As an INFJ, do you feel that the people around you need your approval/acceptance?
Recently Iíve been focusing in a lot more on the relationships I have with those closest to me. And Iíve realized that people seem to go out of their way to make sure I approve of their decisions; anywhere from their clothing choices for the day, to advice with their other relationships.
INFJs are often seen as distant or standoff-ish and Iíve even been called Ďstuck-upí by some people, simply because I donít engage myself with other people. INFJs know that conceit is rarely something we feel, but I can see how my isolating comes off as if I felt others were inadequate.
It feels to me that the majority of people see us as Ďsuperiorí or hard to please. This is probably offensive to most INFJs, who really are humbled and desiring only to please others.
Iíve noticed especially among my family, that my opinion counts for more than it should, or even more than Iíd like it to. They go out of their way to have that emotional attachment with me; that closeness and comfort of my approval. Theyíll make an obvious effort to come and talk to me about their problems, seeking my advice. Even in a group discussion, another might have a differing opinion of a solution, but my advice seems to hold more regard.
Whenever someone hurts me, emotionally, by disregarding, ignoring, ridiculing, patronizing, etc. what I have to say or my behavior, I withdraw from them. I push them a way, at least for the moment. But I feel like when I do, they do whatever they can to regain my acknowledgment of them- almost in a needy, overly attached way. They cling on to me and become even clingier when I donít want to be around them. Itís almost as if I am the one who decides whether they are a good person or not; whether or not they can like themselves.
My question is, does anyone else feel this way about your close friends or family?
Do people demand your approval?
Does their opinion of themselves reflect strongly by what you think of them?
Do you feel that people are overly attached to you- almost suffocatingly so?
If yes, how does it make you feel?
And how do you handle situations where you canít be honest with someone for fear youíll hurt them because they regard your opinion so high?
Sorry if Iím asking too many questions! But I can feel relationships I hold highly crumbling around me because of this Ďneedí. So I'm looking for any input on this topic.