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Thread: ENFJ in a rut?

  1. #1
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ in a rut?

    So my mom (ESFJ) has been struggling with my younger brother, who I believe is an ENFJ (not 100% positive though), and I thought I'd get a little advice from everyone here. Whatever type he is, he isn't a very healthy one, because he was young when my parents divorced and he really struggled with it. Also, my dad was really manipulative with him. He's ADHD and my older brother, a doctor, thinks he's bipolar. He actually used to have a lot of aggression, but after a lot of events throughout this past year, he's toned it down a bit. He's 21, but almost seems like he has the mentality of an 8-year-old. He's very helpless... and has to have my mom practically hold his hand through everything.

    He's been living with her since May, when his semester ended, but isn't going back to school this Fall because my dad wouldn't pay for it. So for the past 5 months, he's been at home doing nothing. He's tried looking for a job, but he's never had one before, and isn't sure how to go about it. He's definitely stuck in some sort of rut. He won't go see his friends from school because they live 45 minutes away, and so my mom is pretty much his only social contact... which has got to be brutal for an Extrovert. But he doesn't know how to fix it! So as a result, he wears my mom out. He follows her around the house as soon as she gets home from work, talking up a storm. He'll talk about anything and everything, just to be able to talk. I once saw him pick up a tube of toothepaste from the counter and talk about the health benefits of that particular brand for 10 minutes. Another time, my mom said her boyfriend came over and he asked him -one- question: "In your opinion, what two mistakes did the Nazis make in WWII?" He loves military stuff. So he talked about that one question for 2 hours.

    Another problem is he's a bit OCD. He really wants to help my mom out, but unfortunately it's almost counterproductive. He'll go to the grocery store for her, and literally call her 30+ times asking about different brands of products, and what she prefers. She's exasperated by it... and admits it's almost easier to go herself. And as the 4th kid, I don't think he got as much "real life lessons" out of my parents... he kind of got the short end of the stick there. I mean... he's completely clueless. I'm not sure he even knows how to balance a checkbook.

    Okay... see... I'm not even sure what to ask! The kid is just a piece of work, and while he would like to be on his own two feet, he has no idea where to start. I've seen healthy ENFJS... and goodness ...I hope he can get at least -close- to that sometime soon, because they always seem to have their shit together. So ENFJs... have you ever been stuck in a rut like this, and stopped getting out and socializing? How did you deal with it? How would you teach an underdeveloped ENFJ to live in the real world? I feel like if someone could teach him these things in a successful way, he'd really latch on to it. Another question... do you struggle with OCD or perfectionist tendencies or no? If yes, how do you handle them?
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  2. #2
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    So ENFJs... have you ever been stuck in a rut like this, and stopped getting out and socializing? How did you deal with it? How would you teach an underdeveloped ENFJ to live in the real world? I feel like if someone could teach him these things in a successful way, he'd really latch on to it. Another question... do you struggle with OCD or perfectionist tendencies or no? If yes, how do you handle them?
    Yes and yes I have. One answer to both. Forcing oneself to get out and a) socialize b) get involved. We thrive on this, it's like the sugar rush which gives us so much passion.

  3. #3
    Glycerine
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    Most definitely. The talking incessantly is probably a desperate need for people interaction. He NEEDS to be around people or else he will probably never be happy and will stay kind of unhealthy. I think ENFJs have a strong need to connect to others and if they don't get at least some interaction with others, they start going down a dark road: reading into everything, overanalyzing, highly critical, bitter, depressed, hypochondriac, cynical, lethargic, unmotivated, stuck on the past/ past regrets, paranoid (any number of these things). This might be a Ni-Ti loop without getting any external stimulation for their dominant Fe. As a result, the individual will tell somebody all their ideas to engage in Fe (connecting w/ others). It's not a good place to be. The talking about the benefits of the toothpaste for two hours seems like a Ni-Ti loop with a need to use Fe.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    His problems might be a bit too serious to 'solve' using MBTI. Typology indicators are only working as a theory on a certain level.

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