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  1. #11
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Honesty and consistency are a good place to start.

    Edit: The external packaging is not particularly important to me. If someone is rude, blunt, and says terrible things, but after observing I can get an idea that their motivations are good, I can trust them. It might take me longer to recover if the person has all the social graces and seems really kindhearted, but then unexpectedly stabs me in the back. For me consistency has to do with the presentation of the person being authentic. There is also always the possibility for an individual to find patterns in a variety of people that either support or undermine trust. I have found that image conscious people tend to be the most critical and undermining of me, so when I get a whiff of that, I tend to back away a bit.
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  2. #12
    Member Goodewitch's Avatar
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    Everyone has given great answers here. Consistency.. sincerity,.. and real liking for the INFJ, thats palpable, and has a long lasting feel about it.
    In the end, theres a few factors I can throw into the mix, that are personal to me, as an INFJ, so speaking for myself,.. I'd say,
    Privacy.. this is important, if i tell you anything, anything at all, respect it and assume that its meant to be in confidence, and not shared as gossip fodder for your other freinds.
    Values,.. this is something you cant fake, either you'll click with her values on most important things or you wont. If you dont, then there will always be some sort of reserve or slight disapproval there, even if she really likes you.. its that damned J thang!
    Exclusivity.. yep, i know it might sound a bit Diva ish,... but sometimes INFJ's like to feel special.. as in your 'special' feind.. we dont like to one of a group of frends you keep. We like to feel special and sort of set apart.
    And... time.. sorry, but theres no short cut on time. We need to know you'll be sticking around. That takes time to come to fruition.
    Hope that helps a bit.
    G. x

  3. #13
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Persistence. Stick around for a few long nights of conversation - that's where the two types line up the best. Everyone else is ready for bed way earlier than we are.

  4. #14
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    I would say that I'm closest to those who are/can be vulnerable with me.

    It's not tit for tat though. While someone being vulnerable might enable me to be vulnerable, it doesn't guarantee that I'll choose to. On the other hand, if you're never vulnerable and you're always just talking about random, silly, inconsequential, non-deep stuff.... well, I'm simply not interested in that kind of interaction. At all. Period.

  5. #15
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    Speaking from fairly close friendships with two INFJs.

    Values,.. this is something you cant fake, either you'll click with her values on most important things or you wont. If you dont, then there will always be some sort of reserve or slight disapproval there, even if she really likes you.. its that damned J thang!
    I definitely agree that similar values are very important -- but i think this is true for all people not just INFJs? If anything, its the NF-ness that causes this, not just the J. NFPs are very conscious of aligned values as well (its the Fi).


    Persistence. Stick around for a few long nights of conversation - that's where the two types line up the best. Everyone else is ready for bed way earlier than we are.
    ^ Soooo true! Haha, INFJs are the people with whom i stay up on the phone til 5am -- no other type seems as willing to engage in terrifically long conversations.

    By the way, all you need to sustain abovementioned long conversations is genuine interest, and some measure of concern. I have great convos with INFJs, and both of them tell me they really love talking to me

  6. #16
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    There were some really lovely comments in this thread. I don't have anything much more insightful to say, but I would add/reiterate that the people I really like and trust have usually been in my life for AT LEAST six months or more (I can really trust someone at that point but we need to have spent a good amount of time and conversation together), they at least try to be consistent with me, they don't belittle or dismiss my emotions, and they are likely to be at least somewhat vulnerable with me at least occasionally.

    If they succeed in really letting me down and angering me/upsetting me (and they need to have done something fairly bad, or show a pattern of inconsiderateness and hurtfulness), they may be able to regain my trust (whether partially or totally, only time will tell) by apologising sincerely and showing that they've taken on board whatever I tell them about why my feelings were hurt - even if that involves some major changes in their behaviour toward me.

    Shared values are very important, but I would have a far greater level of trust (though maybe not total trust) with someone whose values are somewhat different from mine, but who is true to them, than someone who superficially shares my values but frequently/mostly doesn't apply them in their lives or stay true to them.

    And certainly they should show that they are willing to invest at least a fairly significant amount of time and effort in me for me to really trust them...because if I feel that way about someone, the amount of time/effort I would invest in them is pretty much without limit.
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  7. #17
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #18
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post


    and sex!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  9. #19
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #20
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Hmm- well for one thing I know people gain my trust by speaking in my love language and showing me that I am a priority.

    Time is very important to me and interaction is very draining- I look at time spent with people as a serious investment- if a person is not trustworthy then that is time wasted and I have been drained for nothing. I save my energy and time for people who are a priority to me only and who make me a priority. Show me you are making me a priority and that my time is meaningful to you and I will be more trusting of you and will want to invest more in the relationship.

    I respect people who are honest even if it puts them at a disadvantage that is very trust endearing for me at least. Displays of integrity build great confidence.

    The more self aware you seem and reflective the more likely I am to trust you because the more you know who you are the more I can trust you to not be flaky and change on me and seem to lie- if you are aware of what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are- your battles in life and how you need to grow and how you have grown- that is very appealing to gaining trust.

    Know why you like me and be able to describe it- be specific. Make sure to display that there is a meaningful exchange taking place that is special and make me feel understood by asking questions and restating things I tell you and what you observe of me, make observations of me and tell me them and don't be afraid to challenge me- the more I see you as an asset to helping me grow as a person, the more I will trust you.

    Consistentcy also very very very very very key. Perhaps most important of all. This is just how it is for me- I can't speak for all INFJ's and who knows if yours is like me.
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