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  1. #21
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    I'm guessing we all eventually end up stewing in our own misery?
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  2. #22
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Misery is much better stewed and much less slimey than, say, okra.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  3. #23
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Contrary to what an INFJ description says, I am never really too confidant. I tend to second-guess myself. I rarely can even fight with the opposing party because I do essentially second-guess myself and I sort of convince myself that I was the one at fault, somehow. I find a way to beat myself up on all of my shortcomings.
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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Contrary to what an INFJ description says, I am never really too confidant. I tend to second-guess myself. I rarely can even fight with the opposing party because I do essentially second-guess myself and I sort of convince myself that I was the one at fault, somehow. I find a way to beat myself up on all of my shortcomings.
    I do this too, but I'm wondering if the profile you read was written by an actual INFJ. I find that I can naturally give off an impression of confidence to others, but it's deep down inside that I am second guessing myself or blaming myself. I don't tend to show that side of me readily to others. I also think it has something to do with the way we speak. Since INFJs tend to speak directly, we normally seem very sure of ourselves and what we are saying regardless of whether or not we actually feel that way deep down inside.

  5. #25
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    I do this too, but I'm wondering if the profile you read was written by an actual INFJ. I find that I can naturally give off an impression of confidence to others, but it's deep down inside that I am second guessing myself or blaming myself. I don't tend to show that side of me readily to others. I also think it has something to do with the way we speak. Since INFJs tend to speak directly, we normally seem very sure of ourselves and what we are saying regardless of whether or not we actually feel that way deep down inside.
    Ah! Now it makes sense. When things bother me/I doubt myself I definitely don't let other people know, so in that sense I probably do look confidant.
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  6. #26
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    *bump*

    Hmm, now that depends on if I'm by myself or in the company of others.

    If I'm around others I'll:
    a) go stoic. answer questions in as few words as possible. roll my eyes when they're closed. hope whatever the focus of my anger leaves as soon as possible.

    b)become resigned that i can make the problem/person go away. become completely silent while they have their say - all the while i'm boiling inside.

    c) (and this rarely happens) i'll actually say when i'm thinking/feeling. it's not necessarily going to be an all out harangue on someone but i will go off. i hate arguing/debating especially if i don't care about the subject at all. but after going through a) and b) if i get to c) there will be those rare occasions where i'll let loose. usually followed by apologies later that day.

    If I'm by myself I'll:

    forget a)

    screw b)

    go straight to c). minus the apologies.

  7. #27
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    I get quiet and introspective....generally because I've done something stupid. I usually don't have somebody close at hand to vent to...so rather then frazzle myself I just think and ponder and try to understand.

    I have older kids who take everything I say with a huge grain of salt anyway...even when it's really good advise!!! Because of this, when I get angry with them I try to be fair and keep a dialogue going...they'll totally blow me off otherwise since "I am so old and irrelevant." They have their own mind...can't blame them for that.

  8. #28
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Contrary to what an INFJ description says, I am never really too confidant. I tend to second-guess myself. I rarely can even fight with the opposing party because I do essentially second-guess myself and I sort of convince myself that I was the one at fault, somehow. I find a way to beat myself up on all of my shortcomings.
    The INFJ description states high confidence? I certainly don't have that, and I second guess myself a great deal and lack certitude of all kinds. That is primarily the reason for the x at the end of my type. That mindset also makes it difficult to experience anger. Anger requires some certitude and a sense of some personal entitlement being violated. If you look at an issue from enough angles (which i thought is the function of Ni), then that personal entitlement tends to erode in the face of opposing assumptions of entitlement.

    Sometimes i will start to feel angry, but then i feel it disintegrate. There was one time i got angry enough to leave a situation, go for a drive, and grumble along with a potty mouth to myself, but within about ten minutes that was over. That is about as extreme as it gets. Anxiety is more my Achille's heel.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #29
    Senior Member edcoaching's Avatar
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    I find myself thinking about what upset me long afterward, first trying to decide if I need to respond or not (I usually don't) and if I do, spend hours figuring out what to email, say or do.

    I think a lot of INFJs work on the premise that they can solve everything themselves, so they withdraw to figure it out. When I learned I'm an Enneagram 7 I figured out why I don't usually get so upset but go into this "Do I have to do anything or can I let it ride?" mode. My defense mechanism as an E7 is optimism, which at its worst is "I can just go to the movie/read a book/do whatever because this huge [insert relationship/parenting/work/etc.] problem will work out somehow." Some data shows more INFJs correlate with E4 and E3 where the defense mechanism is to be unique and to be accepted, respectively, which would give different responses when ticked off.

    Pat Wyman, author of 3 Keys to Self Understanding where she lays out this theory, is doing a forum on it this month at CPP ICON Success

  10. #30
    Sniffles
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    Pretty much what Kyrielle said on the first page. And yes Im constantly second-guessing myself as well. Honestly, I really can't add much more to what others have said(damnit INFJs!!!! j/k )

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