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  1. #11
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    It annoys me.

  2. #12
    Member tsumatachi_san's Avatar
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    I prefer to ask quite directly (but obviously with some people you need to sugar-coat thing a little or they explode at you).

    I can't stand other people sucking up. It's unfair to everyone else - even if people work hard, those that won't get rid of their dignity and suck up to people won't get the same recognition.
    If no one did it, that kind of thing wouldn't happen =.=

  3. #13
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    I have a hard time sucking up as well.

    It seems to be the standard in America culture for women to suck up to each other. I have met girls who are nice in my face and mean behind my back. I don't find these people trustworthy. They do it just in case they need anything from me in the future.

    I'm frustrated as well because I want to be true to myself, but not isolate myself from society. This one of the reasons why I like the African America culture. If the girls don't like you, they will say they don't like you. It makes things for simpler for me because I can do my best to stay out of their way. Less drama equals more happy.

  4. #14
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinebrighter View Post
    I have a hard time sucking up as well.

    It seems to be the standard in America culture for women to suck up to each other. I have met girls who are nice in my face and mean behind my back. I don't find these people trustworthy. They do it just in case they need anything from me in the future.

    I'm frustrated as well because I want to be true to myself, but not isolate myself from society. This one of the reasons why I like the African America culture. If the girls don't like you, they will say they don't like you. It makes things for simpler for me because I can do my best to stay out of their way. Less drama equals more happy.
    Just to add my own little experience I must say, when people describe their high school experiences on the forum, some of it is completely foreign to me. When girls didn't like you when I was in HS, there was no pretending you got eye rolls and very direct, unambiguous messages that they didn't like you. It also lead to more fights and suspensions. I know I got suspended twice in high school for fighting over stupid girl stuff.

    When I got to college and moved into the professional world things got very murky as far as this particular point. I suppose it's out of necessity, you can't always show that you don't like a person.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Just to add my own little experience I must say, when people describe their high school experiences on the forum, some of it is completely foreign to me. When girls didn't like you when I was in HS, there was no pretending you got eye rolls and very direct, unambiguous messages that they didn't like you. It also lead to more fights and suspensions. I know I got suspended twice in high school for fighting over stupid girl stuff.

    When I got to college and moved into the professional world things got very murky as far as this particular point. I suppose it's out of necessity, you can't always show that you don't like a person.
    I wasn't talking about my high school experience. Just like you the murkiness started in college and the professional world. I do believe that they do this to prevent drama and get ahead, but they do it in a way that starts the drama and make people like me uncomfortable.

  6. #16
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinebrighter View Post
    I wasn't talking about my high school experience. Just like you the murkiness started in college and the professional world. I do believe that they do this to prevent drama and get ahead, but they do it in a way that starts the drama and make people like me uncomfortable.
    Sadly, I have found that aspects of life after high school - and even after uni - can be more "high school" in that sense than high school ever was for me...
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  7. #17
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    ^It's called 'politics.' I suck at it..

    My biggest flaw? I cannot force myself to be 'extra' nice to someone whom I cannot respect (if my boundaries get crossed). I can be polite to keep things cordial or professional, but I cannot hang in that situation for extended periods of time.

    I refuse.

    (I admire people who can put on that game-face- especially when it comes to business communication- I wonder how they do it). Bureaucracy is something I'ma have to learn to deal with. Si.

  8. #18
    Junior Member FaithBW's Avatar
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    I also hate sucking up. If I genuinely like you, you will know. I'll be open and friendly to you. If I feel neutral about you, you'll also know (I'm usually pretty cordial and perhaps sometimes friendly but nothing beyond that with people in this category) and if I really don't like you, I'll probably stay away from you as much as possible and be cordial if I have to deal with you at all.

    My husband wishes that I would play "politics" more and learn to put on a "game face" (as VIV put it) but that just is not in my nature. My husband can do it quite well. I cannot. I value genuineness and real connections (even if they are few) over fake connections that are numerous and meant to get you ahead. If I have to get ahead that way, than I would rather stay where I am.

  9. #19
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Yeah- I wouldn't use it to get ahead either.. When it comes to work/office politics, it's hard not to take things personal- you have to just suck it up, not say much, which is kinda hard for me to do. That's what I mean by 'game face.' I admire people who can put up with that crap. I certainly cannot.

  10. #20
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    The concept of sucking up reviles me so much, that I can't even take unnecessary flattery from someone who is sincere... it freaks me out. I only want to be complimented if I truly did something to deserve it, not just for being myself!

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