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  1. #1
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    Default What are the differences in NFP and NFJ flirting?

    Supposedly, the two archetypes are good in that.

    Having a good Fi myself, I think I can better speak for ENFPs. It usually involves...
    (e.g., this one involves an ENFJ)

    1. Lots of cryptic, figurative innuendos. Very playful rhetoric.
    2. Telling the NFJ person that you know her more than she thinks. Well, that's the problem when the NFJ girl doesn't tell a lot about her. You have to make sure you have your NFP people-reading skills available.
    3. Telling her that you sincerely care for her (because if you're just applying number 2, it will look like you're just psychoanalyzing)
    4. Then an injection of light (but still witty) sarcasm to lighten things up.

    ENFJs do something like this.

    1. Shows subtly that she interested with you, like...errr.....reading your NFP write-ups CONSISTENTLY. (e.g., blogs, compositions, etc).

    2. If you try to use your figurative, vague, cryptic NFP statements, NFJ will make the statement more decisive, adds a sugarcoat in it. Basically saves the NFP the misery of making a decisive statement if ever he's scared of it. NFJ will sugarcoat the situation for you.

    3. And just when you think that she's just being friendly, the NFJ girl will ask you to do more of the witty flirtations. Like she's pulling you in or what, and you don't know how much of it is sheer friendliness, and how much of it has traces of romanticizing. But heck, you like it anyway. A very dangerous trap. LOL!

    4. And just when you're trying to inject those NFP sarcasm just so that you can detach yourself from the NFJ pull she's doing, she'll persuade you effectively to turn off that sarcasm and go back to affectionate mode.

    O_O

    _____________

    Is this the way they normally do things, or is it just the dynamics of an NFJ/NFP interaction?

  2. #2
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i don't know. it's difficult when nfp types are so good at using Ne to stir their own feeling states. if they have their Fi worked out well they can pick up on such a wide range of F experience and connect to your feelings with tangible examples that you both can stand on. it's difficult to tell when they are flirting bc they do it easily and with a lot of people, and they when open often see the best in others so they have this kind of Fness with you but with many others as well. holistic relating, picking up mood and tone and variation/divergence, etc. i can't tell what is specifically flirting with them and many people can't. i think the Te action is a big part of it, that needs to be considered.

    nfjs know when they got it going full blast how to voice-lead others. they know what the other person wants, they know how to create wants, they know how to anticipate needs and do some great on-the-fly problem-solving, product-testing, etc. they know how to direct the conversation/dialogue/encounter in specific directions bc Fe is based on objectives, or that the way Fe works requires persuasion, consensus, harmony, love me more and give me attention, look how great i am, etc. Fe knows how to sell the fuck out of anything, directing the emotional states of the self, the setting/scene, and the social group.

    nfp knows how to connect their feeling states to yours even when the threads are mostly ridiculous or not privileged in the least. they can understand the wholeness of someone. whereas nfjs know how to work the language to produce a specific series of transformations. infjs are much worse at this and usually get stuck easier, just as infps are rarely as 100% connectible as enfps. but the rigour often helps in certain situations and for more complex problems.

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    The ENFJ description is spot on, haha.

    I agree with State that introverts are probably not going to be as adept at flirting. I can see how people would find it hard to know if I am flirting. The best thing is to compare how I interact with others I suppose. Unlike extroverts, I don't come off the same with everyone. I am much more Ne silly when flirting, and even inferior Te is more humorous. Ice Queen Te usage just means I don't like you. Oh, and being kind and showing a personal interest is just the INFP empathetic switch being flipped. Don't mistake it for romantic interest...

    The cryptic, figurative stuff is very me, as is light sarcasm. I also like to make playful jabs. If I tease you and it's a little mean, then I probably like you. I never directly say I care unless I'm quite sure it's reciprocated. I can be stingy in that way, because the vulnerability scares me.

    INFPs jokes tend to have some or a lot of truth in them, so if they make any implication of a physical attraction, it's probably for real. I don't tell someone they are cute unless I really think so.

    The whole "I know you more than you think" sounds almost exactly like stuff I've heard ENFJs say though. Maybe it's an extroverted NF thing.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
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    The ENFJ description is scarily accurate.

  5. #5
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    ...That said, I am somewhat involved with an ENFP. Here's how the entire flirting/feeling one another out stage (which lasted 8 months) played out:

    ENFP:
    -Called me the first time and hung up before I could answer. Eventually called back.
    -Made many phone calls after; got into deep, 2 hour-conversations about anything and everything
    -Would ask me my opinion on issues in his life
    -Began inviting me over with a few other friends
    -Always hanging out with me and a guy friend (safe situation, but still intimate)
    -Impulsively began inviting me to very intimate occasions (family reunion, for example)/Overstepped tons of boundaries that weren't acceptable in a friendship setting
    -Couldn't admit he had feelings for me; spoke EXTREMELY cryptically about them for months

    Me (ENFJ):
    -I've learned from past experiences, so I kept my mouth shut and never told him how I felt either
    -Accepted nearly every invitation made to me
    -Looked at him more than others when talking in groups (He told me so.)
    -Smiled and interacted a lot
    -Eventually pulled back to see what would become of the agonizing process as he worked out how he felt.

    We're now at the point where we both know how we feel. When we first had the conversation, he still tried to be cryptic. He started the conversation talking about various qualities he valued in me, then moved right on to "obstacles" he saw. Essentially, he NEVER mentioned the obvious: "I really like YOU." So he said all of this stuff, and me, being the J, said, "That's all really great. But I need to know exactly where you stand." This kind of vagueness/directness has since defined the relationship as we try to figure out where it's going now. I will almost always restate what he said if it is unclear and ask him if that is correct.

    And, of course, I spent many waking hours reading every ENFP profile, scanning his Facebook obsessively, studying him in public, and writing about him in my journals.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    That's the problem when too much reading-between-lines is needed.

  7. #7
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Good to know i'm not the only ENFJ stuck on our P counterparts.
    Love is the point.

  8. #8
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Good to know i'm not the only ENFJ suck on our P counterparts.
    You can suck on my P counterpart any time
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  9. #9
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Sonuva...EDITED... Good catch SW.
    Love is the point.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    ENFJs can be at least not so 'friendly' with others so that the ENFP can realize that he's special to the other.

    Oh wait. ENFJs accuse ENFPs the same thing.

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