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  1. #41

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    INFJ: I really need you.
    INFP: I'm really really down today as well. Bad day bad day bad day. I'm sorry but I can't right now. I need to be alone.
    INFJ: Well you know what? If you were in my position.. I'd be there in a heartbeat.
    INFP: I know, I'm sorry. I just can't. Not today.
    INFJ: Just don't count on me helping you out when you're the one who needs me.
    INFP: ...

  2. #42
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I'm kinda like "you know, you had LOTS of chances to contextually insert this into related conversations before but didn't, so I'd guess that either it wasn't an issue or else you thought it wasnt that big of an issue, so why are you now acting like its this super world-ending big deal thats eating you alive???"

    My guess is that INFJ's just need lots of time to feel comfortable sharing their deep thoughts/issues/stuff, but overall I'm just surprised that 1) they didn't say it before when the conversation flowed that way anyways, and 2) it seems so the world is ending or whatever to them. Life goes on, the sun comes up in the morning, most people really just don't care that much, this won't cause the world to end.
    Well, it's mostly because we're not tuned in to "the flow of conversation." Whenever someone talks about that, I think they're crazy, because I've never noticed a "flow of conversation." That's a totally Ne phenomenon.

    Also, the bolded is really insensitive and sloppy. You do realize that the issue might very well flare up and then dissipate, right? It's not like our feelings are just sitting inside in solid form. In other words, we might very well react differently the next time because we had an experience that triggered the old skeleton/issue since the last time we spoke. Speaking about something vaguely related to it isn't always enough to trigger it.

  3. #43

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    to put it simply INFJs are too judgmental and INFPs are too selfish. course this is all a matter of perception

  4. #44
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I've always thought that "selfish" is a rather strange way to characterize INFPs. Most profiles say the complete opposite.

  5. #45
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I think INFP's are concerned about violating/invading INFJ's privacy, and INFJ's are concerned about offending INFP's values.
    This is one I've had fun with.

    Quote Originally Posted by matilda View Post
    INFJ: I really need you.
    INFP: I'm really really down today as well. Bad day bad day bad day. I'm sorry but I can't right now. I need to be alone.
    INFJ: Well you know what? If you were in my position.. I'd be there in a heartbeat.
    INFP: I know, I'm sorry. I just can't. Not today.
    INFJ: Just don't count on me helping you out when you're the one who needs me.
    INFP: ...
    Funny, I was there for her in the beginning then she walked away. I ended up having to neglect her later just to save my own sanity.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #46
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    We're not going to trust just anyone with something that means a great deal to us. It takes a lot of time to trust someone with that information. That shouldn't be such a big surprise.

    And your #2 reason is probably another big reason why we don't share it. If the other person is going to act like something that really means a lot to us (in terms of its impact on us) is frivolous or not a big deal, no way in hell would we want to share it with you. Belittling something that is obviously a big deal to us will get you nowhere fast, just a heads up.

    And of course an INFJ would want to project a "I have it all together" attitude. We do have a certain degree of pride.
    Bingo, my peculiarities may not be big to some but can be everything to me and if someone belittles that without understanding my emotional commitment to it, then I couldn't possibly befriend them.

    And the "i have my shit together" thing isnt an image, its just the way we live. We have pride in how we project ourselves to the world and we have a penchant for keeping things orderly and nice. From my clothes, to my hair, to my SUV to my home I keep them form fit and clean and ready to roll at all times because if I am going to own something I am going to maintain it with the best standards. Otherwise whats the point of owning it?

  7. #47
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Bingo, my peculiarities may not be big to some but can be everything to me and if someone belittles that without understanding my emotional commitment to it, then I couldn't possibly befriend them.

    And the "i have my shit together" thing isnt an image, its just the way we live. We have pride in how we project ourselves to the world and we have a penchant for keeping things orderly and nice. From my clothes, to my hair, to my SUV to my home I keep them form fit and clean and ready to roll at all times because if I am going to own something I am going to maintain it with the best standards. Otherwise whats the point of owning it?
    I'm not trying to downplay the value of a "having your stuff together] attitude. There is a LOT of value in that, especially when dealing with other people.
    I think NFP's have a very "let it all hang out there" kinda approach, so to see someone who seems to have it all together, and then kinda melts down about some inner demon is the opposite of our "let it all hang out there" approach, and hence we find it surprising.

  8. #48
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Ha ha - I've done that a few times and it always shocks/horrifies other people. I think INFJs do that too about emotional meltdowns. They are usually pretty good under stress and then every now and then they just collapse at what seems to others to be a rather unexpected time.

  9. #49
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Well, it's mostly because we're not tuned in to "the flow of conversation." Whenever someone talks about that, I think they're crazy, because I've never noticed a "flow of conversation." That's a totally Ne phenomenon.

    Also, the bolded is really insensitive and sloppy. You do realize that the issue might very well flare up and then dissipate, right? It's not like our feelings are just sitting inside in solid form. In other words, we might very well react differently the next time because we had an experience that triggered the old skeleton/issue since the last time we spoke. Speaking about something vaguely related to it isn't always enough to trigger it.
    I doubt that flow of conversation is an Ne phenomena. I'd look to E_F(J)'s to be the natural pros at conversation, and ENFJ,ESFJ, and ESFP don't have Ne as a dominant or secondary function.

    Yes, issues can flare up and there disappear. I'd generally attribute that to something triggered a reaction, and then the issue got resolved/dealt with and things go on.

    About other people not being devastated by INFJ's issues/demons/skeletons/stuff, I think that it is a very REALISTIC assessment that the world keeps turning and that most people aren't super-duper concerned about INFJ whatevers. I'm not trying to trivialize INFJ's "stuff", just trying to point out that its not nearly as critical to others as it is to you. You all aren't the center of the world, really. Nor am I for that matter. There are 6billion+ people on this world, most social interactions aren't that deep, most people don't care about other people all that much. The world won't stop and wait on baited breath because some INFJ [or anyone else for that matter] is having a personal issue.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Ha ha - I've done that a few times and it always shocks/horrifies other people. I think INFJs do that too about emotional meltdowns. They are usually pretty good under stress and then every now and then they just collapse at what seems to others to be a rather unexpected time.
    Yeah. And since INFJ's have so much going on underneath the surface that others don't know about [as do all I's probably, and IN's, and INF's emotionally], we [non-INFJ's] end up surprised because we generally had little/no idea it was coming cuz we don't know what's going on in an INFJ's head.

    Lots of people have emotional or other meltdowns though, really. It's definitely not an INFJ-only phenomenon. And I'll take an INFJ meltdown over plenty of other types! I'll stay away from ESFJ, ESTJ, and others meltdowns of fireworks proportions. "The whole world will know how I feel and hear about it, expleteives and all as I want!" <- more common attitude in ES's

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