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Thread: Is this normal?

  1. #11


    also-I forgot-try and find somewhere to volunteer outside of school. ENFPs are biologically designed to give and care for others. Try and find a place to do this and it will allow your Fi to be used productively

  2. #12
    The Duchess of Oddity Array Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    I know that experience! I guess most of the time they're just uncomfortable with your Ne or something. At least, that's what the problem was with me. So after a while I decided to leave them. At first it didn't feel good and I felt like I HAD to join another group, but after I saw that there was no point in always needing to belong to a specific group of people, I became a proud loner. I feel like people respect me more after that decision.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Array scortia's Avatar
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    May 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    High school is a shitty time in life. I had 'friends' that I in no way related to (some even used to tease me) but, as you probably well know, its not easy to move on to other groups.
    I can completely relate to this. But there's a difference between teasing and just being jerks. My friends used to joke that I was an invisible watch and pretended I wasn't there and would steal my water bottle on a regular basis. I was cool with it because I knew it was because I encouraged their behavior. I knew I could take the teasing without letting it get underneath my skin, unlike most of my friends. So I sort of took their teasing for them, which was cool. And now, we're all grown up and they don't do that sort of thing anymore because it's a teen phase afterall.

    I'd say if they feel like real friends, don't let it bother you. But if they seem too cruel to be true friends, then to hell with them.

  4. #14
    mod love baby... Array Lady_X's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    9w1 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    Yes I think this is normal for an enfp.

    Notice the common thread in the ENFP answers-

    1. I was alone in high school or felt very lonely (a lack of Fi connectivities and lack of learned Fe interaction skills)
    2. Fuck them if they dont want to be your friend (a Te defense mechanism)
    3. Be independent or choose to be alone, rather than deal with what amounts to rejection. (an INFJ shadow to build the ultimate Fe doorslam)

    We end up choosing to be alone rather than being hurt by having our core-our Fi-rejected.

    In first grade it was noted that I was very talkative and friendly and did not understand the concept of other's space. By third grade I was no longer speaking to other kids. I could not understand how to relate to them and it hurt so much to be rejected that I chose to be alone instead. I had no friends-except for the other occasional social reject until my 10th grade when the intps found me. I read books and eventually worked at a stable rather than have friends.

    As an ENFP we have this inner brilliant core of affection, emotion, caring, warmth, even devotion that seems to be the way Fi processes emotion. It is above all authentic and overwhelming at times. As Ne dominants we dump that outwards into our world. However most people dont want it honestly. It is like being emo solar flared. Even our enthusiasm, our gestures, our facial expressions all can overwhelm others. We violate not just their personal space but their emotional space.

    Fe seems to set up very distinct emotional boundaries based upon social acceptance of the other party. We annialiate those boundaries because we never see them. Then we are pushed outside of the boundaries and excluded-thus rejected due to what defines us.

    1. Find the other dorky people-the social misfits at your school. Likely they are INTPs, other ENFPs, and so on. You will naturally fit it better there

    2. Recognize that you are unique, you are beautiful, but that you will not always be accepted. It wont take long to identify those who you overstep with-mostly ESTPs and ESFPs at your age. They are very sensitive to social expectations, thus will reject you more quickly if you are odd. Avoid trying to be friends with them-later in life this will change but for now, dont bother.

    3. On the inside-always be true to yourself-however externally learn moderation in speech, gestures, expressions. This is hard as ENFPs will choose extremes-either complete connection with Fi or utter isolation with Fe walls. Try to find a middle ground-learned Fe basically. Menatlly picture smoothing your outward appearence to about a four foot radius around you. Like a shower curtain barrier. Inside of you, be real. In that four feet, be calm and collected, composed, but refined and precise. even robotic. Only people you really, really trust get to come inside the four feet radius. Others have to stay out until they earn your trust.

    This sounds totally crazy but it will allow you to fit a little better.

    College will be much better as there you will have more freedom to find your own social group and find others who think more like you.
    whoa...that was weird to read. i don't even know what this thread is about...i'll have to back up but yeah i know all about that...but is it healthy? i guess it is...just as long as you have some people you allow in there....hmm.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    Senior Member Array Cranky's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    Oh, honey. I was that kid too.

    I was (sort of) saved by the fact that I found misfits too. I absolutely promise you that there is some group on your campus that is full of misfits. Frequently, it's the drama club, speech club, math club, music club...whatever. There WILL be people who have banded together...just so they have someone to be weird with.

    Honestly, I'm still not thrilled about some of the stuff that happened in high school, and I've had a decade and then some to get over it. But, I figure you'd rather hear honesty than pointless cheerleading.

    If you have any talent, costuming, cooking, training crickets, whatever...go find the people who do that thing, or start your own. That's what Meetup and Craigslist is for. (But stay away from the naughty bits on Craigslist!!)

    If you like to game, or collect comics, or you're an otaku, there are LOTS of weirdos, just like you. I'm one ;-)

    Those were the experiences that I remember now as being fun, and the people that I still talk to.
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

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