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  1. #1
    Senior Member thinkinjazz's Avatar
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    Default ENFP's on taking care of themselves

    I am freaking out, the feeling of wanting to jump out of your skin. I am an ENFP- a positive happy and strange type person, but things are not ok. I am in college right now, I graduate in a year and i have not managed to take any classes I enjoy because i don't want to hurt my parents. It's hurting me though and now i think it's too late- the wrong school, the wrong people (not that these are bad people, but they're not as outgoing as at UC Berkeley), and I am not doing what I love and never did even when I wanted to in highschool, even when a part of me knew that was what I needed to be fixed. Don't tell me this is normal, that nothing's wrong, because i am not ok with this, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I've lost so much and let so many opportunities slip by. I need help. Why don't I react on what I want? Just because my parents gave me the exact opposite of what I cared about or needed doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to fix this and take care of myself- what's their crime afterall, loving me? They thought they were doing the right thing. I am trying to be independent. I am quitting school after this year. I think that might be better than graduating because I am sick of school and am starting to hate my major- I can still come back and change things this way- everything is all wrong and I want to be fixed I want to live on my terms. i am confused. I think I just want to be a dance teacher. Is there any advice anyone can give me? What does that mean when you know what you want, but don't do it?

    *Sorry for being emo; I really am not usually like this.
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  2. #2
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Well at some point, you need to say, "Screw it," and do what you want in life.

    I used to be similar, always doing what others expected, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, thinking of others before myself. I can't explain what happened, except things just CLICKED and I said, "Well, wtf? This is my life - I'm over 18, so to hell with this crap." Now I'm to the point where even if my (well-intentioned) grandmother whines and bitches on the phone wondering when I am going to come back, I just casually say, "I'm building a life here in Germany, and my focus is on that right now." Sure, it still bothers me and I need to vent a bit, but at the end of the day, I do what I feel is right.

    Maybe it's a case of maturing and growing up? You sound young.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  3. #3
    Senior Member thinkinjazz's Avatar
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    I'm young (21), but most the things I want to do now are young things and college is not a piece of my life I want to waste. I can stand wasting some of the moments waiting for a slice of pizza.
    Holy sh**t a talking muffin!

    All shotguns and lace.

  4. #4
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Ok, so I'm not going to tell you that you're normal. But I will tell you that I can completely relate, and I think you will find that many other ENFPs here can as well.

    There are many times that I have known exactly what I wanted, but I didn't go for it or do it because I didn't want to let other people(mainly my family), down. What does it mean? It means you're an ENFP. Seriously, we are driven by an internal value system that is often at odds with itself. We want others to like and be pleased with us, but we also have a deep seated drive towards feeling and being "authentic" and real to ourselves. We can feel obligated to our parents, or to others, who have one thing in mind for us. But we also feel just as strongly obligated to ourselves. Inner turmoil ensures when it seems like the happiness of others depends on us doing one thing, but our own happiness depends on us doing another. The conflict creates anxiety, and a feeling of being "beside" or "outside" of yourself.

    Managing the conflict is of course, easier said than done; but I would say, don't waste another minute going against what is true to you. I can give you a long list of consequences that I am currently enduring as a result of carrying on, for years, against what I knew to be best for me, beginning with college.

    The best thing that we can do is follow our intuition and trust ourselves. You really do know what's best for you, but sometimes it's hard to trust that when you've spent so much time relying on the judgment, opinions, and guidance of others.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    +

    Ok, so I'm not going to tell you that you're normal. But I will tell you that I can completely relate, and I think you will find that many other ENFPs here can as well.

    There are many times that I have known exactly what I wanted, but I didn't go for it or do it because I didn't want to let other people(mainly my family), down. What does it mean? It means you're an ENFP. Seriously, we are driven by an internal value system that is often at odds with itself. We want others to like and be pleased with us, but we also have a deep seated drive towards feeling and being "authentic" and real to ourselves. We can feel obligated to our parents, or to others, who have one thing in mind for us. But we also feel just as strongly obligated to ourselves. Inner turmoil ensures when it seems like the happiness of others depends on us doing one thing, but our own happiness depends on us doing another. The conflict creates anxiety, and a feeling of being "beside" or "outside" of yourself.

    Managing the conflict is of course, easier said than done; but I would say, don't waste another minute going against what is true to you. I can give you a long list of consequences that I am currently enduring as a result of carrying on, for years, against what I knew to be best for me, beginning with college.

    The best thing that we can do is follow our intuition and trust ourselves. You really do know what's best for you, but sometimes it's hard to trust that when you've spent so much time relying on the judgment, opinions, and guidance of others.
    it's true really...inner conflict. it's the worst but do something now so you're not starting from scratch when you're 30....because eventually...you will have to do what makes you happy and everything you do up until that point will be a waste.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    ^^^ Yeah, what they said. It's an easier lesson to learn now than later.

    Example: My family always said, "WHaaaaaaat you want to learn German and languages? What do you want to DO with that?!?!!?"

    Of course, they wanted me to study something 'useful' like accounting. So what did I do? A compromise. I studied Political Science, which basically allows you to study ANYTHING in post-grad.

    Had I listened to my inner voice, I'd be having an easier go with my life right now, though. They accept American teachers at a drop of a hat if they have studied history (what I also considered but dropped because my family was all like arghghghghg), foreign languages (what I wanted to learn anyway), among other things.

    If you have a strong voice telling you to do something, there's a reason, and you should listen. And if your family acts like cat shit about it, tell them, "Look, perhaps you do not understand, but this is very important for me. If I do not succeed, I'm fully cognizant of the consequences and I am willing to take that risk."

    I mean, hey, who can argue with that???
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  7. #7
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    I struggle with what I want to do and what society tells me is stupid and not worth trying.

    Let me ask you this...
    what happens if you don't become a dance teacher? Would you regret leaving school with how you're feeling right now?

  8. #8
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    At some point, you come to terms with the fact that 95% of society is retarded anyway, so there is no point in listening to what 'society' (whatever the hell that is - just a composite of a lot of stupid individuals, so can we expect a 'smart' society, eh not really) says.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  9. #9
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    But society ultimately has final say, as awful as that is.
    They do the hiring.
    They do the schooling.
    They are the teachers.
    They are the politicians.

    We are society. We just don't blend in as well.

  10. #10
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Pfft who gave you the impression that teachers have a say in anything. Trust me. I'm a teacher.

    This week, I've taught an intensive English course where one of the rules (written on several letters) is to speak English at all times. After several attempts at politely encouraging, then being strict, then admonishing pupils, I got loud and said, "If you do not want to speak English, I'm not sure why you are here! If you don't stop speaking German, I'm going to send you to the office and have them call your parents. In the worst case, you'll be picked up and taken home."

    Well holy crap in a handbasket, the next morning, parents are going all apeshit crazy, and the first thing I know, the administration is coming to me saying I was loud, rude, and unbelievable in class, according to the parents, that I was unnecessarily strict and they will never, ever send their kids there again.

    Fuck a duck, why the hell did they send them to our school then??? For a holiday to get them out of the house? I mean, geez. It wasn't like I screamed at them and called them stupid, lazy sons of --- yeah. (Though I wanted to...I kept my cool). I simply raised my voice and expressed the consequences of continued bad behavior after attempting to do so with encouragement and niceties.

    Parents are f-ing stupid nowadays. No wonder why the kids are totally bonkers.

    Anyway, point being: Just because you are in a so-called position of authority, it doesn't really give you a hell of a lot more say than anyone else. And those guys who hire you? Well, hell I've landed almost every job (actually, I think every job) I've ever interviewed for.

    So I wouldn't worry about it that much. Really. People can tell if you're kissing ass or serious about your intent. These guys know I'm a straight arrow, so they give me the benefit of the doubt and ask me before freaking out and kicking my rear end on the street.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

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