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  1. #11
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    Even around the best of friends, if I get no time alone for a while I start to become bitter or depressed... it's so exhausting and frustrating not having to yourself when you're an introvert. Perfect opposite to extroverts being energized being around people.

    For instance, my mom enjoys dancing on her weekends to destress from a long week, meanwhile, I read a good book and stay home as much as possible.

  2. #12
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Actually 'recharging' is kind of a misnomer. I mean, it's true that when I've been really socially active and giving a lot of myself, I lose energy and just need (and want) to get away, but a lot of it is simply that I cannot readily formulate my thoughts, or assess my feelings on a matter, in real-time. I need time to myself to sift through all of that, without outer influence or outer distractions. Time to 're-center' myself again.
    the best sentence i've read on introversion.

    we're just all out of sorts, feel out of balance, feeling confused and muddled bc we have information from diverse areas that hasn't been integrated into a coherent picture. the process of putting it away is soooo necessary so we can be cleaned up, free, and ready to move forward. otherwise we're trying to carry too many books in our hands and folders with papers falling out and losing track of our keys and which way to turn at the next traffic light in the process.

    i just feel out-of-touch with my self bc i have been trying to tune into others and that takes serious work unless you just get each other immediately (which has only happened to me with other N doms).

  3. #13
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    the best sentence i've read on introversion.

    we're just all out of sorts, feel out of balance, feeling confused and muddled bc we have information from diverse areas that hasn't been integrated into a coherent picture. the process of putting it away is soooo necessary so we can be cleaned up, free, and ready to move forward. otherwise we're trying to carry too many books in our hands and folders with papers falling out and losing track of our keys and which way to turn at the next traffic light in the process.

    i just feel out-of-touch with my self bc i have been trying to tune into others and that takes serious work unless you just get each other immediately (which has only happened to me with other N doms).
    Thanks.


    And yes to feeling out-of-touch with self. When I'm interacting with others, I am paying so much attention to them, or the situation at hand, that I suppose I temporarily have to turn off much of my own analysis and integration. Not that I'm not able to analyze/ponder to a certain extent while I'm interacting, but as you say, the process of forming a complete, coherent picture, must be done on my own, no outside influence.

    And totally agree re. 'getting each other immediately' only happening with other N doms. It's the same for me. So those interactions are that much more refreshing and less energy-depleting, simply because the foundation I start at with them is that much more similar, and therefore less bridges to cross, less need for translation, more immediate understanding and recognition, etc.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Introverts get energy from being alone. When we get too much energy, we get hyper and go a bit crazy and need to interact with the world in some way to let it out.
    I never get hyper or feel like I have too much energy, and I can spend any amount of time alone....then again, I guess you could say that I have a defective battery because I have severe clinical depression (which I've probably had my whole life); even staying plugged into the wall, as it were, is barely enough to get by, and quite often it isn't [during the times where I feel like I may as well be dead].
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  5. #15
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    the best sentence i've read on introversion.

    the process of putting it away is soooo necessary so we can be cleaned up, free, and ready to move forward. otherwise we're trying to carry too many books in our hands and folders with papers falling out and losing track of our keys and which way to turn at the next traffic light in the process.
    Yes, exactly. I know I've overloaded when I start losing my keys. That is the first symptom of a process that can only end badly; I know then that I have to stop and get some mental rest. The next symptom is getting lost on my way to work, and I've worked in the same place for 10 years. After awhile, my mind just refuses to engage anymore, period.

    What I really love is someone else who's quiet and can just cuddle, yeah, or even lie down and take a nap with me, or sit and read together, not talking. I like to be around other people, I just cannot be forced to pay attention to them talking all the time, and that's what interaction is to most people, I think. Talking.

  6. #16
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    I think ENFJ or anyone can help lessen the INFP time needed alone by not being draining to be around.. they can be so attentive and giving that spending time with them is just as *effective as having a nap.. you feel relaxed and calmer about your general worldview so that things naturally fall into place without needing the same amount of effort or mental processing required if doing it by yourself. and if you really get her, if you know what she is thinking and feeling then it really can be a massive relief to be around someone like that and you feel the lightness that you'd otherwise have to create yourself.

    Just don't ask too many questions, that is the most draining thing I find with ENFJ is answering personal questions, I usually don't mind that much in terms of privacy if there is trust, but it still takes a lot of energy to phrase things properly/think through.

    Being gentle and fun in a quiet way and undemanding of input, and maybe direct your intensity towards something else, talk about something you love or hate or tell an everyday story about your house or something rather than be too personally focussed.

  7. #17
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    For me, recharging time means a little downtime. It can be talking with someone who doesn't talk at you and require a constant response for me, but usually after work I also like some time to read the paper, go on the internet, or read a book for an hour before I am back to normal. I find reading in the same room as someone or puttering around while they do something else where we aren't constanting interacting works fairly well. I like people, but certainly need some mental rest or I get a little scratchy or not at my best. I especially notice it on trips where I have to be "on" with strangers all of the time with no breaks. I think I probably need less downtime, but certainly after a large gathering or something I'm happy for a little alone time.

  8. #18
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    What I really love is someone else who's quiet and can just cuddle, yeah, or even lie down and take a nap with me, or sit and read together, not talking. I like to be around other people, I just cannot be forced to pay attention to them talking all the time, and that's what interaction is to most people, I think. Talking.
    This is exactly what I was talking about. SO cuddle time is nice ^_^
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  9. #19
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    For me, recharging time means a little downtime. It can be talking with someone who doesn't talk at you and require a constant response for me, but usually after work I also like some time to read the paper, go on the internet, or read a book for an hour before I am back to normal. I find reading in the same room as someone or puttering around while they do something else where we aren't constanting interacting works fairly well. I like people, but certainly need some mental rest or I get a little scratchy or not at my best. I especially notice it on trips where I have to be "on" with strangers all of the time with no breaks. I think I probably need less downtime, but certainly after a large gathering or something I'm happy for a little alone time.
    Yep, I relate to this as well, but I need more recharge time because I'm less used to being sociable. If I were more used to interaction, I'd need less downtime.

    So yeah, the length of recharge time and the method of recharging definitely depends on the individual. And that sentence makes INFs sound like machines, but moving on, lol.

    A way for other types to aid an introvert's whole recharge process is to let us know that being a lump for a while is alright. It comforts me when I'm assured that the person near me respects my boundaries and doesn't have this need for me to engage in conversation.

    I think INFs have this fear that our downtime may be misconstrued as unsociable, loner or unfriendly behavior, or any other negative labels. We really just need some juice.
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  10. #20
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    it just takes us longer because we have to integrate our experience into our own inner directed private stream. we are more complex on the inside and it takes us awhile to get everything arranged, sorted out, weighed, etc.
    I think this is key. Even though people may see us just nodding and smiling, on the inside we are relating every word choice and phrase, facial expression, tone, intuitive "vibe" we are sensing, etc., every single second to some internal judgement system or reasoning system. This is very tiring, but extroverts usually don't "see" this. For example, during a meeting when someone brings up an idea with two sentences, I could write about 4-5 pages about that if I had been there for years and I knew the office politics and all the players involved. What I think about, as the statement is being voiced, are things like:

    -motive behind the statement
    -who is supporting the statement openly?
    -who is hidden support for the statement?
    -who is opposing the statement openly?
    -who is hiddenly opposing the statement?
    -do I support or oppose the statement?
    -is this a single play, or part of a longer-term strategy and if so, what strategy is it linked to and who are the other players in the strategy and how are they interwoven into the strategies that I am involved with/that affect me personally, my team, or the future of the organization?
    -does this person think that I support or oppose them at this point?
    -should I address the statement: what level of importance does it have?
    -if I should address the statement in some way, who should I speak to after the meeting about the statement to get more information?
    -what has happened in the past to bring us to the point where the statement was made?
    -what does upper management, or the boss, think about the statement?
    -what resources are linked to the statement?
    -what values does the statement provide, and do they match my values?
    -should I say anything about what was said or not?
    -what does the statement say about the speaker: was it well-phrased, does it denote intelligence, lack of information, leadership, etc.?

    I typed all that out in about 1-2 minutes because it physically took my fingers that long to type, but these are the kinds of things that run through my head simultaneously in about a 2-3 second time-span when someone says something in that kind of setting. This is tiring, so after a day of being around people I need to limit my stimulus to a "narrow band." This doesn't necessarily mean shutting off all stimuli; in fact, I've found that playing computer games is a good way to unwind by hyper-focusing on one thing for a period of time. This may be counter-intuitive, because in general computer games would be considered "stimulating" rather than relaxing. I am learning that it is healthy to get some true "down-time" though either by reading in bed before I go to sleep, just sitting back for a period of time and reflecting, etc.
    Last edited by speculative; 10-21-2009 at 10:47 PM.
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