might be in it because of how the wall flexes around that hidden knowledge.

    With my INFJ friends, there's just a veneer of control and a cordial wall / way of doing things around them. They are very kind but read "cooler" to me than the INFP counterpart. I also feel like certain areas of knowledge are very blocked off while others are very open. The walls are much more firm and I only get access to a hidden area if they come right out and tell me what's there.

    I'm more careful with most of my INFJ friends because I don't either want to run into a wall and hurt myself or else go completely into an undesired location and have them shut me out. With my INFP friends, I feel I have more leeway -- they have a playful, fuzzy way of flexing around me if I intrude too far by accident, and they might give a bit or throw me something to see what I'll do with it. INFJ seems far less prone to do that, even if I put myself out there first; the decision has usually been made up front about what information I will be allowed access to. INFJ feels more engimatic to me, I usually can grasp what lies underneath in my INFP friends more easily.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    My best friend in the WORLD is an INFP.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  10. #10
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    I met up with two INFP's and I really enjoyed being around them and talking with them -- we could talk for hours -- at least this was my perception, but neither friendship ever seemed to go anywhere. I blamed it on them not having their acts together -- if I initiated something, they responded, but they never (or rarely) invited me to do anything. But then again, maybe they just didn't like me that much -- ??

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