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  1. #21
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    The especially soft spot for me is when people tell me about their major traumas.
    I can completely relate to that. I always tell people that if they talk to me about what they had for breakfast I will just switch off (boring small-talk) but if they start telling me about their childhood traumas I am suddenly interested, able to listen and can sincerely empathize. It's about deepening relationships again, by showing your true self to me you are strengthening our relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I'm not sure how people know that, I guess it's some vibe, but they seem to tell me stuff all the time. I am the one the both sides of argument come to talk to. Usually I can't do anything but listen, though...
    Isn't the INFP known as "The Healer" on some personality pages? I guess you just give of this vibe so if an INFP is healthy they can be the most amazing people to comfort and tend the wounded.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    If I had a friend who lived 20 minutes walk from my home and i was layed up with a broken foot or leg and thye never came to visit or call they would no longer be allowed into the Billy show and take part in my awesome rise to glory :P I wonder, for an INFJ i am a little over confident sometimes. lol
    I am wondering how overconfident an INFJ could be since we are naturally so introspective. I think that I have a lot of great characteristics but am just as aware of things that I am not good at. It feels like other types can ignore what's going on on their inside are but I am constantly focussing inward, checking if my motivations are sincere and if I really walk the talk so it's really difficult trying to fool myself.

  3. #23
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Isn't the INFP known as "The Healer" on some personality pages? I guess you just give of this vibe so if an INFP is healthy they can be the most amazing people to comfort and tend the wounded.
    It's probably because INFPs are among the most non-judgemental people around and others can easily pick up on this from even the most basic interactions. So they can open up and spill their darkest secrets without fear.

    Being an FI-dom, a mature INFP would have a deep well of past experiences to draw from, coupled with the ability to look at a problem or situation from all possible sides. When an INFP tells you "I know what you are feeling", it's not just to make you feel better, but he most probably does understand what you are talking about.

  4. #24
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Mostly, I feel as if the INFP is certain of their own values, and not open to meaningful input about what values are appropriate in what situations. To me, this makes them seem annoyingly inflexible, and their surface flexibility seem like a shallow and misleading attempt to appear open-minded and thoughtful. It feels as if they're trying to direct me towards what they feel is right by throwing out ideas that seem random but all hint at the same underlying principle, and use open, unassertive language hoping I'll think their values were my idea based on the view the ideas were meant to evoke. I almost feel like my intelligence is being insulted, that they think I'm stupid enough not to see that they're subtly promoting their own values.
    I can relate to this to a certain degree, but am not sure if it's to the same extent or not. Related to your thought that it feels the infp is 'directing you towards what they feel is right....', I can get the same feeling at times. I do not know that that is their intent, but I admit I can read it as such. I don't necessarily read the mellowness as without intent...I think there is an aim behind it, so I don't read it as pure 'mellowness', because I think that is a facade to an extent, as I know at the same time that they DO have very solid beliefs deep down, and are particular about certain things. But maybe too I'm just misreading and that's totally not the case.

    I do think it's the result of the INFP's dominant introverted process being a judging one, and their extroverted nature being perceiving -- that would explain their outward flexibility, more 'unassertive language'/probing/seemingly random comments being thrown out there, while you can sense inwardly they are relatively certain of their values and beliefs and not as apt to change those. More solid on the inside, not so much on the outside. I think this contributes to my ease in communicating, opening up, and trusting that anything I say will be perfectly ok and acceptable with fellow INFJ's, and less so with INFP's. I don't trust at all that I can be perfectly frank with INFP's, because I could easily step on their values or offend them unintentionally if I were truly honest.

    INFJ's (well, at least me, haha) having a dominant perceiving process would be more flexible inside, more hazy, less solid, in terms of values/beliefs, and openness to vastly different perspectives. But, yes, less open on the outside, more controlled, more purposeful, perhaps, and more direct in communication/language, definitely more compartmentalized and choosy about who to share what with, at what time. Many walls, as Jennifer noted. As for a comment made of INFP's being the most non-judgemental...I am not sure I agree. Externally they seem quite mellow, certainly; but their internal system is so sound, and they tend to have much more certainty regarding their beliefs and right/wrong, than I or a few of my INFJ friends tend to have. But...the INFJ's outwardly judging process probably contributes to this sense of judgment -- outwardly the INFJ would be viewed as more inflexible and probably less open when it comes to sharing.

    I think Jennifer raises some interesting/good points as well, especially regarding openness of self.

    Honestly I don't see INFJ's and INFP's as being terribly similar to one another!! Taking the three INFP's I know into consideration, there are definite differences.
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  5. #25
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yes, I think that both types are actually paradoxes. They are actually on the inside opposites in some ways of what they appear to be outwardly.

  6. #26
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Of the few INFJs I've casually known, I'd say what annoys me is:

    - Overly formal, stiff way of talking/writing sometimes. It can seem very pretentious. Actually, INFJs can seem very pretentious, period. INFPs seem a little more light-hearted, but keep in mind this is coming from me, and I know I can seem somewhat contrived at times.

    - INFJs can seem rather non-committal to large ideas, yet quick to judge on things which seem trivial to me. Their values seem too fluid & dependent on the external for my tastes. As mentioned, it can make them seem like they jump on and off bandwagons of ideas that seem, er, rather ridiculous and not very well-developed.

    Being flexible on small things and having a strong, solid foundation of principles makes sense to me, as an INFP....I don't want to change with the wind on my basic moral tenants, which are well thought-out before solidified, not adopted arbitrarily. INFPs are said to be truth-seekers, and INFJs seem more like idea-seekers.

    - INFJs can seem intolerant. Because their values seem to be more tied with community standards, I suppose they feel some justification in expressing these opinions. I think INFPs are the most tolerant type, although not the least judgmental. The ability to hear and accept many different viewpoints without abandoning our own principles seems like the epitome of tolerance to me. (We talked about this on INFPgc, if this sounds familiar to anyone who posts there also).

    - The INFJ forum is sooooo boring. If INFPgc seem whiny, that place seems like a big snooze fest. INFPs seem so much more playful and whimsical. It's hard to see the side of INFJs that isn't overly serious, but I know it IS there.

    And after saying all that, I rather like most INFJs I come across.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #27
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    I am wondering how overconfident an INFJ could be since we are naturally so introspective. I think that I have a lot of great characteristics but am just as aware of things that I am not good at. It feels like other types can ignore what's going on on their inside are but I am constantly focussing inward, checking if my motivations are sincere and if I really walk the talk so it's really difficult trying to fool myself.
    I feel I have mastered my emotions to the point where I don't have to worry too much about hurting my own feelings anymore by betraying them. Once you are free from that, then you use that feeling elsewhere or you start using a different cognitive skill like Ti or Te.

    I have rules I make myself live by for behavior, and as long as I don't violate those I am usually fine, and free enough to appear confident in the room and take charge in a more outwardly way. When a rule is possibly going to be violated but I am not sure my Ni kicks back in to rip the scenario to shreds and see into the future and figure it out, which I then feed back to my Fe and Ti lol.

  8. #28
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Of the few INFJs I've casually known, I'd say what annoys me is:

    - Overly formal, stiff way of talking/writing sometimes. It can seem very pretentious. Actually, INFJs can seem very pretentious, period. INFPs seem a little more light-hearted, but keep in mind this is coming from me, and I know I can seem somewhat contrived at times.

    Yeah, I know I'm like that anyway. I think I have a big enough inner editor that people can't see the funnier parts unless I know them quite well and it's usually more one on one.

    - INFJs can seem rather non-committal to large ideas, yet quick to judge on things which seem trivial to me. Their values seem too fluid & dependent on the external for my tastes. As mentioned, it can make them seem like they jump on and off bandwagons of ideas that seem, er, rather ridiculous and not very well-developed.

    I agree that I've seen some flaky INFJ ideas. I'm curious what kinds of bandwagons you mean though. Can you give examples? I think we seem non-committal to large ideas because we need time to mull them over and fit them into the larger structure of our thinking (takes more time than details). We also just don't seem as good with surprises - I get my heart set on dumb little things and need a few minutes to adjust if it's not going to go that way.

    Being flexible on small things and having a strong, solid foundation of principles makes sense to me, as an INFP....I don't want to change with the wind on my basic moral tenants, which are well thought-out before solidified, not adopted arbitrarily. INFPs are said to be truth-seekers, and INFJs seem more like idea-seekers.

    - INFJs can seem intolerant. Because their values seem to be more tied with community standards, I suppose they feel some justification in expressing these opinions. I think INFPs are the most tolerant type, although not the least judgmental. The ability to hear and accept many different viewpoints without abandoning our own principles seems like the epitome of tolerance to me. (We talked about this on INFPgc, if this sounds familiar to anyone who posts there also).

    Yeah, I have a tendancy to rule things out when they don't fit, rather than just listening. I think the seeming intolerance has more to do with how we process information than anything else.

    - The INFJ forum is sooooo boring. If INFPgc seem whiny, that place seems like a big snooze fest. INFPs seem so much more playful and whimsical. It's hard to see the side of INFJs that isn't overly serious, but I know it IS there.

    I agree. I've looked at more than one INFJ forum. I found that people were either disgustingly supportive (absolutely no waves/disagreement/calling anyone on stories that seemed wildly ridiculous) and a little pendantic all by their lonesomes.

    And after saying all that, I rather like most INFJs I come across.
    I think this list is funny because I considered making one about INFPs and then realized it would seem kind of negative, and yet at the sum of the parts, I actually quite like the INFPs I know.

  9. #29
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I think INFPs are the most tolerant type, although not the least judgmental. The ability to hear and accept many different viewpoints without abandoning our own principles seems like the epitome of tolerance to me.
    Very well said.

    I was going to add something here, but it's unnecessary.
    As if that sentence was necessary...

  10. #30
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think this list is funny because I considered making one about INFPs and then realized it would seem kind of negative, and yet at the sum of the parts, I actually quite like the INFPs I know.
    Well, the thread is about contentions
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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