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  1. #31
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    My ENTJ husband and I met in the bookstore/coffee shop I worked in

  2. #32
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    I know the bookstore thing is cliche but it is so true! I go to the bookstore at least once a week by myself. Most of my spare money is spent on books. I spend the most time in the nonfiction section . Sometimes venturing off to look at poetry. I am usually looking at cultural studies/religion/history books

    ENTJs have always had a knack for finding me at parties. (sitting and watching everyone, drink in hand or being weird and looking at the stuff in the house like pictures, music, mail...I have a habit of looking through people's personal things at parties but only if I don't know them. Humans are so interesting.) They are also very sexually aggressive towards me. Which actually doesn't bother me when it comes from an ENTJ because they are usually smart/interesting as well.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    INFJs can be found almost anywhere where there are opportunities to observe people and where they feel safe/interested in joining in at some juncture. For sports, you should look less towards team sports and more towards things like tennis, badminton, running, hiking, wallclimbing.

    For me: school, ESL volunteering, taking a class that interests me, library/bookstore, walking, music groups of various kinds, seeing live music or theatre, coffee shops, conferences, travelling - those would be the kinds of venues I'd be in, but I think there's a pretty wide range, depending on what that particular INFJ feels passionate about.

    I find ENTJs very interesting and I really admire their creativity and drive, but I would worry that they'd expect me to be a rose in their lapel a lot of the time, facilitating their dreams. I'd really rather share something and work on it together, but I'm not sure if that's their natural bent. I also need someone who can be vulnerable some of the time and let me in on what's going on internally from time to time. I think that would require finding a fairly mature ENTJ who has had opportuny to see the value in that and practice it. I have learned a lot though and think I understand how to interact better than I used to with TJs. Any particular bumps along the way that you experienced Babylon Candle?
    Fidelia brings up a very good point about ENTJ's here. Some EXTJ's have the bad habit of believing that the known universe revolves around them. As such, many of us have trouble maintaining a relationship where we walk side by side and not one in front of the other.

    Maturity will rectify this in most instances.

    Personally, I want someone who buys into my cooky plan as much as I do, but I also want to buy into their cooky plan. I want a partner in crime, a best friend, and everything else.

    The key here is not to let the goals of the ENTJ become the only goals pursued by the couple.

  4. #34
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    What types have you dated before, and how did it work out in that sense? Do you think that ENTJs are often drawn to people who will buy into their plans, or do you think they tend to look for someone more independent?

  5. #35
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Do you think that ENTJs are often drawn to people who will buy into their plans, or do you think they tend to look for someone more independent?
    I know I'm looking for both. Someone to be my partner in crime and in greatness. And someone who's got a strong sense of self. I need my space, so it's a good thing if he needs his own space, too.

  6. #36
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    I don't have a strong enough grasp of MBTI to type my past entanglements. That being said, I've really only had a meaningful relationship with one girl, maybe two.

    I have a tendency to only remain with someone until I realize that I don't want to marry them. This could take two days, two weeks, or two months. I try to do this because I've been led on before, and know how much it hurts; so I try to nip it in the bud and make her cry less now as opposed to more later. This hasn't helped my loneliness much .

    I think that ENTJ's are drawn to people that buy into their plans and ambitions. I have had personal experience with this, and yes its quite a strong narcotic. However, (in my opinion) this needs to be a two way street for the mutual respect of the relationship to truly blossom. I remember one girl specifically that bought into everything I said in an unquestioning manner. This initially attracted me, but once I realized that I was the only one with a story to tell about my plan, I quickly lost interest. It seemed that I was her rock, but she wasn't mine.

    This is where it gets hard for ENTJ's. We want someone to hear what we have to say, but we also want someone to call us on our bullshit, and give us great advice when we are led astray.

    We (and by we I mean me) look for someone who is a mixture of damsel in distress, and most trusted counselor. The mixture of dependence and independence is very important to any healthy relationship I think.

  7. #37
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think that INFJs have a tendancy to want to adapt, listen, become excited about the others plans, all in expectation that it will be reciprocated. When it isn't and the other person becomes impatient or distant, that can induce clinginess, which the INFJ despises in themselves and which the TJ gets impatient with. The INFJ doesn't want to be over hasty in their assessment, and also tries to exhaust all solutions before getting frustrated and (emotionally) spitting it out (which meets with a bad reaction and they end up being the ones apologizing and still not getting their problem resolved).

    I think one of the solutions is for both parties to have a strong sense of self and have developed some maturity in balancing out their natural tendancies. It also helps for both to recognize where they are most likely to run into problems. In general, more INFJ bluntness before getting to the point of frustration and resentment (and maybe less adapting) is needed, while the ENTJ must remind themselves to adapt, listen or discuss earlier on.

    I think there is some ENTJ tendancy to only consider an opinion or idea if it can be convincingly argued. INFJs are only likely to share something that matters to them if they know it won't be challenged immediately or met with criticism. If the ENTJ isn't hearing much about the INFJs interests/ideas or plans, then it is probably due to having unwittingly stomped on something important. The INFJ will tend then to become protective of themselves (because their thoughts ARE a part of them - very reflective of who they are and it feels like rejection of their whole person, not just the thought), which can turn into walling more of themselves off, while resenting that the ENTJ doesn't seem interested in knowing more or even noticing that something has changed.

  8. #38
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    I was just thinking about this outside of the context of this thread but I think it fits beautifully.

    In trying to make myself more mature and palatable to the opposite sex, I've experienced substantial success in all categories except for one, patience.

    For the hypothetical ENTJ-INFJ relationship (at least as we have described it) to work, patience must be at the disposal of the ENTJ.

    Unfortunately, being an ENTJ, does not lend itself to being very patient (especially when it comes to the things we want the most). Do you have any insights into how one could work on becoming more patient.

    I think this is the most frequent and devastating mistake I have made when pursuing a relationship.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Unfortunately, being an ENTJ, does not lend itself to being very patient (especially when it comes to the things we want the most). Do you have any insights into how one could work on becoming more patient.

    I think this is the most frequent and devastating mistake I have made when pursuing a relationship.
    +1

  10. #40
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Patience with the other person primarily?

    If that's it, I think it helps to try to put yourself into the other person's shoes, which doesn't happen naturally for you. Accepting that there may be more than one valid way of viewing things or that even if the other person's feelings don't seem to stem from a valid cause, they are just as much a reality as if they did. Maybe for you it's managing to detach yourself from feeling the other person is bringing up a personal complaint and then looking at it as you would solve any other problem. The biggest thing you can do to make an INFJ happy is be willing to listen to them vent without giving a point of view before properly understanding theirs and allowing them to calm down (In doing so you are bleeding off the emotional excess they are feeling so they can get on with problem solving - so you are actually performing a great service in getting on with the process - this is also not a good time to point out where the villain in the story makes a good point) and also wanting to understand them. INFJs are very forgiving and pretty good at considering your interests, needs and points of view.

    To tell you the truth, I have not thought much about how one develops patience. I'll get back to you in a little bit. Clarify if this is on the wrong track though.

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