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[MBTI General] Extroverts does this happen to you?

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
I still honestly can't make up my mind whether I really am an extrovert because of this, but I do get physically exhausted if I socialise too much.

For example last week my friend came to my house for my birthday on tuesday, and didn't leave until the following monday (this monday), with her 4 kids, so that's now me, my 3 kids, her, her 4 kids and my brother all in my house for that many days.

I was desperate for time alone, by the time she left on monday I didn't even want to answer the phone to anyone. I have been physically exhausted and withdrawn since then, and if it wasn't for the fact that I know she is very lonely, I wouldn't be heading back to hers from this friday for another 9 days because she tells me she is really low and doesn't want to be alone.

This is taxing me so badly, I really need some down time, I have been unable to function properly since she left. I feel brain dead, I feel like I need to recharge, something that introverts need to do right?

If you asked me how I would cope on a deserted island, part of me is crazy drawn to that hermit lifestyle and I know I would be fine with it (as long as I had internet connection haha).

Even if we removed all the kids from the equation, at a weeks company I would feel maxed out and would need to be alone or else I get snappy, rude, abrupt, basically everything I usually am not.

Again something I read happens to introverts.

So do other ENxP types suffer from this need to shut the world out after too much socialising?
 

Gerbah

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2009
Messages
433
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I'm an ISTJ but my husband is ENTP and he is actually not that social although an extravert. When he hasn't got something to do he will often phone someone but when it comes to face-to-face contact he would much rather spend his time with me and our daughter. The effort you have to put into inviting people over and entertaining them is tiring and troublesome for him. In fact, he could be perfectly happy living on a remote tropical island where he could live simply and comfortably with just me for company. That would drive me nuts! I would need contact with civilisation! But I'm introverted.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
It's tiring me, believe it. I'm torn between my need to be a good friend to someone who is hurting, and my need to be alone for a few weeks, and the former outweighs the latter.

We live in different parts of England too, so it involves crashing at each others houses, which means I don't even have the "bedtime downtime" that usually works well enough lol.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
:yes: Know the feeling, cannot help you determine though...
 

Gerbah

New member
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Oct 6, 2009
Messages
433
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ISTJ
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If you are just too tired right now I would just be honest about it to your friend. If she's your friend, she'll respect that. You could just talk on the phone if it will help her. But it sounds like you've made the commitment to the plans to go to her place already. Maybe make it clear that after this, this is all you can spare of your energy for the time being.
 

alcea rosea

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
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ENFP
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7w6
To the original question.

I'm not tired after lots of socialicing but I'm tired after having lots of people around in our house. It's because the fussing around when quests makes me tired. I mean all that household acitivities of cleaning up, making dinners, lunches, offering this and that, trying to keep everybody happy.

If I'm visiting somebody elses house with lots of people, I don't get tired at all.

So for me, visitors cause tiredness because it involves so much activities I have to do not because I would be tired of people and conversations.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Yes, this happens to me. In fact, I hardly socialize at all because I work so much. And if I work too much without a break in sight, I get grumpy or irritable, or at worst physically ill. :blush: Everyone needs their down time.

However, no one would claim I'm an introvert.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
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ENFP
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7w6
Any mother of 3 kids who has 4 kids over and a friend is going to get tired out. It's really not introvert/extrovert. Of course I'm ENFP, too. But yes, totally and entirely normal.

I think you also need to take time to decide if you need to put another 9 days into this. You don't need to kill yourself to try to keep someone else even. You are taking too much of yourself for this. You have a responsibilty to your kids to stay even, not to sacrifice yourself for someone else. You are going to have issues staying even if you wear yourself out so much. [/end lecture]
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4, 7
^I agree. Hats off to you.. I mean, having kids alone can be tiresome, can't it? Mommy is a huge role to play 24/7, and on top of that, to have company over for that period of time? Anyone would feel drained out..

Sounds like you need a break, and that is totally fine! :)
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Yeah, it's not the socializing that is tiring, it is the *hosting*. I love events and parties and I even enjoy throwing them or having a role in them, but you just can't enjoy them the same way. You're too busy antipcating and minding things and people. Your mind as well as your body is "all hands on deck". I also have no problem having close friends over my house and not doing anything in particular (just hanging out) and even offering food and drink and activities but if it were someone I did not know as well it would be more stressful because I would be more mindful and not be able to relax as much.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
I'm feeling mean. Is this a serious question? Wtf man!
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I'm often torn between doing my own thing and doing things with others.

I genuinely love people, but for me, socializing requires making a lot of compromises and adjustments, which can be draining at times.

For example----I am naturally spontaneous and energetic, which is often appreciated, but there are some situations where it is inappropriate to be bouncing off the walls.

In order to be considerate of others, I will moderate my jokes in certain company, make an effort to speak slowly and clearly, or be especially attentive to someone who's speech is hard to follow, etc.....

This requires patience, more than energy.

In other words, it requires keeping my energy in check, rather than expending energy.

So, when I need to be alone, it's not so much to regain energy, but to regain the freedom to be spontaneous and energetic again.
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
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Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
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ENFP
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To the original question.

I'm not tired after lots of socialicing but I'm tired after having lots of people around in our house. It's because the fussing around when quests makes me tired. I mean all that household acitivities of cleaning up, making dinners, lunches, offering this and that, trying to keep everybody happy.

If I'm visiting somebody elses house with lots of people, I don't get tired at all.

So for me, visitors cause tiredness because it involves so much activities I have to do not because I would be tired of people and conversations.

+1
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
If you are just too tired right now I would just be honest about it to your friend. If she's your friend, she'll respect that. You could just talk on the phone if it will help her. But it sounds like you've made the commitment to the plans to go to her place already. Maybe make it clear that after this, this is all you can spare of your energy for the time being.

Yeah, I'm definately going to have to. I did infact tell her this after the last round, but she is so down right now. It does matter to me, quite alot to be there for my friends, because I do know what it's like to be alone during those times, and it's not fun.

To the original question.

I'm not tired after lots of socialicing but I'm tired after having lots of people around in our house. It's because the fussing around when quests makes me tired. I mean all that household acitivities of cleaning up, making dinners, lunches, offering this and that, trying to keep everybody happy.

If I'm visiting somebody elses house with lots of people, I don't get tired at all.

So for me, visitors cause tiredness because it involves so much activities I have to do not because I would be tired of people and conversations.


Yes, me too. I could crash at my friends for ages because I'm not responsible for it, I guess I'm just exhausted from being the host. :yes:
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
Yes, this happens to me. In fact, I hardly socialize at all because I work so much. And if I work too much without a break in sight, I get grumpy or irritable, or at worst physically ill. :blush: Everyone needs their down time.

However, no one would claim I'm an introvert.

Haha yes I was like that when I was working, before the kids, and actually it always led to me quitting my job because I was overworking myself which meant no downtime because all my time off was used partying.

Any mother of 3 kids who has 4 kids over and a friend is going to get tired out. It's really not introvert/extrovert. Of course I'm ENFP, too. But yes, totally and entirely normal.

I think you also need to take time to decide if you need to put another 9 days into this. You don't need to kill yourself to try to keep someone else even. You are taking too much of yourself for this. You have a responsibilty to your kids to stay even, not to sacrifice yourself for someone else. You are going to have issues staying even if you wear yourself out so much. [/end lecture]


I hear what you're saying, and I agree, I just find it hard to put myself before others that I care about, which is obviously silly because I do need to care about me too.

I intend to cool it down, I can't be the crutch that props her up all the time, for her (esfp) she is an extreme E, never stops socialising, for me it's never been like that, I have my break point alot sooner.

So after this holiday break, I fully intend to take time off. :yes:
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
^I agree. Hats off to you.. I mean, having kids alone can be tiresome, can't it? Mommy is a huge role to play 24/7, and on top of that, to have company over for that period of time? Anyone would feel drained out..

Sounds like you need a break, and that is totally fine! :)

Heh, I was beginnning to question my extroversion based on this, good to hear other E's would also get drained. :D


Yeah, it's not the socializing that is tiring, it is the *hosting*. I love events and parties and I even enjoy throwing them or having a role in them, but you just can't enjoy them the same way. You're too busy antipcating and minding things and people. Your mind as well as your body is "all hands on deck". I also have no problem having close friends over my house and not doing anything in particular (just hanging out) and even offering food and drink and activities but if it were someone I did not know as well it would be more stressful because I would be more mindful and not be able to relax as much.

Yes, much as I enjoy being a good hostess, I hate the details that go with it, and I find the details of running a 3 kid ship hard enough as it is.


I'm often torn between doing my own thing and doing things with others.

I genuinely love people, but for me, socializing requires making a lot of compromises and adjustments, which can be draining at times.

For example----I am naturally spontaneous and energetic, which is often appreciated, but there are some situations where it is inappropriate to be bouncing off the walls.

In order to be considerate of others, I will moderate my jokes in certain company, make an effort to speak slowly and clearly, or be especially attentive to someone who's speech is hard to follow, etc.....

This requires patience, more than energy.

In other words, it requires keeping my energy in check, rather than expending energy.

So, when I need to be alone, it's not so much to regain energy, but to regain the freedom to be spontaneous and energetic again.


Yes, this is it for me too. :yes:
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
I'm feeling mean. Is this a serious question? Wtf man!

No, this isn't a serious quesion, it's not even a question, infact this isn't even a thread, and you aren't sitting infront of a screen. You are fast asleep on your bed having a dream, just a dream.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
The concept of having three kids is intimidating to me. :shock:

I only want one.

I get worn the fuck out if I am in constant company of others.

I like to seclude myself in my womb cave, introspect then go outside and play with and off others.

I have always had a hermit side.

Especially with the advent of the internet.

I could absolutely move to a beautiful place in the middle of nowhere with my man, and our hypothetical kid and blissfully just be (with our wifi) and a weekly visit into the city, and a yearly monthly visit to NY or LA.

:)
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
The concept of having three kids is intimidating to me. :shock:

It still is to me too. :horor:

I only want one.

I get worn the fuck out if I am in constant company of others.

I like to seclude myself in my womb cave, introspect then go outside and play with and off others.

I have always had a hermit side.

Especially with the advent of the internet.

I could absolutely move to a beautiful place in the middle of nowhere with my man, and our hypothetical kid and blissfully just be (with our wifi) and a weekly visit into the city, and a yearly monthly visit to NY or LA.

:)

Yeah, I could do that too, only minus the man, but with the number of a good full service male escort company who could send someone new out every now and again when I felt frisky. :D
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
It still is to me too. :horor:



Yeah, I could do that too, only minus the man, but with the number of a good full service male escort company who could send someone new out every now and again when I felt frisky. :D
You crack me up.

:D

I must admit, there is a part of me that wants to taste and fuck everything, just for experience sake.

:ninja:
 
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