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  1. #1
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Default ESFP sister driving me insane

    It's not just sibling rivalry. I used to fight with my ESTP brother. Now we get on pretty well. I don't get her. She doesn't get me.

    It's like we speak different freaking languages. Anything I think is an appropriate topic of conversation she thinks is snobby and dogmatic and a waste of time, and what she considers good topics of conversation usually result in me staring open mouthed because of it's a. inanity, or b. sheer moral apathy. If I don't figure out how to interact with her peaceably it's going to dive me insane, or possibly to stab her with a fork.
    I try to ask her about her friends but she doesn't know anything *about* them. Maybe where they live or who they're dating, what they did last week, or a food they like. But what they think, what they fear, what they believe and hope for, what they resent. Nope.
    I thought I'd invite her to sensory things, since she's an S, but she doesn't like playing sports, she doesn't like working out, she doesn't like nature. She only wants to shop if she's buying something for herself (I don't have much money so I've invited her to go to a store and try on shoes/clothes, just for fun, but to no avail).
    Tried movies but they don't really work, just because our preferences are so different.
    I can't eat with her, even though we both love to eat, because I like real food and she likes fast food, and then she complains about being fat (which she isn't, and I tell her that if she stopped eating foods that were not only going to give her cancer and diabetes but were absolutely killing her metabolic rate than at least she wouldn't be bloated, and then she gets mad about me calling her fat even though she called herself fat and I only said bloated which is totally different than fat...).
    We can't talk about boys, because as much as she gets along with them and I usually don't, she is so cynical that I can't stand it. She also keeps trying to hook me up with losers (well, he graduated high school, and he's worked at Taco Bell for six months, *and* his parole is almost up. He even believes in God. You should meet him). Maybe I'd rather be single. But, she doesn't get that, because she *has* to be around people, like, ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
    And, when I ask her why she does something, or why she thinks something she looks at me like *I've* said something stupid or offensive and usually answers with "how should I know?" And I have no answer to that question because to me it's like asking "how do I breathe?"

    I'm not going to say I'm doing things right here. I know I'm not always gracious when I'm interacting with her, but I'm going to be here for a couple months more and since we're in the same house, I need to learn how to *interact* with her in a civil way, rather than just ignore her (which I've taken to doing as much as possible).

    So, advice is very welcome. Especially from other Ns and NFs but from all types. Just, please don't tell me "if you were nicer to her this wouldn't be a problem," as it doesn't explain how I'm supposed to go about dealing with her.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  2. #2
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    How old are you two? It sounds like that part of the problem, to me.

    I have an ESFP sister, and I've seen the "wha??" looks. You both need to learn to appreaciate the other person's strengths, that's all it comes down to.

  3. #3
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Elaur: I'm 25, she's 18. You wouldn't happen to have any idea how one goes about learning to appreciate another person strengths would you?
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  4. #4
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Elaur: I'm 25, she's 18. You wouldn't happen to have any idea how one goes about learning to appreciate another person strengths would you?
    Brainstorm about what they do better than you or most people. Those are her strengths.

    The age difference has to mean something too. She's still a teenager and still growing up.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    Im 21 one and have 20 year old ESFP sister, my sister was very nearly exactly the same way. And we used to always fight, actual fist fights and stuff when were younger. When I was 16 I had to go live with my father and my sister stayed with my mother. When we "reconnected" I was 19 and she was 17, those 3 years apart really did the trick. It gave both of us time to grow into who we are today, and when we came back into each others lives grew really fond of each other.

    To this day I actually live with my sister in our mothers house, and we have our problems. She has friends over all time of the day, even when shes not here or at work. Which drives me up a wall. But we respect each other and are able to talk things out.

    Though I dont think no matter how old or mature an ESFP becomes I think they will still pick dead beat, piece of shit, hollow friends...did i say that?

    Oh and a side note, my crazy mother is also an ESFP...
    SDMF

  6. #6
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    Oh and a side note, my crazy mother is also an ESFP...
    well, i guess the partys at your house then...

  7. #7
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    Though I don't think no matter how old or mature an ESFP becomes I think they will still pick dead beat, piece of shit, hollow friends...did i say that?
    Lol, yes, you did, and it was hilarious.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    It's not just sibling rivalry. I used to fight with my ESTP brother. Now we get on pretty well. I don't get her. She doesn't get me.

    It's like we speak different freaking languages. Anything I think is an appropriate topic of conversation she thinks is snobby and dogmatic and a waste of time, and what she considers good topics of conversation usually result in me staring open mouthed because of it's a. inanity, or b. sheer moral apathy. If I don't figure out how to interact with her peaceably it's going to dive me insane, or possibly to stab her with a fork.
    I try to ask her about her friends but she doesn't know anything *about* them. Maybe where they live or who they're dating, what they did last week, or a food they like. But what they think, what they fear, what they believe and hope for, what they resent. Nope.
    I thought I'd invite her to sensory things, since she's an S, but she doesn't like playing sports, she doesn't like working out, she doesn't like nature. She only wants to shop if she's buying something for herself (I don't have much money so I've invited her to go to a store and try on shoes/clothes, just for fun, but to no avail).
    Tried movies but they don't really work, just because our preferences are so different.
    I can't eat with her, even though we both love to eat, because I like real food and she likes fast food, and then she complains about being fat (which she isn't, and I tell her that if she stopped eating foods that were not only going to give her cancer and diabetes but were absolutely killing her metabolic rate than at least she wouldn't be bloated, and then she gets mad about me calling her fat even though she called herself fat and I only said bloated which is totally different than fat...).
    We can't talk about boys, because as much as she gets along with them and I usually don't, she is so cynical that I can't stand it. She also keeps trying to hook me up with losers (well, he graduated high school, and he's worked at Taco Bell for six months, *and* his parole is almost up. He even believes in God. You should meet him). Maybe I'd rather be single. But, she doesn't get that, because she *has* to be around people, like, ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
    And, when I ask her why she does something, or why she thinks something she looks at me like *I've* said something stupid or offensive and usually answers with "how should I know?" And I have no answer to that question because to me it's like asking "how do I breathe?"

    I'm not going to say I'm doing things right here. I know I'm not always gracious when I'm interacting with her, but I'm going to be here for a couple months more and since we're in the same house, I need to learn how to *interact* with her in a civil way, rather than just ignore her (which I've taken to doing as much as possible).

    So, advice is very welcome. Especially from other Ns and NFs but from all types. Just, please don't tell me "if you were nicer to her this wouldn't be a problem," as it doesn't explain how I'm supposed to go about dealing with her.
    I can give you the shadow of this experience. I'm INTJ; my sister is ESTJ. She's never liked the word "Why?" in her entire life. I'm convinced that if the OED tossed it out of the dictionary she wouldn't miss it.

    Different worlds is right; in this case, she views ME as morally compromised, and I think she's staggeringly uptight. Stop and marvel for a minute at ME thinking ANYONE else is uptight, and you'll get a picture of just how regimented and unquestioning her life is.

    OTOH, she may have a point about my moral ambiguity.

    We get along much better living 2000 miles apart. You seem to view your sister as flighty but sensitive; she probably views you as stodgy but sensitive. I view my sister as narrow-minded but logical; she probably views me as immoral but logical. Does that make sense?
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  9. #9
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    oh, heh, I have an ESFP sister. Yes, all of the above was very familiar growing up.

    She just broke up her best friend from May's marriage using myspace comments about the lady wanting to have an affair with her other new best friend's husband. It stared over children stealing pencils in a small texas town. She is 32....

    Ah, yes. I'd suggest putting at least 100 miles between you and her asap and never let her get your credit cards.

    If you must hang out, get drunk together, then go pick up guys. That can be fun...

  10. #10
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    I can give you the shadow of this experience. I'm INTJ; my sister is ESTJ. She's never liked the word "Why?" in her entire life. I'm convinced that if the OED tossed it out of the dictionary she wouldn't miss it.

    Different worlds is right; in this case, she views ME as morally compromised, and I think she's staggeringly uptight. Stop and marvel for a minute at ME thinking ANYONE else is uptight, and you'll get a picture of just how regimented and unquestioning her life is.

    OTOH, she may have a point about my moral ambiguity.

    We get along much better living 2000 miles apart. You seem to view your sister as flighty but sensitive; she probably views you as stodgy but sensitive. I view my sister as narrow-minded but logical; she probably views me as immoral but logical. Does that make sense?
    Yes, it does. And, yes, she probably does. 2000 miles huh? Opposite sides of the country or different continents? Oddly, when I'm away she says she misses me sooooooo much.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    oh, heh, I have an ESFP sister. Yes, all of the above was very familiar growing up.

    She just broke up her best friend from May's marriage using myspace comments about the lady wanting to have an affair with her other new best friend's husband. It stared over children stealing pencils in a small texas town. She is 32....

    Ah, yes. I'd suggest putting at least 100 miles between you and her asap and never let her get your credit cards.

    If you must hang out, get drunk together, then go pick up guys. That can be fun...
    Your sister.

    Ironically, my sister doesn't drink, and I don't go pick up guys (->virgin<-). Thanks for the suggestion though. Perhaps I should just move...
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
    ___________________

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