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Thread: INFP Attraction

  1. #41
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    INFP in a committed long term relationship? This one rode to the very end - I couldn't have done it any other way.

    Different thought: Trust is when I can allow myself to get mad at you and you won't go away.

  2. #42
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Nah, I like to argue. Thank you everybody, but especially Woodsy; I've come to value your experience in these forums.
    Love is the point.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    We can talk about things, we just have to feel safe to be that vulnerable.
    Exactly. I am extremely open about EVERYTHING if we're close. I can't keep anything inside. However, I hesitate to start unnecessary conflict. So, the less personally you take my complaints/concerns and the more that you actually consider what I say, the more likely I will be to open up to you. Hiding things hurts relationships because it causes resentment in yourself and suspicion in the other person.

    Different thought: Trust is when I can allow myself to get mad at you and you won't go away.
    Yes, yes, yes. If I bring up a concern with you, it means that I value our relationship enough that I'll risk conflict for it. Take it as a huge compliment. Speaking of which, if you see that big display of trust, and use it to become infuriated with me [just for bringing it up], or if you blow it off, how much do you think that benefits the relationship? It doesn't.
    Everybody needs love.

  4. #44
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    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    <<The biggest thing I'd be afraid of with dating (, courting, marrying) an INFP is their affinity for not telling you what they really think of you. I know how wrapped up I can get with that type; I really don't want to be thinking everything's okay when suddenly, someday, I come home to an empty house and a heartfelt, but bruising, and tear-stained note about how you couldn't take it anymore. I don't think I could stand the heartbreak, I'd super-blame myself and probably would date again for another decade, if ever. It hurts to even consider that. >>


    what does INFP like? ENFJ.

    I don't think running away is down to immaturity but just evidence of how intense the relationship is, I've bailed a few times .. and realised afterwards how hurtful it was but at the time thought, he is ENFJ, he can cheer himself up or go out and have fun and distract himself, whereas I get swamped without a clear plan for how to recover.. and I think maybe the seriousness of completely disappearing should make it clear that I'm obviously really involved in this and not coping very well or behaving 'properly', it isn't a gradual fading out of little consequence.

    And talking.. I don't want to be the one raining on the parade (that ENFJ organised and built by hand and hosted and invited everyone to), or create 'trouble' and know that ENFJ doesn't want to hear negative stuff in that respect, sure they'll help with your problems if there's enough distance from themselves, but its like an earthquake or something when its related to your relationship and his feelings like a new dimension of unpredictability and.. fear,

    and I think there's also a sort of confidence, possibly misplaced, that the INFP thinks they have thought through everything and need the other's input only as a last resort, or verbal input I should say, just because there aren't words communication is crystal clear.. almost, or the delusion of the INFP that their version of events and emotions is perfectly accurate and there's no need to have an unpleasant conversation,

    ENFJ in the past has always been pushing me to talk, but it seems a bit cheap in a way, why do we need to explicitly say what is already understood? and understood on a much *higher, or rare level. But for me I don't know about other INFPs the idea of an amazing ENFJ being interested in them is still a bit hard to swallow, everyone loves ENFJ, but for ENFJ to love INFP out of everybody? it seems unlikely, but maybe healthy INFP has enough esteem to accept it. definitely feel pressure to live up to ENFJ expectations and when it gets too much or feel like i've failed feel like i want to hide it from them because i respect them so much and don't want them to think worse of me or be disappointed.

    and this is deep-seated ..possibly 'childish' reactions, that only come out because we are so connected, I would never be so impolite or callous to somebody who i felt clear-headed around, i definitely feel a loss of control around ENFJ. but yeah there seems an element of danger with INFP ENFJ but i think it is worth the risk as the highs are extraordinary.

    but if all that has been gone through, and a commitment made then thats it, you're stuck with them.

    [caveat: they still may run away sometimes but know they're always going to be coming back]

  5. #45
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    I am attracted to a strong, healthy, classy, sexy, intelligent, and mature person who is not afraid to talk deeply and passionately about themselves. I don't know if this applies to INFP's, but it's what attracts me.

  6. #46
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Great Pins, now I'm all mush again. Thank you for the kind words, and the perspective.
    I've never heard anybody describe an ENFJ like that before...
    Love is the point.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Exactly. I tried going back to INFP and I knew that I was right in ISFP... and it didn't feel right at all. I only lasted like half a day.
    I feel as though I'm drifting between ISFP and INFP at times. I can't really tell... what made ISFP a sure fit to you?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  8. #48
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jtanSis1 View Post
    I am attracted to a strong, healthy, classy, sexy, intelligent, and mature person who is not afraid to talk deeply and passionately about themselves. I don't know if this applies to INFP's, but it's what attracts me.
    That's an ENFJ...or an ENTJ.
    Love is the point.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    The biggest thing I'd be afraid of with dating (, courting, marrying) an INFP is their affinity for not telling you what they really think of you.
    Well, I know if I'm completely enamored with someone, I can't shut the hell up. I drive my friends nuts, talking about him all the time. (And I write really corny notes that I try to make sound all on-the-fly and insignificant to the object of my affection, when in fact I've been obsessing about the note and rewriting it for a good ten hours. And I basically bug the hell out of him.)

    If things are good and stable, I'll be silent, but still physically present. If things are crap, I'll be both silent and physically absent.

    That's how you know.

  10. #50
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    I too consider words very well when I write them to someone I care for.
    Love is the point.

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