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  1. #1
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Default INFX Need for alone time.

    I'm looking for some advice on dealing with the INFP/Js (I'm not sure which type she is for sure, I'm 80% leaning INFP right now) need to be alone and 'recharge'. Right now I have some warped image of her plugged into a wall and humming, Eventually popping out with 100% power ready to rock.

    Is this something you have to do once a week or more often than that? I'm guessing it varies depending on the person and the experiences that week...

    I guess I'm just looking for some insight onto the whole process and what I can do to lessen the need for this period of recharging or how to deal with appropriately.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  2. #2
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    Is this something you have to do once a week or more often than that? I'm guessing it varies depending on the person and the experiences that week...
    This is how it is goes for all introverts. We get drained and then we need alone time, and I'm sure it varies from introvert to introvert and also the experience with how much we need.

    If I've blown myself out, it takes a day. A whole day. I just don't feel like doing anything, don't do anything, and just sit around or do things alone.

    Introverts get energy from being alone. When we get too much energy, we get hyper and go a bit crazy and need to interact with the world in some way to let it out. Socializing is the best way of doing this for me. When we're spent on energy we withdraw and recharge and then go about the process again.

    For example I just spent 3 days with relatives. I got alone time, but not enough to fully recharge myself. On the way home I was irritable and quiet because of this. Now I'm totally alone, and I have no plans for tomorrow whatsoever.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  3. #3
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    im not inf but im similar... just think of i's as having battery powered extraversion. keep it on for a long time or drain it out by going to a large party, it's gonna die.
    so yeah, its back to powersocket on the wall... at home... alone...
    i think introverts see things via reflection, so too much on the spot information causes an overload.

    one on one is good for introverts. but perhaps that means its bad for you. make it a small group and everything should be ok. i find i switch off when the group gets bigger than 4 people. although it can depend on who the people are, the more comfortable i am with them, the more i can handle it.

    sorry this probabyl just didn't help, i just felt like posting something.

  4. #4
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^ Yes to the reflection and overload. That's very true.

    Think about physically exerting yourself in some activity. You may have fun (or not), but you body is going to get tired and you'll need to rest afterwards. Introverts work like that mentally/emotionally; we can have a great time exerting ourselves in external interaction with people, but we feel tired mentally after a certain amount of it (depending on the individual). I think that's why I daydream sometimes...it's like the screensaver for my brain or something, haha.

    Personally, I need several hours a day alone, or at least not interacting (I can be in the same room/car, but alone is best). I can go about 2 days around people almost constantly max, and then I really crack. I'm like a little kid who needs a nap (frustrated, cranky) or like a zombie (conserving energy). Usually, headphones or something saves me in that amount of time, or I'd crack sooner. I also find myself escaping in social situations for little moments of solitude. It's like coming up for air when underwater.

    So my battery runs low fast basically, haha. However, a few hours recharges me up if I'm not too run down. Some introverts require longer amounts of solitude, but I don't like to go more than a few days without interaction or I get depressed. When we are "charged" up, we may want to seek people out. And yeah, one-on-one is waaaay less draining, especially if the other person doesn't insist on constant conversation.

    And lastly, many INFXs are creative, and probably like time to pursue those interests alone. In fact, many of our interests may be solitary (ie. reading).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  5. #5
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    it just takes us longer because we have to integrate our experience into our own inner directed private stream. we are more complex on the inside and it takes us awhile to get everything arranged, sorted out, weighed, etc.

    like how i need sleep, and after a lot of thought, i sometimes like a quick power nap. i wake up feeling like i put all the clutter in my mind away, everything feels lighter, freer, the space for movement is so much greater, the possibility and potential for action and motion is returned to me, etc. i can let go of the past bc it is in the right place.

  6. #6
    Senior Member compulsiverambler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    I'm looking for some advice on dealing with the INFP/Js (I'm not sure which type she is for sure, I'm 80% leaning INFP right now) need to be alone and 'recharge'. Right now I have some warped image of her plugged into a wall and humming, Eventually popping out with 100% power ready to rock.

    Is this something you have to do once a week or more often than that? I'm guessing it varies depending on the person and the experiences that week...

    I guess I'm just looking for some insight onto the whole process and what I can do to lessen the need for this period of recharging or how to deal with appropriately.
    It will depend on how introverted she is but many introverts want private time more than once a week. Once a week is what I would expect the average extrovert to need, but maybe they don't. I need a couple of hours each day to be free to do whatever I want without external interruptions, and I like to know when this is going to be and not have that changed too close to the time. Otherwise I'll feel vaguely anxious and dissatisfied and won't enjoy being with people. I'll resent that my focus is being directed away from where it feels naturally pulled. A couple of hours in the evening is usually easy to achieve though, unless you're very busy or live in a busy house.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    Right now I have some warped image of her plugged into a wall and humming, Eventually popping out with 100% power ready to rock.
    I don't think this is far from the truth. I think all introverts need it to varying degrees and it's a daily need. I definitely feel like a child who needs a nap on most days and that's what I usually do. Even 30 minutes helps. I need a block of time daily where I don't talk to anyone. Reading helps, I don't recharge well watching tv though. Music with headphones, even solitary time in the bathroom. You're not going to lessen the need for this, I must stress that so don't try because you will only end up frustrated and pissing off your introvert.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    it just takes us longer because we have to integrate our experience into our own inner directed private stream. we are more complex on the inside and it takes us awhile to get everything arranged, sorted out, weighed, etc.
    Yeah, for me the alone time has as much to do with my need to reflect, assess, and weigh what's been going on in my life and any new information I've gotten, as it does the need to recharge myself.

    Actually 'recharging' is kind of a misnomer. I mean, it's true that when I've been really socially active and giving a lot of myself, I lose energy and just need (and want) to get away, but a lot of it is simply that I cannot readily formulate my thoughts, or assess my feelings on a matter, in real-time. I need time to myself to sift through all of that, without outer influence or outer distractions. Time to 're-center' myself again.

    I think the amount of time and the method of 'recharging' will vary from introvert to introvert. For myself, I know when I was in the working world with a job that required minimal interaction with people, I got all of my needed 'introvert time' that way, as I had hours of time to contemplate, sift, etc, while doing my job, so by the time I got home I was totally wanting to do things - either activities, or with people. When I have had a job that has been more people-focused and I was in a much more extroverted role, I then in turn needed an hour or two after work, either listening to music, or whatever, before I might be ready to get out or socialize, because I didn't have the time during the day to compose myself. It really depends; there is a situational context, as well as how close I am to a person. The closer I am to a person, the more I can be around them, but then also the closer I am to a person, the more comfortable we might become with silence and have a mutual understanding of together-time, alone time, and all of that...and it becomes a non-issue and it's all pretty balanced.

    As to the OP, and 'lessening the period of recharging'/how to deal with it, I wouldn't focus on lessening the period, as I don't think that's possible. And as ceecee says, it will most likely piss the introvert off. (for myself, I might feel smothered or controlled if the extrovert did not understand my need for time to myself now and then, and was trying to 'lessen' that need or took it personally when it really has nothing to do with him)
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  9. #9
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I can recharge on presence but no talky. You know the phrase "seen but not heard"? If it's someone close enough to me and they do that every once in a while I can recharge while they're there. Cuddle time in that state helps the most and sometimes light sparing banter can happen, but you'd have to feel for when that's appropreate. I can only do that in the presense of one person besides me, though; past that and I'm better off hiding in a room instead, on my own.
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  10. #10
    brainheart
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    You can't lessen the need for recharging. It's just something we need, like a certain number of hours of sleep a night. Although caffeine or alcohol can be a temporary fix...

    My sister who I see once every two years came into town last night. I hung out with her two hours last night. Spent five hours with her today. It was all very lovely, but by the last hour, I was ready to be alone. Don't take it personally. It is as it is.
    Last edited by brainheart; 10-21-2009 at 11:32 AM.

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