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[INFP] INFX Need for alone time.

SpottingTrains

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I'm looking for some advice on dealing with the INFP/Js (I'm not sure which type she is for sure, I'm 80% leaning INFP right now) need to be alone and 'recharge'. Right now I have some warped image of her plugged into a wall and humming, Eventually popping out with 100% power ready to rock.

Is this something you have to do once a week or more often than that? I'm guessing it varies depending on the person and the experiences that week...

I guess I'm just looking for some insight onto the whole process and what I can do to lessen the need for this period of recharging or how to deal with appropriately.
 

BlackCat

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Is this something you have to do once a week or more often than that? I'm guessing it varies depending on the person and the experiences that week...

This is how it is goes for all introverts. We get drained and then we need alone time, and I'm sure it varies from introvert to introvert and also the experience with how much we need.

If I've blown myself out, it takes a day. A whole day. I just don't feel like doing anything, don't do anything, and just sit around or do things alone.

Introverts get energy from being alone. When we get too much energy, we get hyper and go a bit crazy and need to interact with the world in some way to let it out. Socializing is the best way of doing this for me. When we're spent on energy we withdraw and recharge and then go about the process again.

For example I just spent 3 days with relatives. I got alone time, but not enough to fully recharge myself. On the way home I was irritable and quiet because of this. Now I'm totally alone, and I have no plans for tomorrow whatsoever. :D
 

Ulaes

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im not inf but im similar... just think of i's as having battery powered extraversion. keep it on for a long time or drain it out by going to a large party, it's gonna die.
so yeah, its back to powersocket on the wall... at home... alone...
i think introverts see things via reflection, so too much on the spot information causes an overload.

one on one is good for introverts. but perhaps that means its bad for you. make it a small group and everything should be ok. i find i switch off when the group gets bigger than 4 people. although it can depend on who the people are, the more comfortable i am with them, the more i can handle it.

sorry this probabyl just didn't help, i just felt like posting something. :D
 

OrangeAppled

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^ Yes to the reflection and overload. That's very true.

Think about physically exerting yourself in some activity. You may have fun (or not), but you body is going to get tired and you'll need to rest afterwards. Introverts work like that mentally/emotionally; we can have a great time exerting ourselves in external interaction with people, but we feel tired mentally after a certain amount of it (depending on the individual). I think that's why I daydream sometimes...it's like the screensaver for my brain or something, haha.

Personally, I need several hours a day alone, or at least not interacting (I can be in the same room/car, but alone is best). I can go about 2 days around people almost constantly max, and then I really crack. I'm like a little kid who needs a nap (frustrated, cranky) or like a zombie (conserving energy). Usually, headphones or something saves me in that amount of time, or I'd crack sooner. I also find myself escaping in social situations for little moments of solitude. It's like coming up for air when underwater.

So my battery runs low fast basically, haha. However, a few hours recharges me up if I'm not too run down. Some introverts require longer amounts of solitude, but I don't like to go more than a few days without interaction or I get depressed. When we are "charged" up, we may want to seek people out. And yeah, one-on-one is waaaay less draining, especially if the other person doesn't insist on constant conversation.

And lastly, many INFXs are creative, and probably like time to pursue those interests alone. In fact, many of our interests may be solitary (ie. reading).
 

the state i am in

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it just takes us longer because we have to integrate our experience into our own inner directed private stream. we are more complex on the inside and it takes us awhile to get everything arranged, sorted out, weighed, etc.

like how i need sleep, and after a lot of thought, i sometimes like a quick power nap. i wake up feeling like i put all the clutter in my mind away, everything feels lighter, freer, the space for movement is so much greater, the possibility and potential for action and motion is returned to me, etc. i can let go of the past bc it is in the right place.
 

compulsiverambler

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I'm looking for some advice on dealing with the INFP/Js (I'm not sure which type she is for sure, I'm 80% leaning INFP right now) need to be alone and 'recharge'. Right now I have some warped image of her plugged into a wall and humming, Eventually popping out with 100% power ready to rock.

Is this something you have to do once a week or more often than that? I'm guessing it varies depending on the person and the experiences that week...

I guess I'm just looking for some insight onto the whole process and what I can do to lessen the need for this period of recharging or how to deal with appropriately.
It will depend on how introverted she is but many introverts want private time more than once a week. Once a week is what I would expect the average extrovert to need, but maybe they don't. I need a couple of hours each day to be free to do whatever I want without external interruptions, and I like to know when this is going to be and not have that changed too close to the time. Otherwise I'll feel vaguely anxious and dissatisfied and won't enjoy being with people. I'll resent that my focus is being directed away from where it feels naturally pulled. A couple of hours in the evening is usually easy to achieve though, unless you're very busy or live in a busy house.
 

ceecee

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Right now I have some warped image of her plugged into a wall and humming, Eventually popping out with 100% power ready to rock.

I don't think this is far from the truth. I think all introverts need it to varying degrees and it's a daily need. I definitely feel like a child who needs a nap on most days and that's what I usually do. Even 30 minutes helps. I need a block of time daily where I don't talk to anyone. Reading helps, I don't recharge well watching tv though. Music with headphones, even solitary time in the bathroom. You're not going to lessen the need for this, I must stress that so don't try because you will only end up frustrated and pissing off your introvert.
 

cascadeco

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it just takes us longer because we have to integrate our experience into our own inner directed private stream. we are more complex on the inside and it takes us awhile to get everything arranged, sorted out, weighed, etc.

Yeah, for me the alone time has as much to do with my need to reflect, assess, and weigh what's been going on in my life and any new information I've gotten, as it does the need to recharge myself.

Actually 'recharging' is kind of a misnomer. I mean, it's true that when I've been really socially active and giving a lot of myself, I lose energy and just need (and want) to get away, but a lot of it is simply that I cannot readily formulate my thoughts, or assess my feelings on a matter, in real-time. I need time to myself to sift through all of that, without outer influence or outer distractions. Time to 're-center' myself again.

I think the amount of time and the method of 'recharging' will vary from introvert to introvert. For myself, I know when I was in the working world with a job that required minimal interaction with people, I got all of my needed 'introvert time' that way, as I had hours of time to contemplate, sift, etc, while doing my job, so by the time I got home I was totally wanting to do things - either activities, or with people. When I have had a job that has been more people-focused and I was in a much more extroverted role, I then in turn needed an hour or two after work, either listening to music, or whatever, before I might be ready to get out or socialize, because I didn't have the time during the day to compose myself. It really depends; there is a situational context, as well as how close I am to a person. The closer I am to a person, the more I can be around them, but then also the closer I am to a person, the more comfortable we might become with silence and have a mutual understanding of together-time, alone time, and all of that...and it becomes a non-issue and it's all pretty balanced.

As to the OP, and 'lessening the period of recharging'/how to deal with it, I wouldn't focus on lessening the period, as I don't think that's possible. And as ceecee says, it will most likely piss the introvert off. (for myself, I might feel smothered or controlled if the extrovert did not understand my need for time to myself now and then, and was trying to 'lessen' that need or took it personally when it really has nothing to do with him)
 

runvardh

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I can recharge on presence but no talky. You know the phrase "seen but not heard"? If it's someone close enough to me and they do that every once in a while I can recharge while they're there. Cuddle time in that state helps the most and sometimes light sparing banter can happen, but you'd have to feel for when that's appropreate. I can only do that in the presense of one person besides me, though; past that and I'm better off hiding in a room instead, on my own.
 
B

brainheart

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You can't lessen the need for recharging. It's just something we need, like a certain number of hours of sleep a night. Although caffeine or alcohol can be a temporary fix...

My sister who I see once every two years came into town last night. I hung out with her two hours last night. Spent five hours with her today. It was all very lovely, but by the last hour, I was ready to be alone. Don't take it personally. It is as it is.
 
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scortia

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Even around the best of friends, if I get no time alone for a while I start to become bitter or depressed... it's so exhausting and frustrating not having to yourself when you're an introvert. Perfect opposite to extroverts being energized being around people.

For instance, my mom enjoys dancing on her weekends to destress from a long week, meanwhile, I read a good book and stay home as much as possible.
 

the state i am in

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Actually 'recharging' is kind of a misnomer. I mean, it's true that when I've been really socially active and giving a lot of myself, I lose energy and just need (and want) to get away, but a lot of it is simply that I cannot readily formulate my thoughts, or assess my feelings on a matter, in real-time. I need time to myself to sift through all of that, without outer influence or outer distractions. Time to 're-center' myself again.

the best sentence i've read on introversion.

we're just all out of sorts, feel out of balance, feeling confused and muddled bc we have information from diverse areas that hasn't been integrated into a coherent picture. the process of putting it away is soooo necessary so we can be cleaned up, free, and ready to move forward. otherwise we're trying to carry too many books in our hands and folders with papers falling out and losing track of our keys and which way to turn at the next traffic light in the process.

i just feel out-of-touch with my self bc i have been trying to tune into others and that takes serious work unless you just get each other immediately (which has only happened to me with other N doms).
 

cascadeco

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the best sentence i've read on introversion.

we're just all out of sorts, feel out of balance, feeling confused and muddled bc we have information from diverse areas that hasn't been integrated into a coherent picture. the process of putting it away is soooo necessary so we can be cleaned up, free, and ready to move forward. otherwise we're trying to carry too many books in our hands and folders with papers falling out and losing track of our keys and which way to turn at the next traffic light in the process.

i just feel out-of-touch with my self bc i have been trying to tune into others and that takes serious work unless you just get each other immediately (which has only happened to me with other N doms).

Thanks. :)


And yes to feeling out-of-touch with self. When I'm interacting with others, I am paying so much attention to them, or the situation at hand, that I suppose I temporarily have to turn off much of my own analysis and integration. Not that I'm not able to analyze/ponder to a certain extent while I'm interacting, but as you say, the process of forming a complete, coherent picture, must be done on my own, no outside influence.

And totally agree re. 'getting each other immediately' only happening with other N doms. It's the same for me. So those interactions are that much more refreshing and less energy-depleting, simply because the foundation I start at with them is that much more similar, and therefore less bridges to cross, less need for translation, more immediate understanding and recognition, etc.
 

Silent Stars

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Introverts get energy from being alone. When we get too much energy, we get hyper and go a bit crazy and need to interact with the world in some way to let it out.
I never get hyper or feel like I have too much energy, and I can spend any amount of time alone....then again, I guess you could say that I have a defective battery because I have severe clinical depression (which I've probably had my whole life); even staying plugged into the wall, as it were, is barely enough to get by, and quite often it isn't [during the times where I feel like I may as well be dead].
 

Tiltyred

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the best sentence i've read on introversion.

the process of putting it away is soooo necessary so we can be cleaned up, free, and ready to move forward. otherwise we're trying to carry too many books in our hands and folders with papers falling out and losing track of our keys and which way to turn at the next traffic light in the process.

Yes, exactly. I know I've overloaded when I start losing my keys. That is the first symptom of a process that can only end badly; I know then that I have to stop and get some mental rest. The next symptom is getting lost on my way to work, and I've worked in the same place for 10 years. After awhile, my mind just refuses to engage anymore, period.

What I really love is someone else who's quiet and can just cuddle, yeah, or even lie down and take a nap with me, or sit and read together, not talking. I like to be around other people, I just cannot be forced to pay attention to them talking all the time, and that's what interaction is to most people, I think. Talking.
 

pinballs

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I think ENFJ or anyone can help lessen the INFP time needed alone by not being draining to be around.. they can be so attentive and giving that spending time with them is just as *effective as having a nap.. you feel relaxed and calmer about your general worldview so that things naturally fall into place without needing the same amount of effort or mental processing required if doing it by yourself. and if you really get her, if you know what she is thinking and feeling then it really can be a massive relief to be around someone like that and you feel the lightness that you'd otherwise have to create yourself.

Just don't ask too many questions, that is the most draining thing I find with ENFJ is answering personal questions, I usually don't mind that much in terms of privacy if there is trust, but it still takes a lot of energy to phrase things properly/think through.

Being gentle and fun in a quiet way and undemanding of input, and maybe direct your intensity towards something else, talk about something you love or hate or tell an everyday story about your house or something rather than be too personally focussed.
 

Fidelia

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For me, recharging time means a little downtime. It can be talking with someone who doesn't talk at you and require a constant response for me, but usually after work I also like some time to read the paper, go on the internet, or read a book for an hour before I am back to normal. I find reading in the same room as someone or puttering around while they do something else where we aren't constanting interacting works fairly well. I like people, but certainly need some mental rest or I get a little scratchy or not at my best. I especially notice it on trips where I have to be "on" with strangers all of the time with no breaks. I think I probably need less downtime, but certainly after a large gathering or something I'm happy for a little alone time.
 

runvardh

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What I really love is someone else who's quiet and can just cuddle, yeah, or even lie down and take a nap with me, or sit and read together, not talking. I like to be around other people, I just cannot be forced to pay attention to them talking all the time, and that's what interaction is to most people, I think. Talking.

This is exactly what I was talking about. SO cuddle time is nice ^_^
 

rainoneventide

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For me, recharging time means a little downtime. It can be talking with someone who doesn't talk at you and require a constant response for me, but usually after work I also like some time to read the paper, go on the internet, or read a book for an hour before I am back to normal. I find reading in the same room as someone or puttering around while they do something else where we aren't constanting interacting works fairly well. I like people, but certainly need some mental rest or I get a little scratchy or not at my best. I especially notice it on trips where I have to be "on" with strangers all of the time with no breaks. I think I probably need less downtime, but certainly after a large gathering or something I'm happy for a little alone time.
Yep, I relate to this as well, but I need more recharge time because I'm less used to being sociable. If I were more used to interaction, I'd need less downtime.

So yeah, the length of recharge time and the method of recharging definitely depends on the individual. And that sentence makes INFs sound like machines, but moving on, lol.

A way for other types to aid an introvert's whole recharge process is to let us know that being a lump for a while is alright. It comforts me when I'm assured that the person near me respects my boundaries and doesn't have this need for me to engage in conversation.

I think INFs have this fear that our downtime may be misconstrued as unsociable, loner or unfriendly behavior, or any other negative labels. We really just need some juice.
 

speculative

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it just takes us longer because we have to integrate our experience into our own inner directed private stream. we are more complex on the inside and it takes us awhile to get everything arranged, sorted out, weighed, etc.

I think this is key. Even though people may see us just nodding and smiling, on the inside we are relating every word choice and phrase, facial expression, tone, intuitive "vibe" we are sensing, etc., every single second to some internal judgement system or reasoning system. This is very tiring, but extroverts usually don't "see" this. For example, during a meeting when someone brings up an idea with two sentences, I could write about 4-5 pages about that if I had been there for years and I knew the office politics and all the players involved. What I think about, as the statement is being voiced, are things like:

-motive behind the statement
-who is supporting the statement openly?
-who is hidden support for the statement?
-who is opposing the statement openly?
-who is hiddenly opposing the statement?
-do I support or oppose the statement?
-is this a single play, or part of a longer-term strategy and if so, what strategy is it linked to and who are the other players in the strategy and how are they interwoven into the strategies that I am involved with/that affect me personally, my team, or the future of the organization?
-does this person think that I support or oppose them at this point?
-should I address the statement: what level of importance does it have?
-if I should address the statement in some way, who should I speak to after the meeting about the statement to get more information?
-what has happened in the past to bring us to the point where the statement was made?
-what does upper management, or the boss, think about the statement?
-what resources are linked to the statement?
-what values does the statement provide, and do they match my values?
-should I say anything about what was said or not?
-what does the statement say about the speaker: was it well-phrased, does it denote intelligence, lack of information, leadership, etc.?

I typed all that out in about 1-2 minutes because it physically took my fingers that long to type, but these are the kinds of things that run through my head simultaneously in about a 2-3 second time-span when someone says something in that kind of setting. This is tiring, so after a day of being around people I need to limit my stimulus to a "narrow band." This doesn't necessarily mean shutting off all stimuli; in fact, I've found that playing computer games is a good way to unwind by hyper-focusing on one thing for a period of time. This may be counter-intuitive, because in general computer games would be considered "stimulating" rather than relaxing. I am learning that it is healthy to get some true "down-time" though either by reading in bed before I go to sleep, just sitting back for a period of time and reflecting, etc.
 
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