The people who I’d consider my “best friends” (all female) are an ISFJ, an INFJ (for definite) and another INFJ…though the latter INFJ I sometimes suspect is more INFx or INFP. And actually, there is yet another INFJ, according to test results, but to me she sometimes seems more ENFJ or even a little ESFJ.
The ISFJ friend (fifteen years older than me, and we’ve been friends for about fifteen years since I was 13-14 and she was 28-29!) is just very supportive and loyal and also an interesting person. We have great conversations. I can get a bit bored sometimes if she starts rambling on about minor mundane details of when her workmate said this and the other one said that, or how she’s ordered up a new washing machine, but you know what, it’s ok. The majority of the time our conversations are really interesting and I figure as a friend I can let her ramble a bit about things that personally bore me a little. Equally, she listens to me sometimes rather emo ramblings or my digressions on poetry, etc, though it’s probably not really her thing. She certainly is good at listening and giving balanced, sympathetic advice.
I have or have had various close friends whose type I really have no idea about, as well. I think that most of my closest and most rewarding friendships have been with SJs or NFs. In many cases with the SJs (the ISFJ above is an exception) I have felt that there is something lacking, in terms of really deep emotional bonding, shared interests, that sort of thing – but the compensation is that they have been lovely, loyal, supportive people. With the NFs, the bond can be incredibly close and enduring with an amazing level of understanding, but occasionally I think we can drag each other down with the emo reflection or even read too much into each other’s actions to sometimes hurtful effect. The latter has not happened often, but it has happened.
While I really am not sure of the type of probably the majority of people I’ve known, I think I’ve had less success in friendships with NTs and SPs. I used to get what I think of as “intellectual crushes” on NT guys, which always ended in tears (even though they didn’t turn into actual relationships!). I ended up getting the impression that they were using me as an intellectual plaything and weren’t really interested in me either as a friend or as possibly more. I think a few good (but not “best”) friends I’ve had have been NTs and it certainly is great when the conversation has that flow and sparkle. But I have just found too many NTs to be too arrogant and argumentative for a lasting and deep friendship. Although I am definitely an INFJ I seem to lean more toward ISFJ than any other type – not toward an NT type, like many NFs do, though I think when I was younger I leaned more toward NT. Maybe that has something to do with it. I do have a good friend in my life currently who is definitely some sort of NT. We have great conversations and many shared interests, but I can get frustrated when she just seems so reserved or especially when I feel like I'm doing all the reaching out to her and she isn't making much effort in the friendship. I know she appreciates our friendship, but sometimes I would like a bit more evidence of that...
SPs – generally it seems that they find me boring, and I find them boring and shallow. I don’t think I have had many close friendships with SPs. I can think of one notable exception in the last few years but it is complicated by my having (possibly/probably unrequited) feelings for him. We certainly have fun together and fantastic conversations, I care about him, and he seems to care about me. But his ESxP connection with such a large number of people makes me wonder where I fit in his life…
"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray
Well you american INFJs are somewhat strange but not that strange at all.
You keep talking about for example "my NT friends are...", while I myself couldnt even in the most distant way label my friends as anything.
I think you american INFJs are the most receptive to stereotyped thinking and I am conviced that you have to work on it. A great deal
Before even considering to have a german entp friend
Umm... random. What does stereotyping have to do with being American?
Good friends of mine in the past have been ESFJs, INFPs and ISFJs. I actually like my friends to be intuitives (there is just a connection) but to also be reliable (if I send you a text message please respond and make up your mind instead of changing your plans half a dozen times) so a J wouldn't be bad.
I have ended a friendship with an ESFJ friend of mine because she was too emotionally manipulative and I have let "friendships" with ESFPs die (without them probably really noticing) because I just found them too self-centered, flighty and not deep enough.
Those I am closest to are INFJ's and ENxP's. I also have two good ENTJ friends. I believe dominant N is the key to my closest friendships, and provides more of that 'soulmate' connection. After dominant N, secondary Ni can also lead to common ground and shared perspective. But dominant N's are certainly the most effortless friendships for me in terms of a sense of mutual understanding and similar thinking styles and general priorities/views/focuses in life.