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  1. #61
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by scantilyclad View Post
    aw that made me sad and made me feel sad for you in that situation. I would have felt very defeated after something like that. I used to work at a company that was mostly ESTJ types or ISTJ types and i always felt so awkward and like they were always trying to change me, especially the ESTJ type.
    I have worked for 5 different bosses in 7 years. My first boss recognized that I needed to come out of my shell, so he made me in charge of our yearly United Way and Arts & Education rallies. *gulp* I hate, and I mean HATE getting in front of people to talk about anything. I am a good contributor, and I am not scared to talk when I am sitting down amongst my colleagues (training, meetings, etc), but put me as the FOCUS, and I feel faint. :horor: Well, I got through the first year, and I didn't die. But it was SO HARD.

    7 years later, I can do it. It is still hard, but I can handle it. So basically, my first ESTJ boss did me a favor by helping me overcome my fears of being the "focus". I still want AT LEAST a days notice if I have to get in front of people for any reason.

    The good news, too, was that people that I had known for 19 years stated that they had NO IDEA that I had a problem with being a focus-type of person. Some have stated that I always look cool as a cucumber and pleasant. Can you believe that? I guess I had practiced enough that I have become a good enough actress when I need to be. Thank GOD for that!

    I would always sit alone at lunch, because i was happy that way, but they thought it was just completely unusual for someone to WANT to sit alone at lunch, so a bunch of them started sitting with me and trying to get me to carry on conversation with them which i would indeed try to do, although i have no idea what to say to people that i don't know and don't know how to relate to. I always felt like they were discouraging me when i did speak and most of the things we discussed usually turned into some sort of an argument, because one of them would say something that offended me or went against something i valued. I couldn't stand most of them, but for some reason they seemed to like me, and sat with me for almost a whole year at lunch.
    I still prefer to eat lunch by myself in the car or at my computer in my office (I can catch up on my email or look at some sites). I, for some reason, HATE to go to restaurants alone and eat. I guess I feel sorry for folks who eat alone in restaurants. They look so, so lonely. :sad:

    Every once in a while, I will go to the lunchroom with a friend to catch up. That's always cool.

    A lot of them tried to date me even, which baffled me, because i wasn't interested in dating someone that i didn't relate to and would constantly have to argue to get them to understand my opinions.
    Over all these many years, I could tell that some of the guys that I worked with liked me, but all were married. Pretty much all the men that I know KNOW how I feel about women dating married men... it is totally wrong in my book; married men are absolutely and totally OFF LIMITS!!! :1377: So, between eating lunch by myself and my strong belief system, thankfully, I don't have that problem.

    I guess i got a little off topic there, but anyway it's still sad to hear that people would less want to be INFPs. We are good, generally selfless people who care about people and values on a totally different level than others, i think that should be respected and i'm glad a few people here enjoy our company.
    I'm with you, sistah!
    -Sandy
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  2. #62
    Wannabe genius Splittet's Avatar
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    What I respect most about INFPs are their artistic abilities. Especially INFPs make the best musicians in my opinion.

  3. #63
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mempy View Post
    Awww. I was that way for most of high school too. Recently I've been experiencing painful feelings of deficiency and hopelessness, so reading this just makes me go, "Awww! That's awful!" I understand. LOL, I may have wanted to crawl out of the room too.
    When I was in grade school (and high school), my family was the only "Asian" family in my school for a long time. Also, we were terribly poor, and my Dad left my Mom (and she was crazy... well, I mean she was schizophrenic, so basically, she was scary). Back then, it was pretty rare when parents split up. The last thing I wanted to be was... different. I wanted to fit in something awful, but you know about those miserable cliques; it just never happened. I did have 2 best friends, and they made my social life bearable. Even though I didn't fit anywhere, I was nice to everyone (the stoners, the geeks, the cheerleaders, the oddballs... I was an equal opportunity friend to anyone that wanted to talk or study with) Oh yes, I also did have a long-term boyfriend who I eventually married and divorced.

    Thank you, Substitute! Wow! This is a remarkably positive thread! Awww, I love it, I love it. Judging by your posts in other threads and by your signature, I'd LOVE you, Sub. (I'm thinking specifically of your insightful posts in a thread about the nature of Ne.)
    Yes, thank you, Substitute! This thread did make me happy!

    I like how ENXPs gush. They're so exciteable and cute. And I think they just seem so sincere. I have an ENFP friend online whose compliments are always the most flattering and endearing of all.
    I think my boyfriend's 2nd daughter is an ENFP, and everyone loves that girl (including me!) This beautiful college girl sings beautifully, she plays guitar beautifully, and she is an absolutely amazing artist!

    Anyway, this thread rocks. Thanks to Sub for starting it!

    Here's to all you other MBTI types, as good as you are
    Here's to INFPs, as bad as we are
    As good as you are and as bad as we are
    You'll never be as good as we are!

    I just like that saying.


    Quote Originally Posted by Splittet View Post
    What I respect most about INFPs are their artistic abilities. Especially INFPs make the best musicians in my opinion.
    I truly don't know any other INFPs, so it's hard to say.

    I know that I love music (any type!), and I can sort of carry a tune! I enjoy singing with our local sacred harp (shape-note) a capella singing. I also love, love, love singing a capella hymnals at my church. (we don't have any musical instruments) It's like that type of singing was made just to feed my soul.

    People have asked if I had to live without my eyes or my ears, which would I choose... I would do fine without my eyes hands down. Yep.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I relate to that. Years ago, when I was a teenager (also geeky and unpopular), someone in my class used to pick on me and bully me by relentlessly teasing me about my height. It was only in my early twenties that it began to dawn on me that, in reality, being tall is usually considered a good thing!! Until then I used to stoop to try and blend in, but since then I've stood upright.
    I had the opposite problem... I 5' 2"! So I was called your various names like "shorty" "short-stuff"... and then that ignorant song came out in high school called "short people". I really wanted to go hurt Randy Newman. What does he mean by short people got no reason to live? *sheesh*

    It's quite awful really, how some people will totally gaslight you into thinking all that's good about you is actually what makes people hate you. I've no doubt that people who put a high premium on being normal would want to be (or already are) ESxJ, likewise those who put a high value on being materially successful by the world's standards.
    I think it's a conspiracy. *ahem* No really, I feel sorry for people who don't think other types can't be good contributors and be successful. I'm living proof that it can happen! (by the way, I have never heard of that terminology "gaslighting" -- I can't imagine people doing that; it's just awful).

    But here in the world of wondrous misfits, qualities like sincerity, modesty, integrity and kindness are valued a lot more, and who better than INFP for those?
    Awww!

    Then again, even in the cruel world out there - the world of 'normal' people - when people are done being successful and normal and all the rest of it; when they come home after a horrible day in the office; when they're feeling down and demotivated, it's not someone to kick some sense into them that they want - it's the gentle touch of the INFP, without whom their lives would, I expect, be pretty meaningless.


    NP And.... I always worry that I'm too loud and obnoxious... and yet can't help being it, haha! Especially around you INFP's, I always worry about you thinking I'm horribly egotistical! Also, 'insightful' isn't something I get called often, seeing as how I don't usually share my insights with others, being used to having them brushed aside as crazy or just ignored, due to incomprehension lol
    Most of the time I'm just bantering. So thank you!
    I don't personally know any ENTPs, but I know that my INTP boyfriend is insightful! It's hard to be misunderstood... thankfully there is a place called MBTI Central.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    INFPs are cool. It's just a damn shame when their shadow turns up and ruins all that good work.

    I think that INFPs need balance more than most types or their shadow will rule their lives in very not nice ways. Also motivation appears to be as much a bane to the INFP as it is to the INTP. For that alone I tend to get on well with them. I just don't feel comfy when the Sgt Maj gets wheeled out!
    I'm not sure what the "shadow" is... is that sadness or depression?

    Quote Originally Posted by GZA View Post
    I find it interesting that you two, and many other INFP's, had a very difficult time fitting in or making friends in high school. I mean, I'm in high school now and I definitely fit the "lost, unsure, weird" and more than enough of the quiet and sitting in the back part (although I'm not entirely asocial, even though I would say I'm extremely introverted (I generally score between 85-95% I on the Jung test), but I'm not really unpopular and I don't feel like I'm excluded by my peers. I talk, but I feel drained if I do to much, and I like small groups and I neevr feel lonely by myself). Despite those qualities, people still seem to really like me, and I don't have a lot of trouble making friends (despite this, I still have very few close friends, if any that are truely close at all).
    I think it's the combination of me being different heritage (Asian) and my Dad and Mom being divorced, and my Mom being a schizophrenic, and being a poor family, and being in a very cliquey school. (My experience in this type of dysfunctional family and extreme social school experience seemed like I was in a very nightmarish sitcome!) Anyway, all my other family members had similar experiences that I had, and they are not INFPs. :ouch:

    For example, today a friend of mine burst out laughing mid-way through one of my rants on how I laugh really hard sometimes at things that arn't actually very funny, and he said that he loves me and that if I was gone from his life, he would feel as if someone had taken away his soul, ahahaha. It seems people enjoy my strangeness, and arn't aware of the lost/unsure part inside me (and I don't try to give the impression I'm "found" and "sure" ), and people enjoy my sense of humour sometimes too.
    Me, too! My boyfriend enjoys my crazy sense of humor! I love his, too, though. We both enjoy "Napoleon and Dynamite", crazy puns, the Three Stooges, and a wide assortment of nutty things! It's so great! So many things just crack me up! Anyway, not many people understand my humor, but he loves my weirdness, and that, in itself, is just wonderful!

    I feel a lot more lost and unsure and all that good stuff from other things, like routine work and school... all the structure. I'm not saying I'm the most popular guy in the world (cause I'm not), and I'm not saying everyone loves me (because some people just assume I'm insane/on drugs, which I'm not), but I've been able to make friends fairly well. I still feel very different from other people, and I sometimes wonder why the hell anyone would talk to me. I guess I feel like an outcast in my mind, but I know I'm not one on the outside. I find it interesting that other people of my type have not had similar experiences.

    Anyone know how the "making friends" part works for different types.
    It's reassuring to me to know that other INFPs are able to make friends easily... I know I had some issues, but I think it's more about the other factors that I had described above. I think that without those factors, I may have felt like an outcast in my own mind, too, but it would have been much easier to cope.

    Oh, and let me add that I'm truely heartbroken to hear about your experiences. I sometimes see kids in the stairwell sitting by themselves where no one can see them and it really eats me up. I want to talk to them and get to know them, but I don't know what I'd say...
    I'm with you! I tried to be friendly to everyone, but I realized early on that people didn't respond to me like I hoped. I was very lonely for friendship, so I am very thankful that GOD gave me a few close friends that I could lean on.
    Last edited by proteanmix; 10-30-2007 at 07:00 AM. Reason: merged posts
    -Sandy
    I - 75% N - 55% F - 55% P - 61%
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    There is love... in the red letters
    There is truth... in the red letters

  4. #64
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Heh, we need to teach you how to multi-quote, Sandy.

  5. #65
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
    I'm not sure what the "shadow" is... is that sadness or depression?
    Shhh!!! It's the big bad meanie which lurks inside.

    You know the thing which once you've made your mind up makes you a stubborn mule to shift!

    I have an INFP friend who spent too long in the army (over 5 seconds I believe) and he's more ESTJish than most INFPs. To try and convince him of another way once he's found an idea he likes is like drawing blood from a stone. Oh and he's not exactly warm and welcoming to any critique of his ideas. It's very much like talking to an ESTJ who's just been caught out and is fencing rapidly to allow for retreat.

    That's your shadow. The subconscious part of you. Your opposite.

    Ever notice how INTPs can become VERY riled. You know when they go off on a rant and are totally not objective nor detached and most certainly not logical? Well that'd be their ESFJ shadow playing out.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  6. #66
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Heh, we need to teach you how to multi-quote, Sandy.
    Whaddya mean? She's not even at 100 posts yet and already she's learning how to get the count up
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  7. #67
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post

    I still prefer to eat lunch by myself in the car or at my computer in my office (I can catch up on my email or look at some sites). I, for some reason, HATE to go to restaurants alone and eat. I guess I feel sorry for folks who eat alone in restaurants. They look so, so lonely. :sad:

    i love going to restaurants and eating by myself! All my friends do think it is kind of odd and ask me if i want them to go with me, but i'd really rather be alone. I'm so content when i'm alone.
    INFP 4w5
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  8. #68
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotmale View Post
    That must be your Fe coming out in hordes. I'll be no less offended when you make snap judgments about SJs either without knowing any of us.
    Actually INFPs are Fi dominant. The ISFP type gets overlooked very often, but it shares Fi dominant with INFPs and has a tertiary Ni, so they can be quite iNtuitive as well. Those are two easily confused types. I still struggle to know which one best fits my mother. Although I think she is a strongly iNtuitive ISFP. An INFJ at their silliest can also look like an ISFP because of the shared Ni.

    Sometimes it's difficult to know to what extent behavior determines type. The eight functions are cognitive processes, not strictly behavioral. Of course there could be some overlap, but it can get really confused at times. I also think that these online tests are not very good at determining type. The Sensor questions seem especially flawed, but maybe I am also influenced by the many misperceptions there are about sensors through the forums and some of Kiersey's ideas.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    whenever I read a thread like this or about INFPs or anything, I question my type. Even though when reading the description it fits and if I read other descriptions I see bits of myself in them, but not as much as an INFP. Maybe I just really want to be on INFP but I'm not.
    Why do you really want to be an INFP? It might shed light on who you are. It is an interesting question: Do the qualities we admire most define us? Because that is how the MBTI test tends to work. People do tend to see themselves through that filter. I wished there was a cognitive skills based MBTI test, so that what a person thinks about him/herself was irrelevant to determining the way they process information.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  9. #69
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Splittet View Post
    What I respect most about INFPs are their artistic abilities. Especially INFPs make the best musicians in my opinion.
    Thats really interesting. As an INFP and musician, I'm very interested to hear why you think we make the best musicians.

    I think music does come naturally to me, I'm always thinking about it, and I tend to understand it and play it quite well.

  10. #70
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I don't know. I've read the description and defiently fit me when I was younger, but I think I'm having a pre quarter life crisis and questioning who I am, and have I been living a lie? I'm also not as sympathetic/empathetic as I use to be. When I was little I cared so much more for everyone and everything. Now I don't.

    INFP children often create their own fantasy world and live very much within it. They may daydream about what is important to them, and sometimes others wonder if they are in touch with reality. They often get lost in their thoughts and books, and may develop a special ability in communicating, such as writing. They are somewhat reserved, especially in new situations.
    yup that was me. Except writing, I use to think I was because I was told I was by adults. But I think they had some ulterior motive. Except maybe my dad because I showed him a story I was working on in 5th grade and I over heard him telling someone how well I could write dialogue.

    INFPs decide early on what is important for them, what is of value. They tend to rely on themselves for direction and are reticent to ask others for help. They would rather do things themselves, to make sure they are done properly. INFPs have found this to be both a strength and a curse. Depending only on themselves and being careful not to show mistakes to others is important. As teens, INFPs may have a bit of a rebellious streak. They may argue with those who hold different values than they do. They are also likely to have a small, close set of friends with whom they share good times. In the comfort of those close relationships, they can relax and are often quite entertaining, since they see the world in a different and special way. Their sense of humour is readily apparent. However, unless an INFP finds an appreciation for his or her uniqueness and personal values, he or she may feel like an odd person out.
    The only thing is I'm not really a perfectionist, I think thats because I was often told I was doing something wrong even when I tried my hardest, so now instead of trying to achieve perfection if I fail it's fine because I didn't try, and though it hurts it's not as bad as me actually trying to realize that I misinterpret something.

    INFPs have a need for perfection in connection with their personal values. They become frustrated with those who dwell on trivialities.

    INFPs need a purpose beyond the paycheck. They become burned out easily if their job does not fit their value system; they may not feel good enough about what they have achieved and, as a result, may undervalue themselves and their contributions.
    I don't work but I won't do well in a class unless i can see a clear purpose of why I should. I never think what I do is good enough, hence the whole not trying thing once again

    They may become embarrassed when make the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time.
    Yup I hate being infront of people and all attention on me. I'll often pretend not to know something so I don't have to talk in class, incase it's wrong and I look like an idiot.

    INFPs like to work with cooperative people committed to the same values that they are. They can become bothered when they see others working at cross purposes, especially when conflict is overt. They do not like competition or bureaucracy. They need privacy. Calm and quiet appeal to them, as does time and space for reflection. People usually like working with INFPs even though they may not know them well.
    Ugh I can't stand bureacracy and still can't see a purpose for it. Conflict makes me nervous, I always imagine it esculating into something physical. Even when my parents fought and they never hit eachother I was sure one of them was going to lose their temper. It turns out they're just yellers so to communicate they yell at each other, but as a child to see that much anger in a person face scared me. And the first parts not really true I'll work with whoever as long as their beliefs don't interfere with anything. I don't speak about my ideals and you don't either and If I want to I'll find someone who believes the same thing I do.
    INFPs are quite disorganized. But when tasks at hand are important and best done in an organized way, INFPs strive to do so. Practicality is not a driving force for INFPs. Things that traditionally belong together may not be placed together because the INFP does not see it as necessary. They have trouble finishing what they start because of their perfectionistic nature. When they do finish a project, they may not consider it done 'for good.' Projects can always be improved upon, revised, and reworked, and therefore INFPs find it hard to bring tasks to closure. Because they are able to visualize the finished product long before it is done, the actual completion is of less importance.
    If you've seen my room or book bag you'll know that I am not organized. If I have an important end of semester paper I will actually make an outline and take notes, as otherwise I'll just write crap down and is not organized. The only grades that matter to me are the ones due at the end of the semester when the final grade means I'll either pass or fail. I don't study for midterms btw I got a c+ on most of them, well except one which i haven't gotten back yet. Now if a teacher asks for more thoughtful answers on my quiz I'll start putting effort in, because if the teacher feels it's neccessary, I to comment, I will put more effort in my work. He could have said nothing and let me dig myself into a really deep hole, which I would have.

    INFPs prefer occupations in which they can be involved in making the world better. Having their heart in their work is important to them. These occupations also allow for an element of creativity and flexibility. INFPs are particularly interested to be counselor, editor, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, journalist, psychologist, religious educator, social scientist, social worker, teacher, writer, and other occupations that engage their values.

    Not really me but I do need flexibilty, I want to be a documentarian because I like learning about different cultures and love to travel, I get depressed when I'm in one place to long. I want to do one on Drifters and another on Racism in America and how's still here, plan on looking into the civil rights movement. I think I may do it on mix marriages and how it effected familes and I'm going to do it of three generations 1st will be the civil rights movement either during or slightly before, another will be present day and the other will be somwhere between the two. Not that you care but I'm excited, I'm doing my research paper on film makers response to Birth of a Nation which I'm sure will help my film in some way. Maybe it is to make the world a better place because part of me hopes who sees the film and hates the idea of mix marriage will change their mind about it.

    I'm not going to pick the leader thing except I hate being incharge and luckily their's always been another strong personality in my group whose always taken the role of leadership on. I can criticize myself no problem, I'm weird where I can often time take criticism as long as it doesn't rip my work to shreds, but I can not critize others when they want me to. I do it unintentionally sometimes, but I think everyone does.

    Leisure

    Leisure activities are very important to INFPs, but at times it is difficult for them to separate work from play. When a new leisure pursuit is found, INFPs typically do a great deal of research. They may read many books and make several phone calls to dig for information.

    Many of the INFPs' leisure activities are done alone --- reading, listening to music, and gardening are some activities likely to appeal to them. Reflection time and the opportunity to make sure things are right are important. INFPs often enjoy leisure pursuits with loved ones as well. When they want to be sociable, they can be exceedingly charming and outgoing. Their flexibility, gentleness, and sense of humour can make them quite popular in social situations.
    I use to read and I like to but I think I may be depressed and no longer like it as much as I use to. But once I pick up a book I have a hard time putting it back down and will sometimes re write the book in my mind, if I want to know the answer I will look it up till I find one I like.

    I hate going to movies besides that they've mostly sucked and cost 9 dollars-is the idiots who comment on everything or the obnoxious guy who laughs or continually kicks my seat. I swear last time I about turn around and broke that bastard's foot. But I really like going shopping with one or two people as long as it's not a saturday and everyone else is out aswell. Their's nothing better then going to starbucks or some place similar with a good friend and catching up, knowing that you'll get some down time at the end of the night and because you don't sleep even if you don't get home til 4 your wake at 9 and have till noon or later before people call you so you can watch movies or play videogames, or read some interesting articles online. Or maybe bake (I love to bake). I really like spending time with others I care about but I have to care about them otherwise I find myself feeling drained.

    I've never been in love as far as I know.

    I'm tired so maybe continue this later, or do you think I should do this in my blog?

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