[NF] Sucking up. How do you feel about it?

[Coeur]

I can gush in my own way [it usually comes off as odd; I'm not a naturally gushy person], but I HATE being untruthful. Sometimes I use a compliment as an opening: "Oh wow, I love your shirt! Where did you get it?" If there was a hint of dishonesty- such as: I had a neutral opinion about the shirt and complimented merely because it was there, even though it didn't make that amazing of an impression on me- I feel like I decieved the other person. I love inspiring confidence in others, however.

 

[Thalassa]

I really loathe kissing up to people, especially if I don't genuinely like them, or if I'm only doing it as my job in a customer service position when some psychopath is throwing a hissy fit in the middle of the store. I have a very hard time sucking up.

However, I have no problem giving gushy compliments to people who I either like, love, or even pity.

I am capable of "sucking up" to get ahead, but I don't like being dishonest. I hate that feeling of being a sales person, unless it's a particularly dire situation where I need money or something serious that can't be obtained any other way.

Popularity is over rated. I want to be liked, and I will defer to other people, but not in any sort of extreme manner. It's just not in me. I'm pretty much against it, actually.

 

[Lady_X]

The concept of sucking up reviles me so much, that I can't even take unnecessary flattery from someone who is sincere... it freaks me out. I only want to be complimented if I truly did something to deserve it, not just for being myself!

aww...that modesty is adorable!

 

[cascadeco]

I can relate to your post, SilkRoad. I prefer either honest, authentic expressions of respect or nothing. Once the sucking up starts, then all communication becomes meaningless. I can't see the point especially because I'm okay not socializing that much and being overlooked. If the only way I would be valued or accepted in a given social circle is to pretend and conform, then that acceptance is meaningless. It makes more sense to me to adopt a new pet and form a real connection.

I do try to find something I sincerely like about most any person, and will compliment them on something if it is true and sincere, but that is especially difficult for me in dynamics based on false compliments for social strategy. If I give a compliment it is real and I don't want it seen as fake and ambitious. Then I end up saying nothing.

And SilkRoad, I related pretty much 100% to the OP. (haven't had time to read the rest of the responses yet!)

 

[Southern Kross]

Ugh, I can't do it - even when its kinda necessary. I completely resent having to conceal my true self and opinions, and I hate that someone might think I am doing so. I rarely give compliments to people because I fear it will sound trite or false. If I'm going to compliment someone I'm going to make it doesn't sound disingenuous or hackneyed. Besides, I'm terrible faking that I'm someone more interesting than I am or that I like something I don't - my true self wants to burst through in its full dorky glory.

I can be nicer that I want to be, but this is more due to the fact that I'm a wuss. I'm rather inept at being unpleasant or brutally honest because I don't like to hurt people's feelings.

 

[nynesneg]

If others sucked up to me, it would get kind of annoying... I'd tell them I like them just for who they are, and they can just be themselves, don't have to impress me. lol.


As for myself... I can't say I consciously suck up to people. I do however cultivate relationships with people, because I just generally like having good relationships with my superiors.

In classes, at work, etc my peers might say I suck up to the teacher/boss. Not sure... But it's never intentional, if I have a good answer, good work, did a good job, I'll tell the person in charge. Generally I'm good at whatever I put alot of energy into, and naturally find common ground to relate to lots of people in some way. Perhaps I speak up because it's a subconscious desire for recognition.

Ugh, I can't do it - even when its kinda necessary.

It's weird, can't say I've ever felt that way - that I needed to suck up to someone. I do throw out random genuine compliments at my boss if I was particularly impressed with something he or our team is doing and I'm in a happy mood. I do dislike things my boss does too, but I don't feel like I should say anything usually. Maybe I have simply never been in a highly political situation?

I love inspiring confidence in others, however.

For sure, although I can't say I particularly think of it that way. Just like making other people feel good if I noticed something they are doing particularly well.