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  1. #11
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    Do you think it's people seeking an INFJ's approval specifically or is it that many people just like having others' approval in general and INFJ's don't understand or appreciate this because they're so darned independent?
    This is similar to what initially crossed my mind when reading the title. I think if you add to the mix a tendency towards empathy and being aware of another person desiring approval could also make it seem directed at the INFJ. Some people seek approval from those who aren't particularly aware it is desired.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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  2. #12
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I've never noticed this kind of a thing, I think mainly because I try to avoid having such a role in anyone's life and let everyone to do their own thing, whatever it is and also because no one really needs it, it's always already there.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    I've never noticed this kind of a thing, I think mainly because I try to avoid having such a role in anyone's life and let everyone to do their own thing, whatever it is and also because no one really needs it, it's always already there.
    +1 This is really weird, I was just thinking exactly the same thing about this topic

  4. #14
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    I've never noticed this kind of a thing, I think mainly because I try to avoid having such a role in anyone's life and let everyone to do their own thing, whatever it is and also because no one really needs it, it's always already there.
    Usually -I'M- the one seeking the approval, not directly, but feeling better if I'm on a level or higher playing field than others. Maybe that's the key? If a person doesn't seek approval of others, the other people seek THEIR approval since they seem to be better off than most people just because they have their own self-approval.

    I was just told by my host mother that I seem kind of far off and 'too distant' I can understand it since I tend to ignore people when I'm in the middle of some thought or work. In one-on-one conversations, though, I pay a lot more attention to the person. I'll talk to her on this more tonight. I think she might be an FJ of some kind.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carnallace View Post
    My question is, does anyone else feel this way about your close friends or family?
    No.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnallace View Post
    Do people demand your approval?
    No.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnallace View Post
    Does their opinion of themselves reflect strongly by what you think of them?
    No, and probably because I try to give people the impression that I will not judge them or have any particular opinion of them. For the most part, that is true. I don't usually change what I think of someone, once I know them well, based on one odd piece of data they've told me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnallace View Post
    Do you feel that people are overly attached to you- almost suffocatingly so?
    Not usually. There have been a couple of people in my life who I wish would stop being so excited to see me because I don't feel the same way when I see them. But it's definitely not a pattern.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

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  6. #16
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    I think we may collect people in our lives who are prone to react that way. I don't think we necessarily always cause the reaction, but that it's often a by-product of the types of relationships we often form. People can get the (wrong) idea that we're always intuitively right about things, and that disagreeing with us means they're in the wrong. Not always true.

    Another contributing factor in my life is that I tend to be somewhat of an encourager/healer, and sometimes people are initially attracted to a friendship with me because I make them feel good...hence, more neediness.

    That's one reason I INTJs, actually. They tend to do that less, and it's a change of pace, and good for staying humble.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  7. #17
    Junior Member jawz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    I think we may collect people in our lives who are prone to react that way. I don't think we necessarily always cause the reaction, but that it's often a by-product of the types of relationships we often form. People can get the (wrong) idea that we're always intuitively right about things, and that disagreeing with us means they're in the wrong. Not always true.

    Another contributing factor in my life is that I tend to be somewhat of an encourager/healer, and sometimes people are initially attracted to a friendship with me because I make them feel good...hence, more neediness.

    That's one reason I INTJs, actually. They tend to do that less, and it's a change of pace, and good for staying humble.
    This 100%. I mean, I know I'm right a majority of the time (:rolli, but INTJs always catch me when I'm not and give me a hard time about it. It's fun and does keep me humble.

    I think the only time I have dealt with someone needing my approval is when I was too much of an encourager/healer type to someone. I don't like being anyone's mommy.

  8. #18
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Carnallace;877107
    My question is, does anyone else feel this way about your close friends or family? [/quote]
    Not at all within my family. Ever. I am extremely close with all of my family members.. yeah, I luvs me some alone time, but my parents/sisters never take it personally. They just know, "Oh, he's doing that thing again...". Heh I don't get to see family all that much anymore, so this hasn't been an issue since highschool.

    Within my circle of friends...
    No one has ever said anything to me about this. But I've never asked them either. Recently a few of my closest friends have noticed that I'm more quiet than usual and have asked me what's wrong. These two are very perceptive (especially the ENTP).

    Do people demand your approval?
    I have never had anyone demand my approval. At least it hasn't come across that way to me.

    Does their opinion of themselves reflect strongly by what you think of them?
    I don't think so.

    Do you feel that people are overly attached to you- almost suffocatingly so?
    There are a few people that want/need attentinon, and yeah, it grates on my nerves but I've talked with other types about this and, apparently, INFJs aren't the only ones who suffer from short fuses with those people.

    If yes, how does it make you feel?
    I get very civil, polite, and to the point. I want to minimize interaction with that person as much as possible.

    And how do you handle situations where you canít be honest with someone for fear youíll hurt them because they regard your opinion so high?
    If it's family/friends, I'll talk to a third party, who knows us both and ask them for advice. Pretty quickly I begin to see my selfishness and self-centeredness and once I see that it's a personal problem on my end, it helps me get over my need for space.

    To me, 'I need space' is a crappy reason for shutting someone out/shunning someone. Granted, I don't condone co-dependency, but when it's my issue and not the other person's issue I try to be more understanding and put myself in their shoes.

  9. #19
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    Do you think it's people seeking an INFJ's approval specifically or is it that many people just like having others' approval in general and INFJ's don't understand or appreciate this because they're so darned independent?

    Gosh. This thread made me realize how hard life is going to be for any INFJ.

    I think people naturally try to seek approval from us because no matter how generous we try to spread our attention and care toward others, they "do" realize that we don't just do it randomly because we are extremely picky.

    That automatically gives people an illusion that since we're so finicky about throwing our compliments (I am generally nice, but I don't throw compliments easily), they automatically seek feedbacks from us--as a sign of approval.

    And perhaps they can sense that we're so rare that it automatically seems a whole lot more challenging to them.

    But gosh, I really hate it as it puts me in an awkward position because I don't want to send out an "ingenuine" approval of others if I don't mean it.

  10. #20
    Junior Member Alchemilla's Avatar
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    I'd be amazed if this were true for me - that other people feel they wanted my approval - because I feel the complete opposite. I want approval from them!

    (Something I want to break out of for my own sanity and independence.)

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