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  1. #11
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    Thanks for all of the advice so far, everyone. This is really helpful.

    Summarized Tips:

    -Focus on letting the other person vent first. Let them get their emotions off of their chest.

    -Try to listen first, not just relate via your own experiences. This way you are not placing your own assumptions or viewpoints onto another person's experience.

    -Ask lots of questions, gather many details; this will emphasize your interest in the other person and in truly understanding their problem.

    -Consider how important your help may be to the other person.

    -Remember it is about the other person and not yourself.


    Please let me know what I am missing or what I have misunderstood and not written correctly here.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  2. #12
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    As someone who has lots of Fi and a little Fe, what I've learned as I've matured is that with my Fi I'm ALWAYS going to relate everything back to myself, so in order to use Fe I usually just let the other person talk, I listen, I offer help if needed, and make an effort to reciprocate in some tangible manner i.e. if an Fe-dom friend is a gift-giver, I make sure to give a gift back because I know that means something to them.

    Trying to understand what they're going through and relating your own experience can be a mistake. When someone else truly needs help, just be and focus out and support. Keeping my mouth shut usually is the best way to go, just trying to be helpful without inserting my ego.

    That's what I see as the value in Fe, and how I'm able to use it.

    Otherwise I'm pretty much against it. I think a lot of Fe is a bunch of fake, unnecessary, energy wasting bullshit, but there goes my Fi talking.

  3. #13
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    It was nice to read this in a way because I get criticized a lot for asking too many questions. I get told that this is very irritating, and that I should be able to just know the things that I ask about by looking inside myself, but my inside is not wired like theirs evidently.

    Actually this is one of the main reasons that I like to visit forums like this one. I am collecting patterns that help me predict, and identify others problems and behavior, without needing to ask for it so much. My Ne in cahoots with my Si seems to be very good at automatic learning. I just read posts, and it all just sticks, accumulating along associations. I call it building filters that help me translate across personality differences. Also I have learned that the more random knowledge that I put into my Si, the better my intuition is able to solve problems when they are encountered.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by will5250 View Post
    It was nice to read this in a way because I get criticized a lot for asking too many questions. I get told that this is very irritating, and that I should be able to just know the things that I ask about by looking inside myself, but my inside is not wired like theirs evidently.

    Actually this is one of the main reasons that I like to visit forums like this one. I am collecting patterns that help me predict, and identify others problems and behavior, without needing to ask for it so much. My Ne in cahoots with my Si seems to be very good at automatic learning. I just read posts, and it all just sticks, accumulating along associations. I call it building filters that help me translate across personality differences. Also I have learned that the more random knowledge that I put into my Si, the better my intuition is able to solve problems when they are encountered.



  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by will5250 View Post
    It was nice to read this in a way because I get criticized a lot for asking too many questions. I get told that this is very irritating, and that I should be able to just know the things that I ask about by looking inside myself, but my inside is not wired like theirs evidently.

    Actually this is one of the main reasons that I like to visit forums like this one. I am collecting patterns that help me predict, and identify others problems and behavior, without needing to ask for it so much. My Ne in cahoots with my Si seems to be very good at automatic learning. I just read posts, and it all just sticks, accumulating along associations. I call it building filters that help me translate across personality differences. Also I have learned that the more random knowledge that I put into my Si, the better my intuition is able to solve problems when they are encountered.
    My SO and I have had more than a few hiccups where I would tell him something and he wouldnt say a word, then later it would come up again and he had a totally different interpretation of what I said. I WISH he would ask more questions but it was pounded into him not to do it. It's almost like he is/was scared that I would bite his head off for just asking.

    I want to strangle whoever told him not to ask so many questions.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tewt View Post
    My SO and I have had more than a few hiccups where I would tell him something and he wouldnt say a word, then later it would come up again and he had a totally different interpretation of what I said. I WISH he would ask more questions but it was pounded into him not to do it. It's almost like he is/was scared that I would bite his head off for just asking.

    I want to strangle whoever told him not to ask so many questions.
    You remind me of another observation. Its all English, but people of different types speak in different languages. The same words can illicit different contexts for people of different types, which can lead to many opportunities for communication problems; case in point, yours.

    Additionally I have a learning disability called Auditory Processing Disorder, which causes me to intermittently not hear the same word as what was spoken. The hearing problem is in the brain instead of in the ears. This on top of the other makes it imperative that I ask questions, or else tune out because I cannot follow the meaning of the conversation otherwise. Its really hard to just sit there with a straight face when what I am understanding is making no sense. Sometimes when I'm listening to a lecture, or a group conversation where it's inconvenient to ask, I will consider two or three potential intended contexts in my mind weighing them against what is being said as the conversation progresses, until one of them starts to make sense, or the others become totally absurd. I've done this many times to avoid having to ask.

  7. #17
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Oh, I will also add, that if you use your Fi to relate to someone with your own experiences, I've found it useful to a) wait till they're done venting and b) always, ALWAYS finish your story by STATING why it was similar or relevant to the original topic aka their situation, and how you can understand that it must be hard for THEM. For the most part of my life, I assumed it was implied. It is NOT to other people, and they 'll often misunderstand it for you being self-centered and not willing to listen, and attentionwhoring.


    Just my two cents.
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Oh, I will also add, that if you use your Fi to relate to someone with your own experiences, I've found it useful to a) wait till they're done venting and b) always, ALWAYS finish your story by STATING why it was similar or relevant to the original topic aka their situation, and how you can understand that it must be hard for THEM. For the most part of my life, I assumed it was implied. It is NOT to other people, and they 'll often misunderstand it for you being self-centered and not willing to listen, and attentionwhoring.


    Just my two cents.
    This is very important too. Most folks are not viewing the world through their intuition the way we do. They won't see the connection so easily as we do.

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I want to emphasize that relating things back to something you personally know/understand is not a bad thing. It only sounds "selfish" to people who don't understand the process. Fe people are as guilty of talking about themselves (ESFJs are the worst, IMO) as a way to try and comfort ("I have it worse, so feel better"). It doesn't have to be done verbally if that's not directly helpful, and it doesn't mean you are not listening (I do it almost unconscionably). It's what make us empathetic, and it's a positive thing when that feeling is evident to people through personal interest, patient listening, and useful insight.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think the more people you are involved with in your life, the bigger of a bank of experiences you have to go back to. Sometimes with Fi it seems to me like the hearer of the news is immediately trying to compare it to their experiences mentally, rather than just listening at first. Maybe one of the tricks is just to ask enough questions that the person feels like you are focused on understanding their specific situation, rather than relate one similar to it for possible solutions. Sometimes I think the emotions a Fi user feels at hearing something can overshadow the actually information that's being relayed and how it is impacting the people involved. That's just a stab in the dark, but how it seems maybe from my perspective. Would you say too that Fe imposes itself a little more on people, while Fi tends to sit back and give people space?
    A great post!

    To repeat what others have already said, simply ask a lot of questions. Get as much information as possible. Listen to what they are actually saying, and try not to project what you yourself would feel in the situation they're describing onto them, as they in reality might be experiencing an entirely different set of emotions than you would in the same situation.

    Something I catch myself doing rather often, and I think this is where, if not careful, Fe can lead to rather unclear boundaries and can weaken the sense of ones own identity (although as an Fi dom, you won't have this problem ): when listening to someone, I might be thinking, 'If I were them, with their personality, I could totally see why they would feel what they're feeling and would behave the way they're behaving.' So it ultimately has nothing to do with what I would do in a certain situation, or how I would react/feel. We're two entirely different beings, with entirely different thoughts, feelings, approaches to life, etc. It's all about learning enough about the other person, and how they tick, and from there understanding their psychae a bit better.
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