[ENFP] ENFPs being CRAZY about someone

[Rachelinpa]

Are you guys crazy about someone? Does this exist naturally? Or, does it take an effort to keep those feelings maintained?

I'm kind of starting to think that romance is fantasy...

I really feel like I'm crazy into someone in the beginning, buuuut... then it dwindles... and I wonder if it's ever possible to have it where the feelings are constant...

In a relationship, is it just supposed to be like a comfortable friendship with occasional chemistry-like sparks?

 

[Amargith]

It is normal for those sparks to go. As addictive and fun as they can be, and as necessary as they are for attracting a mate, Nature also very much realizes that if we're constantly with our head in the clouds, we aint about to see the predator sneaking up on us...soo yeah..that high disappears

However, all those torturous moments of 'does he like me, oh he does', 'why does he have to be so far away tonight when I just wanna hold him close', ' Can't stop thinking about him', are kinda like a roaring fire out of control.


What happens when it quiets down is a deeper feeling of appreciation for their presence, the ability to just be quiet and content when near them, and a realization that you cannot imagine your life without them, that you're a team against the world.

It's a much more stable flame, that warms your heart. There's also that typical peacefulness and the feeling of 'being home'.

As for the roaring fire..there are ways of recapturing it at appropriate times

 

[INTP]

Maybe you just need to try not idealizing others too much in the beginning of the relationship. If you idealize others too much the hard truth about them will hit you in the face at some point. If you idealize way too much you might see that there is nothing left after the truth hits you. When you find someone intresting who you do not idealize too much it will last longer. Naturally after being in a relationship for long you wont get the same feeling that you had at the start, but if you didnt idealize other too much in the start(but found someone who you really like) spark wont go away.

Dunno if your thing is about this, but who knows..

 

[Laurie]

Yes, I'm like that too! Yay!

 

[Rachelinpa]

hmm yeah, i do idealize a lot in the beginning. it's so exciting though! NEW! yay! but then.. it's not new anymore, and it's nice, but it's not WOOHOO out of control... and i kind of like the woohoo out of control... i just really don't know what it's supposed to be like.

 

[revolve]

Are you guys crazy about someone? Does this exist naturally? Or, does it take an effort to keep those feelings maintained?

I'm kind of starting to think that romance is fantasy...

I really feel like I'm crazy into someone in the beginning, buuuut... then it dwindles... and I wonder if it's ever possible to have it where the feelings are constant...

In a relationship, is it just supposed to be like a comfortable friendship with occasional chemistry-like sparks?

hi rachelinpa! this is something that took me a long time to "cope" with, due to being an enfp (idealistic, romantic, fantasy) . . . i found the "reality" of love dwindling to be an extremely sad reality but it's not that love dwindles it's the whole scientific / biological thing where in the beginning it's all about infatuation / obsession & we run around in a manic frenzied state . . . we can't go on like that forever (we would be so exhausted & "spent") & so biology provides us with some "sanity" . . . love changes that's all . . . change is inevitable & it is healthy & good when your love or relationship transforms into a more comfortable / secure & healthy balanced state. this is hard on a young enfp (or an unhealthy one) though . . . always looking for a "fix" / a "rush" / a distraction . . .

 

[Clonester]

I look at it more like I know what I want in someone I'd potentially date. And when I first meet a girl there is this buzz and chemistry, but then you find out those qualities you want are not in her. So you have to take a crash back down to earth approach and ask yourself if you can overlook that and make it work. And the answer is usually yes, it can work. But it could be better. And I've seen girls more ideally suited, just perhaps the timing isn't right or they're already married. So you keep looking until you find that.

 

[SillySapienne]

I totally get infatuated with people and things/ideas.

Boys I like....

Oft was the time I have fallin' in and out of love in one fortnight.

 

[swordpath]

This is what scares me about ENFPs... and I mean no offense by it. Just being real.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

This is what scares me about ENFPs... and I mean no offense by it. Just being real.

Same.

 

[INTP]

This is what scares me about ENFPs... and I mean no offense by it. Just being real.

Same here. And how to make sure theyr not doing this for you if you would want something long term..

 

[Laurie]

Everyone is scary in their own way in relationships.

 

[swordpath]

Everyone is scary in their own way in relationships.

I guess... But what's scarier than feeling secure in the relationship because you're doused with positive and optimistic energy, only to find out that the person has detected greener pastures and wants out? The tingly sensation (which is inevitably going to die, at least from the magnitude that you knew it when the relationship was fresh and new) won't always be there, but isn't it kind of the ENFP nature to always chase it regardless?

to ENFPs though... I don't always know how to be blunt in my inquiries and not sound like an asshole.

 

[Moiety]

I guess... But what's scarier than feeling secure in the relationship because you're doused with positive and optimistic energy, only to find out that the person has detected greener pastures and wants out? The tingly sensation (which is inevitably going to die, at least from the magnitude that you knew it when the relationship was fresh and new) won't always be there, but isn't it kind of the ENFP nature to always chase it?

You are stuck on the "greener grass" expression in a way that seems to imply you think the idea behind it is "there is better out there". Feeling unsatisfied has nothing to do with "detecting greener pastures". You just maybe realize this particular pasture didn't meet your needs. It's not that you want out to pursue someone you saw that peaked your interest...you just want out because it's not doing anything for you. Relationship's only point is mutual growth and happiness.


I think it is important for everyone, not just ENFPs (and btw...this kind of phenomenon is not an ENFP phenomenon) to KNOW what they want and chase that.

I've never been in a serious relationship and that's because my standards are high and well defined. Sure...infatuation...every human being has to deal with that. It's how you choose to approach it.


When it comes to love I think knowing yourself is the most important aspect of the relationship. More important that communication and self-sacrifice or anything else. But I don't know that much about relationships. I do know myself very well however.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I guess... But what's scarier than feeling secure in the relationship because you're doused with positive and optimistic energy, only to find out that the person has detected greener pastures and wants out? The tingly sensation (which is inevitably going to die, at least from the magnitude that you knew it when the relationship was fresh and new) won't always be there, but isn't it kind of the ENFP nature to always chase it regardless?

I don't think it's necessarily about the grass is greener syndrome. I've just noted their feelings can be very strong in the beginning, due to whatever reason, and they seem (and may be) very into the person/relationship and it's all green lights. But over time the feelings dwindle until there is next to nothing. This is obviously not the case in every scenario or for every ENFP, but enough of a trend.

 

[ergophobe]

So many different things being discussed here.

Isn't it normal for the honeymoon period in a relationship to expire, between any two people and for things to seem more normal? This doesn't seem to be type dependent.

ENFPs do idealize their mates but this is who we are and believe me, it's not just mates we idealize. Friends, family, all of the people we care about are given similar treatment, at least in my life. It doesn't mean that we're constantly abandoning people and running off to find new friends/family/mates...

The OP's sentiment is shared by many of us when we come face to face with the undeniable reality of someone in our life that we may not want to face. The key is accepting that (the negative aspects) as part of the picture and still being able to see the positives, what they bring to our lives. People aren't black and white, after all, in spite of our best intentions to paint them that way!

There's a difference, I'd like to think, between reconciling the idealized image of a person and the reality of who they are - complete with flaws and frailties and moving off to greener pastures at short notice. The latter is more an indicator of commitment issues which are certainly not the forte of any one type.

Syptg, I get what you are saying with suggesting that ENFPs get a better sense of what they want before jumping in headfirst and then panicking. At the same time, an extreme form of this is also a form of idealization. The idealization here is of the perfect mate, someone who can barely exist in human form. There must be a happy balance, excuse me as I trip over my own ENFPness. We could eliminate less compatible potentials initially on the basis of some must-haves or must-not-haves but after that, it takes time and inclination at both ends to really explore the fate of the relationship. This process could lead to deeper forms of commitment. It's hard to know whether someone meets everything you need and you meet their needs without this process of exploration.

 

[brainheart]

In a relationship, is it just supposed to be like a comfortable friendship with occasional chemistry-like sparks?

Yes, I think so. The ones that will last, anyway. The healthy ones.

 

[Moiety]

Syptg, I get what you are saying with suggesting that ENFPs get a better sense of what they want before jumping in headfirst and then panicking. At the same time, an extreme form of this is also a form of idealization. The idealization here is of the perfect mate, someone who can barely exist in human form. There must be a happy balance, excuse me as I trip over my own ENFPness. We could eliminate less compatible potentials initially on the basis of some must-haves or must-not-haves but after that, it takes time and inclination at both ends to really explore the fate of the relationship. This process could lead to deeper forms of commitment. It's hard to know whether someone meets everything you need and you meet their needs without this process of exploration.

Completely agreed. I was just hinting at, how like so many other things in life, the important thing is knowing yourself and what you can't live without. At the end of the day...exploration or less exploration, that's paramount. You can't always get what you want but you should always strive to get what you need. I want world peace...that might be impossible...but having peace around me and contributing to peace among the people who are part of my life is satisfying. Besides...perceived "perfection"...is the dullest thing ever. No pain, no gain.

 

[Cranky]

This is what scares me about ENFPs... and I mean no offense by it. Just being real.

+1

 

[Laurie]

ENFPs do idealize their mates but this is who we are and believe me, it's not just mates we idealize. Friends, family, all of the people we care about are given similar treatment, at least in my life. It doesn't mean that we're constantly abandoning people and running off to find new friends/family/mates...

I've talked to people who had those same thoughts about ENFPs and really thought I was like that and was surprised to find out the truth. We look short term, we aren't always that way.

Beat, everyone can do the "grass is greener" thing. I actually had that happen to me and it wasnt from an ENFP. ENFPs are the only ones with broken relationships. Look around.