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  1. #11
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thinkinjazz View Post
    I am freaking out, the feeling of wanting to jump out of your skin. I am an ENFP- a positive happy and strange type person, but things are not ok. I am in college right now, I graduate in a year and i have not managed to take any classes I enjoy because i don't want to hurt my parents. It's hurting me though and now i think it's too late- the wrong school, the wrong people (not that these are bad people, but they're not as outgoing as at UC Berkeley), and I am not doing what I love and never did even when I wanted to in highschool, even when a part of me knew that was what I needed to be fixed. Don't tell me this is normal, that nothing's wrong, because i am not ok with this, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I've lost so much and let so many opportunities slip by. I need help. Why don't I react on what I want? Just because my parents gave me the exact opposite of what I cared about or needed doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to fix this and take care of myself- what's their crime afterall, loving me? They thought they were doing the right thing. I am trying to be independent. I am quitting school after this year. I think that might be better than graduating because I am sick of school and am starting to hate my major- I can still come back and change things this way- everything is all wrong and I want to be fixed I want to live on my terms. i am confused. I think I just want to be a dance teacher. Is there any advice anyone can give me? What does that mean when you know what you want, but don't do it?

    *Sorry for being emo; I really am not usually like this.
    I relate to everything you said man. I'm 23 and dropped out of college last summer for the same exact reasons. Was in a major that would ensure me a well paid job and career in part because I felt I owed it to my parents in a sense. But college experience was completely the opposite of what I expected. Uninteresting people, uninteresting experiences, zero motivation to study for subjects which I was not naturally fond of (or good at, and subjects which required a great deal of discipline).

    MBTI helped me as a part of my "soul-searching" trip if you will. I now know myself a lot better and what makes me tick and what doesn't. I discovered the ENVIRONMENT where I'm performing the tasks is VERY important in terms of motivation and overall satisfaction regardless of whether the task is something I'm naturally good at or something I enjoy at all.

    If you are lucky enough to know what you are good at and/or what you enjoy doing waste no more time, man, and go look for that.


    Still, you might not realize this now, but there will come a point where you will be able to put all those experiences into perspective. When one is down all can seem doom and gloom and worthless specially for ENFPs. But the truth is we are somewhat extreme idealists...other people could often be in the same situation you are and find contentment in that...but we just weren't wired for certain things.

    And one of them is obeying Si and "how things should be". Fuck that. And, have a nice life

  2. #12
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    ^^^ Oh yeah, crap, I forgot to tie this back to my main thesis, so you're probably all wondering does that have to do with anything.

    Assuming I had let them do whatever they want and speak German, you can be damn sure OTHER parents would have called me and complained that I was being too lenient. So at the end of the day, no matter what you do to make people happy, you're not going to make everyone happy. So the best thing to do is go with your gut feeling, do what you think is right, and leave the rest.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  3. #13
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post

    So at the end of the day, no matter what you do to make people happy, you're not going to make everyone happy. So the best thing to do is go with your gut feeling, do what you think is right, and leave the rest.
    +1

    Amen to that.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member thinkinjazz's Avatar
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    Thanks guys = )
    Holy sh**t a talking muffin!

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  5. #15
    Member dani_elle's Avatar
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    I feel you. I came from a very strict family with a very good academic background. My dad is a doctor and studied his way outta poverty, my mother studied Mathematics. Not that I don't admire the both of them, I really admire their ability to work so hard and be so disciplined.

    But... thats not me! I am a very fickle person and I tend to be drawn towards languages, the arts, etc. ANYTHING that has nothing to do with the fields my parents seemed to want me to go towards. While if I studied hard enough, I could get pretty good results, it made me feel miserable. So yeah, now I'm studying something they probably will consider pretty useless: Communications.

    Honestly, I've never had so much fun studying in my life! What used to be a chore becomes joyful when you realize you are kinda suited to it and naturally so. Communications may not be an exact science and it may be more hands on than anything but I'm enjoying it. Although I know the pay for this field is generally not high, I'm loving it nonetheless. Somehow though, even though I followed my heart, I sometimes do get the nagging feeling that whatever I'm studying may very well be "inferior" and hogwash compared to the rest of my family, but this is a choice I took for myself and I'm proud of it.

    I have no idea what opportunities there are out there in your country as a drop out (cos where I live, dropping out is pretty much the scariest/most shocking thing anyone can do.) but all can say is: Good luck but do try to have some (semblance) of a plan on how to deal with the consequences.
    I am an ENFP but I value justice over mercy.

  6. #16
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thinkinjazz View Post
    I am freaking out, the feeling of wanting to jump out of your skin. I am an ENFP- a positive happy and strange type person, but things are not ok. I am in college right now, I graduate in a year and i have not managed to take any classes I enjoy because i don't want to hurt my parents. It's hurting me though and now i think it's too late- the wrong school, the wrong people (not that these are bad people, but they're not as outgoing as at UC Berkeley), and I am not doing what I love and never did even when I wanted to in highschool, even when a part of me knew that was what I needed to be fixed. Don't tell me this is normal, that nothing's wrong, because i am not ok with this, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I've lost so much and let so many opportunities slip by. I need help. Why don't I react on what I want? Just because my parents gave me the exact opposite of what I cared about or needed doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to fix this and take care of myself- what's their crime afterall, loving me? They thought they were doing the right thing. I am trying to be independent. I am quitting school after this year. I think that might be better than graduating because I am sick of school and am starting to hate my major- I can still come back and change things this way- everything is all wrong and I want to be fixed I want to live on my terms. i am confused. I think I just want to be a dance teacher. Is there any advice anyone can give me? What does that mean when you know what you want, but don't do it?

    *Sorry for being emo; I really am not usually like this.
    First: breathe & relax.

    You don't say what your major is. Would it be possible to stay in school longer and get a double-major in your current major and something else that you'd like to major in? Is this economically feasible? If not, could you get a job and attend college part-time?
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  7. #17
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Don't know how it works in the US, but I did sorta the same here. I took the 'safe' road in college as my parents told me to plz try and be responsible and live in the real world. I wanted to study either languages or psychology. I was told I was too sensitive for psychology, and had a history of studying languages (Latin- Modern Languages in high school), as well as a family that was pretty good in languages. The choice seemed obvious.

    I knew in the beginning of my 3d year that I would never be competent enough, to use it properly (Russian). I however did decide to continue. I had put in all that work, it would've been a shame not to get my Masters. So I continued. It's not that I hated my studies, mind you. I enjoyed learning about languages, but it went on too specialized ( I learned the definition of centrifugal force in Russian, I already despised physicis in Dutch, let alone Russian! :rolli. In my last year, while preparing my thesis, a translation from English, I realized that I'd never translate as I despised the pressure that came with it. I graduated because having a Masters opens doors for you..though not always the doors you'd like.

    I went a bit on a quest to find what I'd like to do. At first I caved to the pressure to find a job as 'everyone else'. After a while I decided to go back to my passion: animals. So I got an underpaid job at a veterinary clinic. After that, I had my own business, only to discover that it's worse than having an employer in Belgium. So I quit. Now I find myself working as a secretary at a consultancy agency with psychologists. Life's funny that way. I've also started taking behavioral courses for animals (which includes humans) and am looking into getting my Masters in Psychology through self-study. I just applied for a job as Mediator.

    My point is, you might not like what you're doing now very much. But get your degree. You put in all that work, you've earned it. It will open doors for you while you find out what you'd like to do.

    Btw, my parents whined like mad and went through hell when I decided not to use the degree I had in the predictable way. But I told them: you always told me to get a good degree and then I could always still try to do what I loved, knowing I had it as a safety net. Don't come bitching now.

    Just my two cents.
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  8. #18
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thinkinjazz View Post
    I'm young (21), but most the things I want to do now are young things and college is not a piece of my life I want to waste. I can stand wasting some of the moments waiting for a slice of pizza.
    Do it now. x100

    You have the rest of 20s and 30s to try again and switch course. I guarantee as an ENFP it will kill you to waste time when you know you don't want to be doing something. And furthermore when you know what you want to be doing.

    My classmates after college did lots of screwy things that had nothing to do with their BAs. One became a magician in San Francisco (not kidding), another opened a scrap book business, in the states having a BA is the equivalent of having a highschool degree for our grandparents' generation.

    Not finding your way until later is not the worst thing in the world (at least you find it, and hopefully have the opportunity to act on it).

    You have the knowledge now and the opportunity so I would say go for it. Your parents will get over their initial disappointment.

    BTW, you said you want to be a dance instructor? You know you can do that as a 2nd job. Because doing it solo might not be a liveable income. My friend quit her job in finance in SF (which is "hella expensive" as you may know) to become a licensed yoga teacher and then realized she needed to the pay the rent, etc. So she went back to finance but she tries to teach when she can. She teaches at her workplace.

    So there are usually compromises involved on the path the happiness but as long as you get there~

    So basically, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater either. Study what you want and also what will help support you later. Figure out a way to be practical as well as pursue "impractical" things.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  9. #19
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    I've always secretly wanted to be a dance teacher, too.

    Maybe, someday, when I am more self-actualized, I will.

    Maybe you will, too.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #20
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    I know this is very un-ENFPish of me to say, but if you only have one year left finish school, you should definitely do it. It would be a huge mistake not to.. FOLLOW THROUGH! You are still young and as an ENFP you will likely change your mind about what you want to do as a career multiple times over the course of your 20's and maybe your lifetime. It's painful for us ENFPs when our choices and possiblities are limited, especially by mistakes we made in the past. You can still be a dance teacher that has a degree but you will most likely not be able to get another job you decide you want later without this degree, or at least your options will be MUCH more limited to say the least. It would be different if you had some once in a lifetime opportunity waiting at your doorstep but you are still contemplating what you want to do.

    Also, most ENFPs your age have the hardest time picking a major and deciding what to study. I definitely had a hard time determining my path and if you go to ENFPtibe.net you will see half of the posts debating college majors or career paths. I know it may seem terrible that your parents pushed you one way but I can almost guarantee that you'd still be internally struggling either way.

    Lastly, Berkley has an amazing reputation. Your career options will be wide regardless of your major because of the caliber of the school. After graduation, if you still want to be a dance teacher then pursue it! Right AFTER you graduate is the perfect time to experiment with careers paths. You have a fall back degree but not a career you have been throwing time into for years so you can do whatever you want. Just please graduate from Berkley. You'd could really be hurting yourself in the long run if you didn't.
    What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.

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