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  1. #11
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Kyrielle's description fits me rather well too. It's like the "pressure cooker" syndrome... normally we're friendly and easy to get along with, but anger and frustration builds up until we lash out... suddenly.

    That makes me wonder... Are INFJs typically more prone to volatile emotions? And to avoid exploding, we build walls around ourselves to keep things under control?

  2. #12
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    Kyrielle and tovlo and to a large extent toonia, especially when I was younger, sums it up pretty well for me too. IOW, me too.


    Edit: I like nightning's "pressure cooker syndrome" too. It's exactly like me.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
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    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
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    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
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    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi
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  3. #13
    Member shimsham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    Depends on the situation. But generally:

    First stage: ...

    Second stage: ...

    Third stage: ...

    Fourth stage: ...
    Kyrielle's list also pretty much describes me perfectly. But, I rarely get extremely upset about things, usually only when the other person is being extremely unfair, or not listening, or yelling.

    I can also go through a fifth stage, which usually follows a blow-up, when my mind suddenly becomes incredibly clear and my thoughts very coherent. If I'm calming down at this point, then I can quickly defuse the situation and be very diplomatic. But, if I'm still angry, I can be pointedly cruel with what I say, pinpointing the parts of the other person that they're most uncomfortable about. I have only reached that point a handful of times throughout my life. It is (of course) followed by the fourth stage (a mental self-flagellation, if you will).

  4. #14
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    Depends on the situation. But generally:

    First stage: cold, quiet, locked down. I'm trying not to say anything I'd regret. My eyes are probably bugging out because I really, really want to fly off the handle and verbally assault you, but I know I shouldn't because it'd cause a huge messy ordeal.

    Fourth stage: Cool-down/personal flogging. This happens whenever I get upset. Sometimes I don't even go through a blow-up for this to happen. All I have to do is be the slightest bit rude to someone and I'll start flogging myself for being a monster. Usually a lot of crying and hiding somewhere where no one will find me for a while and feeling sorry for myself. Whoever might have upset me in the first place is immediately made innocent and everything is my fault.
    Hmmm, these two sound like me too. No crying though. I like to put emphasis on the first stage, which is where I usually have a stone-cold face with an icy stare right at the person that offended me. I don't speak, I don't move... I just glare. They can talk all they want but I will just glare. I hear it's pretty scary. Most of the time I just walk away afterwards, because I know the best way to get back at people is to not give them the response they are looking for.

    When someone makes me furious, I say something. It is usually dry, sharp, and aimed right at the bread-basket. Then I leave and beat myself up and imagine that person talking crap behind my back. That's when I stay hidden and insecure.
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  5. #15
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I'm a moderate E, and my father is an INFJ (as are many of my friends). We all seem to relate to the method of anger, how it builds, what triggers it, and the incredible intensity of it. I can be anything from mildly annoyed to pitching things across the room (which I've reined in). I have my father's temper, no doubt about it. The worst possible sign is when I go quiet. I've been told by friends that it's something like the tide rushing out ahead of a tsunami. If I'm still verbal in any way, there's hope of calming me down. If I'm no longer speaking, it's time to sit on me and pray I don't wriggle loose. It's not often I get THAT mad because I like people so much and want to believe the best of everyone, so if I've been pushed to the dead silence stage, there's a seriously abusive problem going on. And I do the mental self-flaggelating sometimes -- like I have no right to my feelings and I'm wrong to be so angry and I should feel lucky that people like me when I'm so hard to handle. Garbage like that.
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  6. #16
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    Detach, emotionally explode, detach out of embarassment for my emotional explosion which leads me into detached analyzation, cool down & try to work it out in the best possible way for both parties...

    Then it depends on how it works out... I need closure of some sort, so if nothing gets resolved then I usually detach again (or I get angry again and start the whole thing over).

  7. #17
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    When I'm upset? I try to explain myself but usually make things more convoluted, then detach, get hurt/upset, think something's wrong with me and how I am and what I'm doing, and basically blaming myself. So the pattern is basically: Immediately questioning myself and beating myself up, and not questioning the other person's role/viewpoint.

    After this initial phase I am able to see the other person played a role too, and I'm less emotionally affected by this point. This is where anger may enter the picture, although I'm not outwardly angry towards the other person. I'll instead become more logical/'robotic' in my responses, rather than lashing out - I just take the emotion completely out of it. I've been told I become rather 'robotic' when I'm angry/annoyed - I suppose in my attempt to keep things very civil while inside I'm incredibly worked up.

    I don't think I've ever yelled or gotten really verbally angry at anyone in my life. I usually go straight to trying to figure out what *I* did to bring about the whole situation. Hmm.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    When I'm upset? I try to explain myself but usually make things more convoluted, then detach, get hurt/upset, think something's wrong with me and how I am and what I'm doing, and basically blaming myself. So the pattern is basically: Immediately questioning myself and beating myself up, and not questioning the other person's role/viewpoint.

    After this initial phase I am able to see the other person played a role too, and I'm less emotionally affected by this point. This is where anger may enter the picture, although I'm not outwardly angry towards the other person. I'll instead become more logical/'robotic' in my responses, rather than lashing out - I just take the emotion completely out of it. I've been told I become rather 'robotic' when I'm angry/annoyed - I suppose in my attempt to keep things very civil while inside I'm incredibly worked up.

    I don't think I've ever yelled or gotten really verbally angry at anyone in my life. I usually go straight to trying to figure out what *I* did to bring about the whole situation. Hmm.
    Explaining myself usually comes out in my emotional explosion stage. I overexplain myself during this time - usually through email.

    I tend to blame myself & figure out what I did to make things fall apart during my analyzation stage. It's awful. Eventually I get really angry at the other person, but that's after beating myself up emotionally.

  9. #19
    Member MJ_'s Avatar
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    I'm also one of the pressure cooker people. I do my best to avoid conflict, but on occasion its as though some things just reach a breaking point. There is a cumulative level of very quiet anger that leads to some outburst. Usually in private at some later time. Followed by the personal flogging. I have a long fuse, I'm fairly easygoing, but I try to minimize it.

    Upset is different from angry, for me. Its more of an introspective mixture of self blame and tears. I get upset a lot more often than angry. I'll talk more when I'm upset.

    For some reason I dislike being angry more than upset. Upset is easier to hide, its easier to manage, and its over quickly. It feels good to get over either of them, but the upset seems to be more productive in terms of working through the emotions. And the j part of me likens anger to having a temper, which is just plain wrong.

  10. #20
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    Explaining myself usually comes out in my emotional explosion stage. I overexplain myself during this time - usually through email.

    I tend to blame myself & figure out what I did to make things fall apart during my analyzation stage. It's awful. Eventually I get really angry at the other person, but that's after beating myself up emotionally.
    Ok, you just summed me up to a T. :-) It had never occurred to me that my overexplaining via email (which is exactly what I do) is analagous to 'emotional explosion'. :-)

    But anyway, what you just wrote is what I do.

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