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[INFJ] ENTJ wants to meet INFJs...where?

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
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ENTJs and ENTPs would start brawling, although I can see that as an opportunity for the INTPs and ENFPs to smash and grab what's left.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
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It seems like Te and Fe would conflict, and that they would have to realize and accept that the other had very different judging styles.

ENTJs and ENTPs would start brawling, although I can see that as an opportunity for the INTPs and ENFPs to smash and grab what's left.

-I actually know an ESTJ guy and an ESFJ guy who are room mates and good friends (i was just at their place last night!)...they seem to work just fine.

-Proteo I quoted because I often like her posts, and i remember getting some good reps when she understands mine (shes Fe dom).


1. I do have "in general" a history of clashing with EXFJ females. However, the ones that im friends with, I tend to get along with really well.

2. If dom Te and Fe can coexist, I see no reason that dom Te and aux Fe cant coexist.

3. The Ni connection is what really makes the NJ romance work.

4. ive experienced it...so i know it can work.

5. i think they are probably my last hope with Ns besides another ENTJ....if operation NJ fails, then ill go ISFJ or ISTP (partially kidding here).

6. as for ENTPs...they can suck it :devil:
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
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INFJs can be found almost anywhere where there are opportunities to observe people and where they feel safe/interested in joining in at some juncture. For sports, you should look less towards team sports and more towards things like tennis, badminton, running, hiking, wallclimbing.

For me: school, ESL volunteering, taking a class that interests me, library/bookstore, walking, music groups of various kinds, seeing live music or theatre, coffee shops, conferences, travelling - those would be the kinds of venues I'd be in, but I think there's a pretty wide range, depending on what that particular INFJ feels passionate about.

I find ENTJs very interesting and I really admire their creativity and drive, but I would worry that they'd expect me to be a rose in their lapel a lot of the time, facilitating their dreams. I'd really rather share something and work on it together, but I'm not sure if that's their natural bent. I also need someone who can be vulnerable some of the time and let me in on what's going on internally from time to time. I think that would require finding a fairly mature ENTJ who has had opportuny to see the value in that and practice it. I have learned a lot though and think I understand how to interact better than I used to with TJs. Any particular bumps along the way that you experienced Babylon Candle?
 

lane777

nevermore
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
635
Why not right, here?

I can't imagine many INFJ's would go for that. I can only tolerate impersonal communication such as this - or phone calls for so long. I need to be in the presence of another to keep me engaged for extended periods of time.

To the OP: The only places you will often find me alone is the bookstore/library (sorry to mention it, but it's really your best bet), music store, or church. Other than that, I'll be with someone for shopping, going out to some coffee shop, festival, or museum.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
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I can't imagine many INFJ's would go for that. I can only tolerate impersonal communication such as this - or phone calls for so long. I need to be in the presence of another to keep me engaged for extended periods of time.

To the OP: The only places you will often find me alone is the bookstore/library (sorry to mention it, but it's really your best bet), music store, or church. Other than that, I'll be with someone for shopping, going out to some coffee shop, festival, or museum.

im a library regular right now...im sure that when uni ends and i have $ --> ill simply become a book store regular.

i tend to spend all of my time in the non fiction sections...will this compromise Operation INFJ Search?
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
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infj
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9w1
INFJs can be found almost anywhere where there are opportunities to observe people and where they feel safe/interested in joining in at some juncture. For sports, you should look less towards team sports and more towards things like tennis, badminton, running, hiking, wallclimbing.

For me: school, ESL volunteering, taking a class that interests me, library/bookstore, walking, music groups of various kinds, seeing live music or theatre, coffee shops, conferences, travelling - those would be the kinds of venues I'd be in, but I think there's a pretty wide range, depending on what that particular INFJ feels passionate about.

I find ENTJs very interesting and I really admire their creativity and drive, but I would worry that they'd expect me to be a rose in their lapel a lot of the time, facilitating their dreams. I'd really rather share something and work on it together, but I'm not sure if that's their natural bent. I also need someone who can be vulnerable some of the time and let me in on what's going on internally from time to time. I think that would require finding a fairly mature ENTJ who has had opportuny to see the value in that and practice it. I have learned a lot though and think I understand how to interact better than I used to with TJs. Any particular bumps along the way that you experienced Babylon Candle?

I think of myself as a good support worker. As long as I felt the ENTJ's goal was worthwhile I would work on it when I had the time. I think the main buff an ENTJ would have with me would be if I don't work on their goal as much as they do or not always agreeing with their goal. If we can get over that and the NJ 'click' lasts I think there is potential.
 

lane777

nevermore
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
635
im a library regular right now...im sure that when uni ends and i have $ --> ill simply become a book store regular.

i tend to spend all of my time in the non fiction sections...will this compromise Operation INFJ Search?

Nope, I like biographies a lot!

That and everything else... I'm an information hoar so pretty much any book will do.

How To Become A Millionaire... I'm not a huge fan of money but this could be interesting Twilight Ugh, the movie sucked. Let's see if the book is any better *reads 3 sentences* ...nope. *feels encouraged about personal book project* Horoscopes... fascinating bullshit. Football Wow, I hate it. Would be nice to know the rules of the game though. etc.

That's me in a bookstore - reading a few pages from as many books as I can get my hands on.
 
Last edited:

Lux

Kraken down on piracy
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
1,458
My ENTJ husband and I met in the bookstore/coffee shop I worked in :)
 

Nyx

New member
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Jul 31, 2009
Messages
444
I know the bookstore thing is cliche but it is so true! I go to the bookstore at least once a week by myself. Most of my spare money is spent on books. I spend the most time in the nonfiction section ;). Sometimes venturing off to look at poetry. I am usually looking at cultural studies/religion/history books :)

ENTJs have always had a knack for finding me at parties. (sitting and watching everyone, drink in hand or being weird and looking at the stuff in the house like pictures, music, mail...I have a habit of looking through people's personal things at parties but only if I don't know them. Humans are so interesting.) They are also very sexually aggressive towards me. Which actually doesn't bother me when it comes from an ENTJ because they are usually smart/interesting as well.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
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INFJs can be found almost anywhere where there are opportunities to observe people and where they feel safe/interested in joining in at some juncture. For sports, you should look less towards team sports and more towards things like tennis, badminton, running, hiking, wallclimbing.

For me: school, ESL volunteering, taking a class that interests me, library/bookstore, walking, music groups of various kinds, seeing live music or theatre, coffee shops, conferences, travelling - those would be the kinds of venues I'd be in, but I think there's a pretty wide range, depending on what that particular INFJ feels passionate about.

I find ENTJs very interesting and I really admire their creativity and drive, but I would worry that they'd expect me to be a rose in their lapel a lot of the time, facilitating their dreams. I'd really rather share something and work on it together, but I'm not sure if that's their natural bent. I also need someone who can be vulnerable some of the time and let me in on what's going on internally from time to time. I think that would require finding a fairly mature ENTJ who has had opportuny to see the value in that and practice it. I have learned a lot though and think I understand how to interact better than I used to with TJs. Any particular bumps along the way that you experienced Babylon Candle?

Fidelia brings up a very good point about ENTJ's here. Some EXTJ's have the bad habit of believing that the known universe revolves around them. As such, many of us have trouble maintaining a relationship where we walk side by side and not one in front of the other.

Maturity will rectify this in most instances.

Personally, I want someone who buys into my cooky plan as much as I do, but I also want to buy into their cooky plan. I want a partner in crime, a best friend, and everything else.

The key here is not to let the goals of the ENTJ become the only goals pursued by the couple.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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What types have you dated before, and how did it work out in that sense? Do you think that ENTJs are often drawn to people who will buy into their plans, or do you think they tend to look for someone more independent?
 
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Do you think that ENTJs are often drawn to people who will buy into their plans, or do you think they tend to look for someone more independent?

I know I'm looking for both. Someone to be my partner in crime and in greatness. And someone who's got a strong sense of self. I need my space, so it's a good thing if he needs his own space, too.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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I don't have a strong enough grasp of MBTI to type my past entanglements. That being said, I've really only had a meaningful relationship with one girl, maybe two.

I have a tendency to only remain with someone until I realize that I don't want to marry them. This could take two days, two weeks, or two months. I try to do this because I've been led on before, and know how much it hurts; so I try to nip it in the bud and make her cry less now as opposed to more later. This hasn't helped my loneliness much :cry:.

I think that ENTJ's are drawn to people that buy into their plans and ambitions. I have had personal experience with this, and yes its quite a strong narcotic. However, (in my opinion) this needs to be a two way street for the mutual respect of the relationship to truly blossom. I remember one girl specifically that bought into everything I said in an unquestioning manner. This initially attracted me, but once I realized that I was the only one with a story to tell about my plan, I quickly lost interest. It seemed that I was her rock, but she wasn't mine.

This is where it gets hard for ENTJ's. We want someone to hear what we have to say, but we also want someone to call us on our bullshit, and give us great advice when we are led astray.

We (and by we I mean me) look for someone who is a mixture of damsel in distress, and most trusted counselor. The mixture of dependence and independence is very important to any healthy relationship I think.
 

Fidelia

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I think that INFJs have a tendancy to want to adapt, listen, become excited about the others plans, all in expectation that it will be reciprocated. When it isn't and the other person becomes impatient or distant, that can induce clinginess, which the INFJ despises in themselves and which the TJ gets impatient with. The INFJ doesn't want to be over hasty in their assessment, and also tries to exhaust all solutions before getting frustrated and (emotionally) spitting it out (which meets with a bad reaction and they end up being the ones apologizing and still not getting their problem resolved).

I think one of the solutions is for both parties to have a strong sense of self and have developed some maturity in balancing out their natural tendancies. It also helps for both to recognize where they are most likely to run into problems. In general, more INFJ bluntness before getting to the point of frustration and resentment (and maybe less adapting) is needed, while the ENTJ must remind themselves to adapt, listen or discuss earlier on.

I think there is some ENTJ tendancy to only consider an opinion or idea if it can be convincingly argued. INFJs are only likely to share something that matters to them if they know it won't be challenged immediately or met with criticism. If the ENTJ isn't hearing much about the INFJs interests/ideas or plans, then it is probably due to having unwittingly stomped on something important. The INFJ will tend then to become protective of themselves (because their thoughts ARE a part of them - very reflective of who they are and it feels like rejection of their whole person, not just the thought), which can turn into walling more of themselves off, while resenting that the ENTJ doesn't seem interested in knowing more or even noticing that something has changed.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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I was just thinking about this outside of the context of this thread but I think it fits beautifully.

In trying to make myself more mature and palatable to the opposite sex, I've experienced substantial success in all categories except for one, patience.

For the hypothetical ENTJ-INFJ relationship (at least as we have described it) to work, patience must be at the disposal of the ENTJ.

Unfortunately, being an ENTJ, does not lend itself to being very patient (especially when it comes to the things we want the most). Do you have any insights into how one could work on becoming more patient.

I think this is the most frequent and devastating mistake I have made when pursuing a relationship.
 
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Unfortunately, being an ENTJ, does not lend itself to being very patient (especially when it comes to the things we want the most). Do you have any insights into how one could work on becoming more patient.

I think this is the most frequent and devastating mistake I have made when pursuing a relationship.

+1
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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Patience with the other person primarily?

If that's it, I think it helps to try to put yourself into the other person's shoes, which doesn't happen naturally for you. Accepting that there may be more than one valid way of viewing things or that even if the other person's feelings don't seem to stem from a valid cause, they are just as much a reality as if they did. Maybe for you it's managing to detach yourself from feeling the other person is bringing up a personal complaint and then looking at it as you would solve any other problem. The biggest thing you can do to make an INFJ happy is be willing to listen to them vent without giving a point of view before properly understanding theirs and allowing them to calm down (In doing so you are bleeding off the emotional excess they are feeling so they can get on with problem solving - so you are actually performing a great service in getting on with the process - this is also not a good time to point out where the villain in the story makes a good point) and also wanting to understand them. INFJs are very forgiving and pretty good at considering your interests, needs and points of view.

To tell you the truth, I have not thought much about how one develops patience. I'll get back to you in a little bit. Clarify if this is on the wrong track though.
 
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