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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    This is what scares me about ENFPs... and I mean no offense by it. Just being real.
    Same here. And how to make sure theyr not doing this for you if you would want something long term..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  2. #12
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Everyone is scary in their own way in relationships.

  3. #13
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Everyone is scary in their own way in relationships.
    I guess... But what's scarier than feeling secure in the relationship because you're doused with positive and optimistic energy, only to find out that the person has detected greener pastures and wants out? The tingly sensation (which is inevitably going to die, at least from the magnitude that you knew it when the relationship was fresh and new) won't always be there, but isn't it kind of the ENFP nature to always chase it regardless?

    to ENFPs though... I don't always know how to be blunt in my inquiries and not sound like an asshole.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    I guess... But what's scarier than feeling secure in the relationship because you're doused with positive and optimistic energy, only to find out that the person has detected greener pastures and wants out? The tingly sensation (which is inevitably going to die, at least from the magnitude that you knew it when the relationship was fresh and new) won't always be there, but isn't it kind of the ENFP nature to always chase it?
    You are stuck on the "greener grass" expression in a way that seems to imply you think the idea behind it is "there is better out there". Feeling unsatisfied has nothing to do with "detecting greener pastures". You just maybe realize this particular pasture didn't meet your needs. It's not that you want out to pursue someone you saw that peaked your interest...you just want out because it's not doing anything for you. Relationship's only point is mutual growth and happiness.


    I think it is important for everyone, not just ENFPs (and btw...this kind of phenomenon is not an ENFP phenomenon) to KNOW what they want and chase that.

    I've never been in a serious relationship and that's because my standards are high and well defined. Sure...infatuation...every human being has to deal with that. It's how you choose to approach it.


    When it comes to love I think knowing yourself is the most important aspect of the relationship. More important that communication and self-sacrifice or anything else. But I don't know that much about relationships. I do know myself very well however.

  5. #15
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    I guess... But what's scarier than feeling secure in the relationship because you're doused with positive and optimistic energy, only to find out that the person has detected greener pastures and wants out? The tingly sensation (which is inevitably going to die, at least from the magnitude that you knew it when the relationship was fresh and new) won't always be there, but isn't it kind of the ENFP nature to always chase it regardless?
    I don't think it's necessarily about the grass is greener syndrome. I've just noted their feelings can be very strong in the beginning, due to whatever reason, and they seem (and may be) very into the person/relationship and it's all green lights. But over time the feelings dwindle until there is next to nothing. This is obviously not the case in every scenario or for every ENFP, but enough of a trend.

  6. #16
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    So many different things being discussed here.

    Isn't it normal for the honeymoon period in a relationship to expire, between any two people and for things to seem more normal? This doesn't seem to be type dependent.

    ENFPs do idealize their mates but this is who we are and believe me, it's not just mates we idealize. Friends, family, all of the people we care about are given similar treatment, at least in my life. It doesn't mean that we're constantly abandoning people and running off to find new friends/family/mates...

    The OP's sentiment is shared by many of us when we come face to face with the undeniable reality of someone in our life that we may not want to face. The key is accepting that (the negative aspects) as part of the picture and still being able to see the positives, what they bring to our lives. People aren't black and white, after all, in spite of our best intentions to paint them that way!

    There's a difference, I'd like to think, between reconciling the idealized image of a person and the reality of who they are - complete with flaws and frailties and moving off to greener pastures at short notice. The latter is more an indicator of commitment issues which are certainly not the forte of any one type.

    Syptg, I get what you are saying with suggesting that ENFPs get a better sense of what they want before jumping in headfirst and then panicking. At the same time, an extreme form of this is also a form of idealization. The idealization here is of the perfect mate, someone who can barely exist in human form. There must be a happy balance, excuse me as I trip over my own ENFPness. We could eliminate less compatible potentials initially on the basis of some must-haves or must-not-haves but after that, it takes time and inclination at both ends to really explore the fate of the relationship. This process could lead to deeper forms of commitment. It's hard to know whether someone meets everything you need and you meet their needs without this process of exploration.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    In a relationship, is it just supposed to be like a comfortable friendship with occasional chemistry-like sparks?
    Yes, I think so. The ones that will last, anyway. The healthy ones.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    Syptg, I get what you are saying with suggesting that ENFPs get a better sense of what they want before jumping in headfirst and then panicking. At the same time, an extreme form of this is also a form of idealization. The idealization here is of the perfect mate, someone who can barely exist in human form. There must be a happy balance, excuse me as I trip over my own ENFPness. We could eliminate less compatible potentials initially on the basis of some must-haves or must-not-haves but after that, it takes time and inclination at both ends to really explore the fate of the relationship. This process could lead to deeper forms of commitment. It's hard to know whether someone meets everything you need and you meet their needs without this process of exploration.
    Completely agreed. I was just hinting at, how like so many other things in life, the important thing is knowing yourself and what you can't live without. At the end of the day...exploration or less exploration, that's paramount. You can't always get what you want but you should always strive to get what you need. I want world peace...that might be impossible...but having peace around me and contributing to peace among the people who are part of my life is satisfying. Besides...perceived "perfection"...is the dullest thing ever. No pain, no gain.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    This is what scares me about ENFPs... and I mean no offense by it. Just being real.
    +1
    Personally, *I* think I'm hysterically funny.

  10. #20
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    ENFPs do idealize their mates but this is who we are and believe me, it's not just mates we idealize. Friends, family, all of the people we care about are given similar treatment, at least in my life. It doesn't mean that we're constantly abandoning people and running off to find new friends/family/mates...
    I've talked to people who had those same thoughts about ENFPs and really thought I was like that and was surprised to find out the truth. We look short term, we aren't always that way.

    Beat, everyone can do the "grass is greener" thing. I actually had that happen to me and it wasnt from an ENFP. ENFPs are the only ones with broken relationships. Look around.

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