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[ENFJ] Best Type for ENFJs?

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
I still advocate INFP-enfj relations but only when infp wises up, then not only do they see the extreme inner-beauty but can also handle it equally and not be overwhelmed, then the ENFJ can calm down into enfj, see the inner infp and be putty for the INFP. I think one day I'll write a how to mature an infp into an INFP.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
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1w2
I still advocate INFP-enfj relations but only when infp wises up, then not only do they see the extreme inner-beauty but can also handle it equally and not be overwhelmed, then the ENFJ can calm down into enfj, see the inner infp and be putty for the INFP. I think one day I'll write a how to mature an infp into an INFP.

I personally don't need anyone to calm me down. I need someone to roll with me.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
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8w9
I think I could make it work with one. But the fact that I have a very moderate E and J helps. They would be able to expand my point of view. And they fall hard when they fall, just like me. We could both be frighteningly committed to each other. They could help me be more social when I feel like I'm alone in a crowded room. She would be my angel, saving me every time it feels like life has given me too much to handle. She might even be my shoulder to cry on one day. She would be strong, of will and character. I'm looking for nothing less than perfect, 'till death (fuck that, my love is forever), sacrifice my life for you love.


I can do so much in return. I would be as honest with her as I am with myself. I would listen to everything she had to say every time. I would want nothing less than her telling me everything. She would be my queen. The only one who I have to listen to. I would be her rock, unflinching, unrelenting, adoring. I could give her advice on all things logic. I would be her knight, I could protect her from anything. I would love her more than I love myself. I would make her laugh. I could tell her everything thats going on in the world. I could tell her all about a ton of things she's never heard of. I would make her feel like a kid again. We would be two old souls that rediscovered their inner child together. We would be adventurous. We would travel the world together, I will earn the money to do it. I am passionate about justice, it's my life's calling. The first day i sat in orientation at law school I realized that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm more idealistic than materialistic. I will have the option to take a (VERY) lucrative job in the private sector, or pursue my dream of pursuing justice as a state and federal prosecutor, and I will choose to pursue justice. I have an internship with a Federal Circuit Court Judge over Christmas. I am going to go into politics. Because of this, I need a good host. My sister's boyfriend's father is a state senator in Georgia (my mom thinks this BF is going to be the one). I was born into wealth, but I would not see a penny of it if I didn't work my ass off to make something of myself in law school. I will always do my best to remain in my best shape for you. I currently train MMA 4 days a week, and play tennis on fridays. We could discover all the foods, cultures, beaches, mountains, lakes, and escapes of the world together. I will work on myself for you. I am self aware and am currently having impressive success growing into a more balanced human being (I just need a light to shine the path). I believe in God.

EDIT: I tango in the bedroom with a deft touch.:devil:

I'm waiting for this girl.

Maybe one day, I'll find her...:blush:
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
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1w2
I forgot that people don't like that phrase but that's what I meant.

I've said this before...I think ENFJ male and INFP female works very well. The only INFPs I know are women; they're my friends, I think they're great, but no. I don't know any INFP males that I recognize as being INFP.

Once again, it's really up to individual preference. A number of ENFJs and INFPs on the forum say this pairing works and I can see it working. I personally don't do dreamy people, people less attentive to reality or someone I need to continually coax to open up. I don't feel like that's my responsibility to do and I'm more likely to just walk away than pursue. Five years ago I would've started trying to crack the nut open but not so anymore. It feels lopsided to me.
 

Drezoryx

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2009
Messages
213
MBTI Type
ENTp
^ my vote for for an infp! the only one i know IRL is my cousin and shes married!! eeeks but they're quite attractive ;)
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
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9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I personally don't need anyone to calm me down. I need someone to roll with me.

I think you just need someone that can put you in your place.

.... KIDDING!!! *quickly runs off*
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
What do you mean by "get?" I think having someone who's a complete opposite could be exciting for an ISTP (at least for awhile), but what is in it for the ENFJ?

It's supremely difficult to describe the sort of kismet I've experienced with certain ISTPs. I shall attempt it at any rate...

My best friend for years was a male ISTP and we hardly ever fought. When we did fall out, it felt so bad that we'd both be a wreck and would get the disagreement over with as fast as humanly possible. We'd talk about literally everything from politics to religion to books, hot rod cars and race together, he wasn't even remotely afraid of me and my Fe volcano. He'd write me notes and leave them under the wipers of my car when we weren't together. I'd steal his car and go to lunch. He didn't care. He willed her to me, in fact, and she was his prized possession. She meant the same thing to me as she did to him. He was there to scrape me off the ceiling and hold on to me until I got calm when being hideously sick and in pain finally drove me to the breaking point. Things like that. It was grounding and it was safe. He'd walk through fire for me, mostly because he knew I'd never ask him to. It was a relief to not be treated like a ticking time bomb.

I was in a relationship with an IsTP, was deeply in love with him and it was mutual, but he was a drug addict. End of story, I guess.

It's not every ISTP (though I get along with 99% of them). I tend to fall in with the "high neurotics" -- strong Ti and extremely assertive (and frequently punishing) tertiary Ni.

I also find communicating with ENFJs difficult, but then it could just be my sister...

A word to the wise: Never use your family members as a template or base for judgment in romantic relationships.

I personally don't need anyone to calm me down. I need someone to roll with me.

Oh how I need that...

I've had some positive experiences with just a few INTP males (and about a million of the girls I'd love to be boys!) and they were all married. *shrug* That's no good. The one INTP bf I had was a disaster because he was a severe control freak, extremely jealous and condescended to me on a regular basis. He criticized me so much I felt ugly around him. That, to me, is a personal problem, not a whole type problem. I have difficulty warming up to the general anti-social bent they have too. ENTPs, even when maladjusted, are social animals, and I feel more relaxed around them.

Not to say that I haven't felt a strong pull towards INTPs before because I have. Ti-primaries (and Ne-Ti for the ENTPs) is incredibly attractive to me.

I think you just need someone that can put you in your place.

.... KIDDING!!! *quickly runs off*

You wanna go, big boy?? *slaps hands together* C'mere! Lemme hug your neck! :devil:
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
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sx/sp
I personally don't need anyone to calm me down. I need someone to roll with me.

This seems to summarize E__Js quite well. This is exactly how my mom is, she's an ENFJ and she can deal with an incredible amount of things going on at once, and just wants someone to support her in her life.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
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sp/sx
A theory that has popped into my head:

ENFJ males tend to want a calming influence that they can safety call home.

ENFJ females want a challenging influence that will help push them away from the calmness.

That may be 100% BS, but I'm throwing it out there because this "Submit Reply" button isn't going to click itself.

You wanna go, big boy?? *slaps hands together* C'mere! Lemme hug your neck! :devil:

Yes, please do come closer. :ninja:
 

Heinel

New member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
337
MBTI Type
TiSe
Enneagram
5w4
A word to the wise: Never use your family members as a template or base for judgment in romantic relationships.

I wasn't really thinking about relational communication when I said that. We can talk, never argued, but we cannot relate. When I said communication I was talking about it on a more basic level, the starting point. It's the same with other ENFJs I met too.

I think this is the issue, from the get go we assumed different things, and tuned to different channels. It is very possible for people to work together to fix misunderstandings, and busy themselves with similar interests, but that is the case for all kinds of people regardless of type. I do not doubt the chemistry between NFs and SPs, but unless jumping through hoops are part of the draw, I do not see how ISTP / ENFJ should be recommended.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
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I really neither know nor read the OP

The hot type?
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
I really neither know nor read the OP

The hot type?

The hot type is reserved for INTPs, thank you very much! You ENTPs drew the "guy/girl next to you at the motor vehicle department" type, sorry about that...
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
A theory that has popped into my head:

ENFJ males tend to want a calming influence that they can safety call home.

ENFJ females want a challenging influence that will help push them away from the calmness.

That may be 100% BS, but I'm throwing it out there because this "Submit Reply" button isn't going to click itself.



Yes, please do come closer. :ninja:

+1
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
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The hot type is reserved for INTPs, thank you very much! You ENTPs drew the "guy/girl next to you at the motor vehicle department" type, sorry about that...

Hotties need driving licences too ;)
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I don't really see myself as a calming person (if anything, I need someone to calm my nerves). Sure, I'm a healer, but it's not always neat and clean.

My dynamic with ENFJs (all friendships) is more of a mutual back scratching sort of thing. I think that's what I like about it - at it's best, it's very win-win. I'm not sure what it's like at worst. Maybe the egos fight a bit for who gets to be the most inspirational one. It's like, "No, I encouraged you."
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
A theory that has popped into my head:

ENFJ males tend to want a calming influence that they can safety call home.

ENFJ females want a challenging influence that will help push them away from the calmness.

I can't speak for the guys and we talked about this in conjunction with gender roles at the meetup.

I think it really depends on how Fe manifests itself, what it would find attractive. Some Fe-dom manifestations may be dignified and refined, others very parental and nurturing, others feisty and flame-y (rhymes with gamy!), and still others garish and gawdy. And there's a negative flip side to each of those relatively neutral descriptors as well. I guess the particular flavor of the function also colors what mental modes are attractive.

That may be 100% BS, but I'm throwing it out there because this "Submit Reply" button isn't going to click itself.

So much BS floating around, I don't think yours or mine makes a difference. ;)
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
They seem to be an attractive bunch, but despite their being "Ps", I think there'd be a lot of viewpoint battling back and forth.
 
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