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[INFP] INFP Attraction

WoodsWoman

New member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
778
MBTI Type
INFP
INFP in a committed long term relationship? This one rode to the very end - I couldn't have done it any other way.

Different thought: Trust is when I can allow myself to get mad at you and you won't go away.
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Nah, I like to argue. ;) Thank you everybody, but especially Woodsy; I've come to value your experience in these forums.
 

Coeur

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
237
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
We can talk about things, we just have to feel safe to be that vulnerable.

Exactly. I am extremely open about EVERYTHING if we're close. I can't keep anything inside. However, I hesitate to start unnecessary conflict. So, the less personally you take my complaints/concerns and the more that you actually consider what I say, the more likely I will be to open up to you. Hiding things hurts relationships because it causes resentment in yourself and suspicion in the other person.

Different thought: Trust is when I can allow myself to get mad at you and you won't go away.

Yes, yes, yes. If I bring up a concern with you, it means that I value our relationship enough that I'll risk conflict for it. Take it as a huge compliment. Speaking of which, if you see that big display of trust, and use it to become infuriated with me [just for bringing it up], or if you blow it off, how much do you think that benefits the relationship? It doesn't.
 

pinballs

New member
Joined
Sep 4, 2009
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFP
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<<The biggest thing I'd be afraid of with dating (, courting, marrying) an INFP is their affinity for not telling you what they really think of you. I know how wrapped up I can get with that type; I really don't want to be thinking everything's okay when suddenly, someday, I come home to an empty house and a heartfelt, but bruising, and tear-stained note about how you couldn't take it anymore. I don't think I could stand the heartbreak, I'd super-blame myself and probably would date again for another decade, if ever. It hurts to even consider that. >>

:(
what does INFP like? ENFJ.

I don't think running away is down to immaturity but just evidence of how intense the relationship is, I've bailed a few times .. and realised afterwards how hurtful it was but at the time thought, he is ENFJ, he can cheer himself up or go out and have fun and distract himself, whereas I get swamped without a clear plan for how to recover.. and I think maybe the seriousness of completely disappearing should make it clear that I'm obviously really involved in this and not coping very well or behaving 'properly', it isn't a gradual fading out of little consequence.

And talking.. I don't want to be the one raining on the parade (that ENFJ organised and built by hand and hosted and invited everyone to), or create 'trouble' and know that ENFJ doesn't want to hear negative stuff in that respect, sure they'll help with your problems if there's enough distance from themselves, but its like an earthquake or something when its related to your relationship and his feelings like a new dimension of unpredictability and.. fear,

and I think there's also a sort of confidence, possibly misplaced, that the INFP thinks they have thought through everything and need the other's input only as a last resort, or verbal input I should say, just because there aren't words communication is crystal clear.. almost, or the delusion of the INFP that their version of events and emotions is perfectly accurate and there's no need to have an unpleasant conversation,

ENFJ in the past has always been pushing me to talk, but it seems a bit cheap in a way, why do we need to explicitly say what is already understood? and understood on a much *higher, or rare level. But for me I don't know about other INFPs the idea of an amazing ENFJ being interested in them is still a bit hard to swallow, everyone loves ENFJ, but for ENFJ to love INFP out of everybody? it seems unlikely, but maybe healthy INFP has enough esteem to accept it. definitely feel pressure to live up to ENFJ expectations and when it gets too much or feel like i've failed feel like i want to hide it from them because i respect them so much and don't want them to think worse of me or be disappointed.

and this is deep-seated ..possibly 'childish' reactions, that only come out because we are so connected, I would never be so impolite or callous to somebody who i felt clear-headed around, i definitely feel a loss of control around ENFJ. but yeah there seems an element of danger with INFP ENFJ but i think it is worth the risk as the highs are extraordinary.

but if all that has been gone through, and a commitment made then thats it, you're stuck with them. :)

[caveat: they still may run away sometimes but know they're always going to be coming back]
 

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
I am attracted to a strong, healthy, classy, sexy, intelligent, and mature person who is not afraid to talk deeply and passionately about themselves. I don't know if this applies to INFP's, but it's what attracts me.
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Great Pins, now I'm all mush again. Thank you for the kind words, and the perspective. :)
I've never heard anybody describe an ENFJ like that before...:shock: :hug:
 

TheEmeraldCanopy

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2009
Messages
280
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Exactly. I tried going back to INFP and I knew that I was right in ISFP... and it didn't feel right at all. I only lasted like half a day. :D

I feel as though I'm drifting between ISFP and INFP at times. I can't really tell... what made ISFP a sure fit to you?
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I am attracted to a strong, healthy, classy, sexy, intelligent, and mature person who is not afraid to talk deeply and passionately about themselves. I don't know if this applies to INFP's, but it's what attracts me.

That's an ENFJ...or an ENTJ.
 
B

brainheart

Guest
The biggest thing I'd be afraid of with dating (, courting, marrying) an INFP is their affinity for not telling you what they really think of you.

Well, I know if I'm completely enamored with someone, I can't shut the hell up. I drive my friends nuts, talking about him all the time. (And I write really corny notes that I try to make sound all on-the-fly and insignificant to the object of my affection, when in fact I've been obsessing about the note and rewriting it for a good ten hours. And I basically bug the hell out of him.)

If things are good and stable, I'll be silent, but still physically present. If things are crap, I'll be both silent and physically absent.

That's how you know.
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I too consider words very well when I write them to someone I care for.
 

Banana

New member
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
32
MBTI Type
INFP
Hmmm. I may be an odd person to answer this, but why not? I test an INFP pretty consistently at this point, but for work situations, where I either mimic or meld into an XNFX - borderline ENFJ.

At work, I can get along with anybody but cruel/domineering types, which encompasses all myers briggs since cruelty is just a perversion of the self.

I am a 100% "N", so the S placement can be uncomfoortable but interesting - incompatible, though.

In my private life, I am attracted to depth, originality + kindness and strength, weirdness, privacy and people who have genuine relationships, but not so many that I am forced to socialize a lot. People who say things others won't, but express themselves fully in expression - silence, humor, art, scientific pursuits, writing - these are the people I have fallen for, other than a sprinkling of TJs that excited but ultimately offended even as they stirred me up :)

Hope this helps :)
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Hmmm, hard to explain. I know what I want but defining it is difficult. And I'm afraid of falling into the trap that most people do where they say what they think they want (eg. kind, sensitive) and not what they really want (a bad boy with a motorbike). I'll give it a go.

In terms of behaviour/interaction:
- somewhat forward, will pursue me - (as said earlier) I need to know for sure that you like me.
- relaxed/laid back approach
- quietly confident
- easy to converse with - when we can just talk about all sorts of interesting things for hours on end.
- makes me feel understood - I want someone who gets me (because almost no one does)
- makes me feel encouraged - to go places and do things I have long wanted to do but lacked the nerve
- makes me feel safe/comfortable to be myself - otherwise I'm wound up tight like a spring
- nice guy manner - warm, friendly, pleasant, gets along with a sorts of people
- indirectly romantic - not in a sentimental, mushy or cliched way

In terms of personality:
- Kind and considerate with others
- loyal, moral and honest
- authenticity of character
- common interests - particularly having similar taste in music and film but also wide general interests
- a sense of humour - witty is sexy :yes: (but not too much - needs to be able to be serious too)
- interest in the world - politics, issues, events etc
- un-superficial
- open and non-judgemental
- intelligent
- more organized, steady, and on to it than me :newwink:
- patient and able to adapt, compromise when neccessary

I think this might be an ENFJ? :D
 

briochick

half-nut member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
633
MBTI Type
eNFP
Enneagram
;)
Instinctual Variant
sx
I would say in theory that every type is attractive in their own way.
I have found that I often don't like NF men *that way*.
Anyone who is 100% S is going to have conflict with me.
Anyone who's 100% any function will probably have problems *getting me*, because I tend to see things from many angles, and have an "appalling" tendency to point them out.
As for individual functions...they're all useful and have pros and cons.
I want someone who is not like me, but gets me. Or, if they don't get me, appreciate my uniqueness and love me.
I like someone who likes to spend time with me but doesn't need to be around me all the time, even if they're in love.
And someone who will at least pretend to listen, if not genuinely listen.
Who will support my endeavors, and won't get too pissed off about navel-gazing.
Who doesn't need to be status quo.
Who isn't over emotional and can help me calm down when I am (ie. not crying too and not yelling at me).
and won't make fun of me for having strong morals.
...What type is that?
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
Enneagram
3w4
I'm attracted to guys with passion and intrigue. ENFJs definitely fit that criteria well.
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I would say in theory that every type is attractive in their own way.
I have found that I often don't like NF men *that way*.
Anyone who is 100% S is going to have conflict with me.
Anyone who's 100% any function will probably have problems *getting me*, because I tend to see things from many angles, and have an "appalling" tendency to point them out.
As for individual functions...they're all useful and have pros and cons.
I want someone who is not like me, but gets me. Or, if they don't get me, appreciate my uniqueness and love me.
I like someone who likes to spend time with me but doesn't need to be around me all the time, even if they're in love.
And someone who will at least pretend to listen, if not genuinely listen.
Who will support my endeavors, and won't get too pissed off about navel-gazing.
Who doesn't need to be status quo.
Who isn't over emotional and can help me calm down when I am (ie. not crying too and not yelling at me).
and won't make fun of me for having strong morals.
...What type is that?
Yeah, you seem to address the sorts of problems I have. You hit the nail on the head with the comment about how INFPs try to see things from all points of view. We try to understand people from their own perspective rather than a single fixed one. People rarely do us the same justice as we do them and this reduces their ability to understand us. Understanding us is so important, if not the most important thing. If there isn't understanding, every other quality and personality trait is completely irrelevant. I guess in my mind if you can truly understand me (and still manage to like me), everything else will follow.

I guess it sounds so pathetic to whinge that 'nobody gets me' :cry: but its the pure and simple truth. INFPs don't really fit into boxes easily - we don't adhere to straight-forward rules of behaviour. Its not easy to see why we behave as we do, let alone forgive us for it. How can I be with someone if they are unable to comprehend me? How could they be expected to know what I need from a relationship? I don't expect them to be psychic or anything, but they need to come from a position of openess and sensitivity.

And yay for passion and intrigue Thessaly! :yes:
 

Cranky

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
240
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Shall I grace you with a poem about your kind and heartfelt affection:violin:

That's funny until you realize I actually F$%^ing WROTE love poetry for the last six months, got dropped by Mr. INFP, and now have absolutely nothing to do with reams of perfectly good paper marred with seventeen rhyming couplets apiece, all of which pair such immortal words as "fire/desire", "death/breath", and "moon/soon."

I never said it was GOOD love poetry.

Well, actually one was funny--and not in the OhGodPleaseSomebodyScoopMyEyesOutWithASporkBecauseICan'tUnseeThat kind of way. I might save that one for further adaptation.

EEEEeewwww.
 
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