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  1. #11
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    It's kinda funny how we're tempted to think "just one letter different", and assume they should get on.

    From what I see, it's when the first letter changes and nothing else, that's what makes two types most similar-yet-different. Change any of the other letters and you've got a completely unrecognisable kettle of fish.

    Jennifer - my experience is just the same as yours, in this area.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  2. #12
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    But then again, maybe they just didn't like me that much -- ??
    Eh, many of us are simply lazy and apprehensive. It's our faults. Don't take it personally.

    We love you, we just don't always know how to activate that love toward anything productive.

    That's why when INFJ comes in and says "Let's do something", the INFP is relieved because they don't have to make a conscious decision to do anything but go with the flow.

  3. #13
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    That's interesting, Jennifer! What do you find are the friction between INTP and INTJ comes in? Do you get along quite well with ENTPs?

  4. #14
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Mostly, I feel as if the INFP is certain of their own values, and not open to meaningful input about what values are appropriate in what situations. To me, this makes them seem annoyingly inflexible, and their surface flexibility seem like a shallow and misleading attempt to appear open-minded and thoughtful. It feels as if they're trying to direct me towards what they feel is right by throwing out ideas that seem random but all hint at the same underlying principle, and use open, unassertive language hoping I'll think their values were my idea based on the view the ideas were meant to evoke. I almost feel like my intelligence is being insulted, that they think I'm stupid enough not to see that they're subtly promoting their own values.

    I tend to feel like I'm being more open by telling them what I value upfront, and offering to let them disagree or challenge it, perhaps give me a new perspective.

    Then again, I can imagine what Fe looks like to someone with an internalized value system... and it's not very pretty either.

    ENFPs are not quite the same, though. At first, some INFP-like dynamics can appear if I don't know them well, but after we hash things out, we usually find that we simply misread each other at first, and end up largely agreeing or compromising.

  5. #15
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    I like INFPs, I get along well with them emotionally and they are quite receptive to my gentle kindness and flattery, the only thing about that that puts me off in general and I know a few iNFPs is their lack of direction and drive to accomplish things. They do things at a much slower more gentle pace than I would prefer to do something. When I want to do something I want it done, I want it done fast and I want it done properly. That's the goal and I will make that happen, how it is made to happen is up for grabs. Whatever seems the most like it will work the best.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    When I want to do something I want it done, I want it done fast and I want it done properly.
    Haha that is so like me, I could have invented the concept of efficiency, don't stand in my way getting things done.

    I wrote this about a (former) INFP friend of mine a few months ago in this thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...s-related.html Though I think my friend was behaving like an unhealthy INFP it might shed light on some INFP/INFJ head-butting issues.

    I have an INFP friend and though I really like her as a person she is quite a bad friend for the simple reason that she is very selfish. I am wondering if that is related to her having Fi as a dominant function and her using it in an unhealthy way.

    I'll try to put her behaviour into words. My friend often goes by how she feels about things on the inside, for example if she feels like she needs to be around people she will be happy to spend time with you, if she wants her own space she will make it clear to you and not spend time with you even if you as a friend might need her company. I in contrast would spend time with a friend in need whatever my mood is simply because this person is my friend and I believe in sometimes sacrificing your own needs for someone else. My friend doesn't seem to get the concept of sacrifice at all, her own wellbeing and "inner feeling compass" determine how she acts, other people's feelings don't really become part of the equation.

    She also doesn't seem to get simple rules of friendship that are to me clear as day. For example I broke my foot last year and had to spend a lot of time at home and though I told her about my accident via email pretty soon and she lived just twenty minutes walk from my flat it didn't occur to her at all to pay me a visit during these weeks. I know that if my good friend had an accident and was homebound I would be over there in a flash to cheer her up. And I think it's much to easy to blame it on me being an extroverted feeler and her being an introverted feeler, I do think a lot of IxFPs would visit a sick person too, is her use of Fi just very unhealthy? (And no, her behaviour has nothing to do with her not liking me or trying to avoid me, the simple self-sacrificial rules of friendship just don't seem to occur to her.) She is also the kind of person that I wouldn't ask for help if I really needed it because I would be too scared that she "just wouldn't feel like helping me", hiding that sentiment rather badly underneath a thin coat of superficial empathy to quieten her conscience.

    Any thoughts on that? (And if anyone wonders (since I am an INFJ) I haven't doorslammed her yet (she probably wouldn't even notice since I haven't heard from her since I moved away from my home country seven months ago and I am just tired of always making the first step), she used to be one of my best friends at high school so I am more cautious about just cutting every contact completely off but she is working her way straight into the "I just couldn't be arsed to spend any more time and effort on you, you are invisible to me." INFJ zone)
    I remember that this thread started a whole discussion about how I am being too demanding of my friend by expecting her to behave in certain ways (my Fe I suppose) while I am thinking that one can expect basic things from friends else they are nothing more than acquaintances and in order to deepen a relationship the two parties have to invest in each other, giving of oneself, one's time etc else they are always going to be swimming in the shallow end of friendship.

  7. #17
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    OA - your post is priceless - one I'm going to have to print off for reference.

    For me Fi is so internal I have to use my own Ne to reference it. It is difficult to quantify to myself, never mind anyone else and all my explanations are going to be circuitous metaphors rarely able to state any of it directly.

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I can relate to what Lightyear is saying. I am wondering from an INFP perspective, how is it that you show/deepen friendship? For us, it is so tied up in trying to make the other person feel cared for, wanted or loved by us and usually involves things like initiating contact with the other person or dropping everything and running even when it is not convenient (which I realize can seem manipulative when we get frustrated after awhile that the favour doesn't seem to be returned when we need it). I know that you guys care, but in what way would that be expressed most often?

  9. #19
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I know that you guys care, but in what way would that be expressed most often?
    The especially soft spot for me is when people tell me about their major traumas. I won't ask anyone to do this, of course, but I am always ready for it with the closest people. I remember when a friend I never really got too close with told me about her wound, my perception of her changed completely as I had thought her to be too cold before but now knew the explanation of her high defenses. We hugged and cried for fifteen minutes. I think we are much closer now.

    Edit. And yeah, I've tried to be more physical, I touch people more. But, actually the way I "care" usually is that I am ready to listen the troubles of people and sometimes try to solve them. I'm not sure how people know that, I guess it's some vibe, but they seem to tell me stuff all the time. I am the one the both sides of argument come to talk to. Usually I can't do anything but listen, though...

  10. #20
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Haha that is so like me, I could have invented the concept of efficiency, don't stand in my way getting things done.

    I wrote this about a (former) INFP friend of mine a few months ago in this thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...s-related.html Though I think my friend was behaving like an unhealthy INFP it might shed light on some INFP/INFJ head-butting issues.



    I remember that this thread started a whole discussion about how I am being too demanding of my friend by expecting her to behave in certain ways (my Fe I suppose) while I am thinking that one can expect basic things from friends else they are nothing more than acquaintances and in order to deepen a relationship the two parties have to invest in each other, giving of oneself, one's time etc else they are always going to be swimming in the shallow end of friendship.
    If I had a friend who lived 20 minutes walk from my home and i was layed up with a broken foot or leg and thye never came to visit or call they would no longer be allowed into the Billy show and take part in my awesome rise to glory :P I wonder, for an INFJ i am a little over confident sometimes. lol

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