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  1. #1
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    Default Teaching an INFP to better use Fe

    How might one better discover or utilize their weak Fe (deep down inside)?

    I've been feeling like I'm just shooting in the dark... or inauthentic every time I try.

    One of my friends described it to me as acting, of sorts, and that you just have to imagine the situation. If I try to place myself in someone else's shoes, I feel as though I project my own subjective feelings onto the situation even if I try not to do so. I believe that somehow I can never fully understand the depth of what they are going through, and that I lack the ability (or the focus?) to fully understand their situation and therefore, to fully comfort or help someone in that sense. I would like to help others, but I feel there is not all that much I can do.

    I know it was brought up in another thread previously how INFPs relate things back to themselves, and that is how we understand things. Similarly, if a friend is going through a time period where they need help, I feel I can only try to relate to their situation through my own experiences but never fully get the complete picture (unless they provide plenty of details to help me along, or I know all of the people involved and can come up with an idea of what is happening and how to resolve it). Another way is through something VERY similar happening to me.

    If I have enough detail to paint a good picture of what is happening or happened, I can at least somewhat better relate to how they are feeling. However, I can't quite tell them what to do next once I get to this point. I can offer my opinion but... my advice is usually limited, again, unless it's something with which I've had actual experience.

    I'm incredibly stuck as to how to go about developing this function. Any advice?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think the more people you are involved with in your life, the bigger of a bank of experiences you have to go back to. Sometimes with Fi it seems to me like the hearer of the news is immediately trying to compare it to their experiences mentally, rather than just listening at first. Maybe one of the tricks is just to ask enough questions that the person feels like you are focused on understanding their specific situation, rather than relate one similar to it for possible solutions. Sometimes I think the emotions a Fi user feels at hearing something can overshadow the actually information that's being relayed and how it is impacting the people involved. That's just a stab in the dark, but how it seems maybe from my perspective. Would you say too that Fe imposes itself a little more on people, while Fi tends to sit back and give people space?

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Much of this can be remedied by more use of Ne. Work on connecting things that seem unrelated, seeing patterns, and imagining yourself in a foreign situation and how you think you might react/feel.

    Acknowledging you cannot fully know what another person is feeling is simply being honest. It's better not to assume too much anyway. I know for us, since we want to heal, it can be frustrating to not be able to give some perspective to people that helps them reach a solution, but listening gives a lot of comfort in itself.

    As for Fe, I suck at it also. I think we may be better of trying to extrovert any Fi warmth through Ne somehow. Although I seem a little air-heady when I do that (no offense ENFPs ).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think the more people you are involved with in your life, the bigger of a bank of experiences you have to go back to. Sometimes with Fi it seems to me like the hearer of the news is immediately trying to compare it to their experiences mentally, rather than just listening at first. Maybe one of the tricks is just to ask enough questions that the person feels like you are focused on understanding their specific situation, rather than relate one similar to it for possible solutions. Sometimes I think the emotions a Fi user feels at hearing something can overshadow the actually information that's being relayed and how it is impacting the people involved. That's just a stab in the dark, but how it seems maybe from my perspective. Would you say too that Fe imposes itself a little more on people, while Fi tends to sit back and give people space?

    I agree with you. That's a good question as well... hmm. I was going to say in my case that my limited use of Fe is imposing (because I tend to assume things), but I think I'm just confusing Fe with my Fi. I wind up projecting onto other people what I think they are feeling.... or is that Fe? In any case, it is usually WAY off the mark...

    I find it works much better if someone just talks me through exactly how they are feeling so that I have no room for assumption.

    I agree that Fi can sit back and give people space but... at the same time, isn't Fi supposed to be more judgmental and Fe more unbiased (in which case, you get more breathing room as an individual)?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Much of this can be remedied by more use of Ne. Work on connecting things that seem unrelated, seeing patterns, and imagining yourself in a foreign situation and how you think you might react/feel.

    Acknowledging you cannot fully know what another person is feeling is simply being honest. It's better not to assume too much anyway. I know for us, since we want to heal, it can be frustrating to not be able to give some perspective to people that helps them reach a solution, but listening gives a lot of comfort in itself.

    As for Fe, I suck at it also. I think we may be better of trying to extrovert any Fi warmth through Ne somehow. Although I seem a little air-heady when I do that (no offense ENFPs ).
    Okay hmm... I'll try working on my Ne.

    I think at times my Ne goes way too overboard, connecting two things that are incredibly unrelated in some strange and ridiculous way. Other times, I feel it has barely lifted off the ground, and that I am thinking WAY too literally. How to find a good balance between the two extremes...

    I know this is a stupid question, but how can someone tell when Fi warmth is being projected through Ne? Is it through our relating things from other people backwards to us? How does it manifest in an interaction?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    Okay hmm... I'll try working on my Ne.

    I think at times my Ne goes way too overboard, connecting two things that are incredibly unrelated in some strange and ridiculous way. Other times, I feel it has barely lifted off the ground, and that I am thinking WAY too literally. How to find a good balance between the two extremes...

    I know this is a stupid question, but how can someone tell when Fi warmth is being projected through Ne? Is it through our relating things from other people backwards to us? How does it manifest in an interaction?
    Hmm, in a serious conversation, I do not jump to relating verbally unless asked about myself or my opinion directly. I think I mentioned in some other thread that I hate "one-upping" and steer clear of doing it myself.

    So personally, I mainly ask a lot of questions (which Ne is great at), but they can be leading questions to help someone realize the truth (because yes, we make conclusions with Fi). I may have a hypothesis forming in my mind, and I adjust it as I get more info. It sounds like you do that too, from your comments about needing more info from people. This does several things: they get to vent and feel better, you're showing personal interest, and you're getting more needed info to evaluate.

    Okay, as for warmth, this is what I find hard also. I tend to detach emotionally so my mind is clear, which means I might seem cold. Anyhow, I find that relating what I imagine I would feel without talking about myself works, like, "I am so sorry. I imagine that must be very painful", instead of, "I am so sorry. Such and such happened to me once, and it was very painful, so I can kind of understand." Just edit yourself out .

    And like I said, asking questions goes a long way in showing concern also, as does legitimizing their feelings when they state them, like, "It's natural to feel that way." Even if the feeling is destructive, you can get them to see that by questioning them and gently leading them to realize a solution.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    ^ That's interesting..I tend to do the same as you, when I 'interrogate' people. And, I'll get cold and detached, but ONLY if the subject matter is that complicated or, if it is that interesting that I get completely enthused, which makes me sorta forget about the person involved.

    However, usually this is not the case, and then I'll focus on having the person vent, and how they feel, especially in the beginning, sticking only to sympathetic and supportive answers to encourage them to continue and feel safe. As you're still getting the main story like this, I find it's best to let them tell it their way, while you mentally figure out which parts are relevant and which are not. That's why I love getting people to rant, and some of the INTs are incredibly obnoxious about doing that

    After that, they've been able to vent, so they feel listened to, and they've had a chance to process their emotions. Then I start asking guided questions to get more info, and more context about the situation. By this time I have a pretty good oversight and I'm mapping out the details to make sure I don't make any wrongful assumptions. Then I doublecheck my assumptions. Once I've done that, I start with either suggestions, and if those don't help, I'll ask questions, like yourself, to help them realize things, depending on the problem/topic.

    So I'm wondering, if the first part is Fe? I score pretty high on Fe, though I live and breathe Fi, so I never know where one ends and the other picks up.
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  8. #8
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Well the times that I "Fe" are with people with whom I respect in some way. By this I mean I say something that will purely make them feel better or just do justice to the given situation to give a much better outcome rather than just saying the first thing that comes to mind that would possibly offend or have a negative reaction. I feel like I'm shooting in the dark and being ingenuine, but it's worth doing, especially when you have a good response.

    I don't think that knowing what to do to help someone in an emotional way is really Fe... various types each have their ways of helping emotionally. I know that I'm good at this, and my Fe is my least used process.

    Similarly, if a friend is going through a time period where they need help, I feel I can only try to relate to their situation through my own experiences but never fully get the complete picture (unless they provide plenty of details to help me along, or I know all of the people involved and can come up with an idea of what is happening and how to resolve it). Another way is through something VERY similar happening to me.
    This is exactly what you need to do (bolded). Don't be afraid to ask questions. I'd be totally left in the dark if I didn't have the details of situations, use extroverted perception and form a solution to the situation in your head. Ask as many things as you need, take various things into consideration, etc.

    One thing that has always helped me in these situations is to consider the importance of things to people. Just any situation where you're trying to help, consider what it means to the OTHER person, and how the events and just the situation as a whole is effecting the other person. For me, I have to seemingly mentally use an emergency brake, I have to totally shift gears to even be able to do this. I do believe that this is how Fe manifests itself in me. But it feels difficult to do, like I have to dust off a strange and unusual tool in my toolshed to solve a specific problem. The tool isn't really used much and I don't have as much of a hold on it as I'd like to, but it's still there.

    Here's a question, do you have a specific problem? Just having an idea of "lacking Fe" is hard for me to answer... and as you can see I can only relate it to myself. But it seems like you and I are similar in this regard.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  9. #9
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    ^ Agreed on the 'thinking how it is for the other person'. I forgot to mention that, but as I go through all the info they've given me, I'll automatically let that intertwine with the background info I have on them: what they're like, how they are different from me, what their past is like, why they are likely to respond the way they're doing now, considering the previous factors, etc. This is kinda vital, otherwise you risk completely missing the mark...which has happened to me when I was younger, or when I skip a few steps in the process, coz I'm tired, impatient and generally not very stable myself. I also always end up regretting that

    Short cuts are just a no no, ime
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  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    ^ Agreed on the 'thinking how it is for the other person'. I forgot to mention that, but as I go through all the info they've given me, I'll automatically let that intertwine with the background info I have on them: what they're like, how they are different from me, what their past is like, why they are likely to respond the way they're doing now, considering the previous factors, etc. This is kinda vital, otherwise you risk completely missing the mark...which has happened to me when I was younger, or when I skip a few steps in the process, coz I'm tired, impatient and generally not very stable myself. I also always end up regretting that
    Oh yes, definitely . Yet another side of the issue.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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