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  1. #21
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    When you truly love, you actually like the differences.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    I believes ENFJs are able to move on at the very least. It is hard to let go of a person you've fallen in love for, but to show true love for that person is to allow that person to leave you and to move one. ENFJs want to show this kind of love, but they wish they could still keep that person for themselves.

    It is a harsh battle between the selfish self vs the selfless self. This battle tears the person up on the inside making their everyday life harder for him/her. This battle on the inside will be kept hidden from most people.

    When the person learns to be at peace with their inward battle, then that person will truly learn to fall out of love.

    It is also hard to "let go" when you truly believe you have a shot at getting your love back. You must also learn to let go of "that hope" and try to move on.

    Oh and "falling out of love" doesn't mean you can't care for that person. I believe ENFJs will always care for who ever they "fall out of love" with.

    Anyways, that is my view on it.

  3. #23
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    I have been smitten by an ENFJ woman at work. I was assigned to her for a temp assignment (I'm temping to get a film studio job) and she just totally fascinated me, as I think she is the first ENFJ woman I have met.

    She asked me a question, "Are those Docs you're wearing?" And when I said yes, she giggled and then left the room. Later on when she was putting some post-its on some cabinets I had to box up for her, she kept her back to the cabinet and was putting them on next to her, which seemed unusual.

    Anyway, I had work there a couple of days later and I saw her frequently, and she was very friendly. One time, when trying to enter the building, she rushed to open it for me. Am I wrong, or was there some attraction on her part there?

    I saw her a couple of times and she was very friendly. To make a long story short, I wanted to ask her out, but this occured before I started night school this semester, which I am doing three nights a week and it seriously limits my time for a personal life. I was working at a different location for the last month and saw her again last week, but she was definitely cooler (no smile). The classes I am taking are really boring and definitely not putting me in my best light, so what should I do?

    Am I now out of the picture, because I didn't sweep her off her feet when I had the chance (I really didn't because before I could be sure of what was going on, night school started), or when I get some free time again, is there a chance?

    I would definitely like to hear from some ENFJ women.

    BTW, I am in my late 30s, though I look pretty good, and she is in her mid-late 20s (26-27ish).

  4. #24
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Sounds like she may have a little thing for you, bro. She's already noticed your shoes and made mention of them to your face. I'd call that a good sign.

    The "no smile" situation could be any number of things totally unrelated to you. I know I can get into my head and be attacking several things at once, or be plagued by something that drains or upsets me, and a pile of money could fall into my lap and I wouldn't react.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  5. #25
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    I know what you mean. I was kind of in an "eh" mood that day as well. I don't work in the same building as her, so I have bumped into her at lunch on occasion and that time it was unexpectedly walking the lot.

    I do think that it was more than just a bad mood thing though. I was totally ga ga over her the first couple weeks of school (late August early September) and then I only saw her again last week. I think it may be more than that - like the whole sending mixed signals thing. Smiling and flirting but not asking her out. By the time I figured out that she was interested I never saw her alone, she was with a friend at lunch.

    I'm taking three night school classes (one is info systems and another economics) and having to use my T function so much is definitely taking me out of the romantic mood for the time being (only 7 more weeks of this crap!)

    I guess my question is - if she had a crush on me and then didn't really get to see much of me for so long that she starts looking around, if I came around again would she be interested or would she blow me off because the "true love" thing didn't happen like she expected the first time?

  6. #26
    Member MmmCrazy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liebesucht View Post
    I know what you mean. I was kind of in an "eh" mood that day as well. I don't work in the same building as her, so I have bumped into her at lunch on occasion and that time it was unexpectedly walking the lot.

    I do think that it was more than just a bad mood thing though. I was totally ga ga over her the first couple weeks of school (late August early September) and then I only saw her again last week. I think it may be more than that - like the whole sending mixed signals thing. Smiling and flirting but not asking her out. By the time I figured out that she was interested I never saw her alone, she was with a friend at lunch.

    I'm taking three night school classes (one is info systems and another economics) and having to use my T function so much is definitely taking me out of the romantic mood for the time being (only 7 more weeks of this crap!)

    I guess my question is - if she had a crush on me and then didn't really get to see much of me for so long that she starts looking around, if I came around again would she be interested or would she blow me off because the "true love" thing didn't happen like she expected the first time?
    Beware! I know for me, personally, I'm very friendly to everyone and sometimes I get scared if people have mistaken this friendliness for flirting. (Oftentimes I have good reason to be scared!) You might have let slip through your actions that you like her, and she might be afraid. If she is very quiet around you now, she's probably trying to hint that she doesn't like you in the same way.

    If she's still very friendly she might be returning your affections, so feel free to come around and ask her out. ENFJs are patient people, especially when waiting for the one they like.

  7. #27
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I can be very cagey about my crushes. I can like you in a very freaked-out, shaking all over, hardcore way and NEVER say anything. It's uncertain ground for me and I prefer to wait until I'm sure I can either extinguish the flames or give in because there's no hope of resistance.

    The only method to this madness is to just come out and ask her if she'd like to go for coffee or a movie or something. Make it sound friendly and light while peppering it with a "dark and hot", like you're sure of yourself and just waiting for her to catch the fever. Use that mysterious cool Fi to your advantage.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #28
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I can be very cagey about my crushes. I can like you in a very freaked-out, shaking all over, hardcore way and NEVER say anything. It's uncertain ground for me and I prefer to wait until I'm sure I can either extinguish the flames or give in because there's no hope of resistance.
    *eyes glaze over in dreamy look* Yep.... But I so rarely get that feeling about a guy, so very rarely get a crush on someone right off. Sigh.

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MmmCrazy View Post
    Beware! I know for me, personally, I'm very friendly to everyone and sometimes I get scared if people have mistaken this friendliness for flirting. (Oftentimes I have good reason to be scared!) You might have let slip through your actions that you like her, and she might be afraid. If she is very quiet around you now, she's probably trying to hint that she doesn't like you in the same way.

    If she's still very friendly she might be returning your affections, so feel free to come around and ask her out. ENFJs are patient people, especially when waiting for the one they like.
    This is a real thing to consider....some ENFJs seem flirty when they intend to only be friendly.

    The good thing is, INFPs tend to be overly modest in this in regard, and we often have to be hit over the head repeatedly with obvious signs to know there is an attraction, so mistaking friendliness for romantic interest is not usually an issue.

    Liebesucht, are you generally correct when you sense a woman likes you, or have you confused friendliness for romantic interest in the past?

    I agree to just ask her out casually and get it over with. Since you work together, a simple, "I'm getting coffee, want to come along?" may be a good approach, because it sounds like you're going either way, regardless of her answer. It seems less needy that way, or at least feels like you can save face in case of rejection. An ISFP guy told me this approach works out really well for him, and he's a total ladies' man .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  10. #30
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    I am normally correct in gauging these things. I am relectant to commit and have had women flirt with me, but I always keep a distance unless I am pretty sure that there will be something in the relationship. I fell for an ESFP pretty hard, and thought that her feelings were genuine (which they probably were at the time), but then she freaked out because I opened up big time and she wasn't ready for it, so she ran back to her ex who used to cheat on her. (?!?!?)

    To make a long story short, I think that it wasn't her. I talked to my supervisor (a woman) about it, and my supervisor gave her a call asking about my work performance, etc., and told me that I should give her a call. My supervisor said that she saw me around the lot and waved hi to me, etc., and that she was definitely still interested.

    I gave her a call the next day, and when she finally realized who I was (I kind of called her out of the blue), she immediately said yes, so I think I saw someone else who kind of looked like her. LOL! Wishful thinking on my part I guess. I'm having coffee with her on Tuesday, which I am looking forward to very much, and I guess we'll see what happens then.

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