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[ENFJ] Best Type for ENFJs?

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
So what's our best type match? Some say INTPs, others INFPs, still others ISTPs (which, personally I think is a terrible idea, but I digress).

What's your opinion? Have you ever been an ENFJ/or dated one?

I'm currently on INFJs, but it changes from week to week. :)
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I personally think it is about balance not type. For example, my strong N would clash w/ strong Si. Also, two strong EXXJs would probably overpower each other. The ideal mate is probably going to be highly subjective and vary from person to person.

All that said, I think IXXPs could be a good match but I would prefer EXXP.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My mom is an ENFJ and she likes __TP guys, namely E_TP.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
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4w3
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sx/so
Again, I'm in for ISTPs and NTPs.

I have felt most consistently attracted to ENTPs, I think, because my Ni is really strong and my I/E axis is so close together. I also like their ability to bring me out and make me feel affectionate/cuddly with them against my spiny will. They make me say and do things automatically that I never say or do without threat of torture first. It's an active dynamic, but comfortable at the same time. They aren't afraid of me. They treat me like a sparkly object that may delightfully kill them at any time. And they given me the best gifts, like they understand the next two steps past the obvious of how my brain works.

ISTPs "get" me. Nuff said.

But I also advocate the ENFJ/INFP relationship.
 

Poki

New member
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Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
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sx/so
So what's our best type match? Some say INTPs, others INFPs, still others ISTPs (which, personally I think is a terrible idea, but I digress).

What's your opinion? Have you ever been an ENFJ/or dated one?

I'm currently on INFJs, but it changes from week to week. :)

With ISTPs that are 9w1 the problem may be that we are not self-concious. So while ENFJs like to be able to follow a "role" or have rules. I dont think that a 9w1 ISTP really knows themself good enough to be able to provide that because of the peacemaker role. And the peacemaker role itself seems to get me into problems with an ENFJ. I tend to step on one persons toes to try to support someone else and I end up sticking up for the underdog. Maybe an enneagram 5 ISTP which sounds like they lean more towards ISTJ.

But really all that matters is what works in real life. What I put above seems to fit the issues between me(ISTP) and my wife(ENFJ) down to the arguement we had last night. So maybe a enneagram 9w8 or type 5 ISTP works better than a 9w1 ISTP.
 

WieldingTheSword

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2008
Messages
79
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
Surprisingly, I am all about an ENFP... Can think like an NT, the passion of an NF, the free spirit of a P. What isn't to like?
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
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4w3
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sx/so
I'll mail you my twin sister, shall I? :D
 

Hazle Weatherfield

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2009
Messages
62
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w4
So what's our best type match? Some say INTPs, others INFPs, still others ISTPs (which, personally I think is a terrible idea, but I digress).

What's your opinion? Have you ever been an ENFJ/or dated one?

I'm currently on INFJs, but it changes from week to week. :)

My INTP brother has been with his ENFJ girlfriend for six and a half years.
 

TopherRed

New member
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Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
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2w3
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so/sx
Wait a sec, I got first dibbs on any attempt to impress the good Lady Jaye. :)
As ENFPs never like being thought of in the terms of "possession" or "resource", so I understand that sending her to me, does not negate the fact that she can (and may just) leave at any time. ;)
 

feckn_eejit

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2009
Messages
29
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
edit: oops posted to wrong topic! okay it was sort of topical but not perfectly fitted! all i know is i was wrong for one ENFJ.....
 

Heinel

New member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
337
MBTI Type
TiSe
Enneagram
5w4
ISTPs "get" me. Nuff said.

What do you mean by "get?" I think having someone who's a complete opposite could be exciting for an ISTP (at least for awhile), but what is in it for the ENFJ?

I also find communicating with ENFJs difficult, but then it could just be my sister...
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I could be wrong but ENFJ - INTJ looks like good match if both sides are accepting enough. Which is because they are quite different but they use same approach (Ni).
What means that they balance each other quite well. Especially since ENFJ tends to work with people while INTJ solves more imperesonal problems in the background.
Also they are both Js so they will not annoy each other if they have similar/same goals.

(just a thought)
 

TopherRed

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I've been thinking along the same lines lately...I'm pretty sure the only NF I could stand would be the INFJ (at the moment), at least until an INFP comes round with similar views and a very mature attitude (yeah right...not unless they're at least thirty and are willing to trust my side of the iNtuition). Though I don't think one can go wrong with an INFJ, and she'd be best suited to me and my goals...and just the right level of cutesy without being extraordinarily annoying.

Plus, just look at that type comparison:
ENFJ INFJ
Fe Ni
Ni Fe
Se Ti
Ti Se

So long as we don't collapse on each other, that seems like a provocative relationship where we're constantly helping each other to develop. Or a rather nitpicky one where we're co-dependent--either way.


As far as the NTs go, right now I'd take on both introverts, but I don't the the INTP would truly be amable enough to me until at least 30 as well. *shrug* Se la ve, as they say, just don't stick me with any big Si. ;)
 

Keps Mnemnosyne

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Aug 15, 2009
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406
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INFJ
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Mm
I would suggest rethinking the INFJ Fuzzcrossed. For me I see the worst and best of myself in ENFJs, and although friendships I would easily do, I don't think I would date an ENFJ (if you had to pick someone solely on type I would not do it, I would date any girl regardless of type if I liked her). I am not trying to be mean to ENFJs, I think that you, Fuzzcrossed, if you looked at INFJ's would also see the worst and best of yourself in them.
 

Silly_Siren

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Sep 14, 2009
Messages
102
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
I cast my vote as ISTP, if I had to pick one.

My mother is an ENFJ and my dad is an ISTP. They fight a lot, and my ISTP father was a bit more balanced when they married (He was 41 and she was 28, so now he's pretty ancient), but it's a good marriage. The problems occur when he gets restless and insensitive or she gets a bit too controlling. But I find they balance each other out nice. In best cases, he's the engine and she's the steering wheel.

Also, I find ENFJ's generally aren't as attracted to INTP's, but then again I only know a few ENFJ's.
 

tibby

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Nov 22, 2008
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682
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fool
My ENFJ mom has been with who I believe is an INFP for some time now, and it seems to be going very well for them both. He is just absolutely everything I'd ever imagine my mom being balanced with in a relationship so harmoniously. I don't know about best types, but he must be doing something right - I think I could say he "tames" her in all every way and my mom on the other hand has captivated and disarmed him. She has so much energy - so much passion and outward intensity - I guess he has this calming effect and also this kind of antenna in which she can direct all of it or a lot of it in a very positive and healthy way.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
I cast my vote as ISTP, if I had to pick one.

My mother is an ENFJ and my dad is an ISTP. They fight a lot, and my ISTP father was a bit more balanced when they married (He was 41 and she was 28, so now he's pretty ancient), but it's a good marriage. The problems occur when he gets restless and insensitive or she gets a bit too controlling. But I find they balance each other out nice. In best cases, he's the engine and she's the steering wheel.

Also, I find ENFJ's generally aren't as attracted to INTP's, but then again I only know a few ENFJ's.

Yes. Even though I don't advocate using type to screen romantic interests, people have got to remember that the mythic and fabled INxJ/ENxP relationship (and ESxP/ISxJ) does not create the same type of reactions as ExFJ/IxTP (and ExTJ/IxFP). Dom perceivers getting together don't have each others opposite inferior function to deal with unless it's ENxP and ISxJ and INxJ and ESxP.

Dom Fe and Dom Ti interacting often requires a maturity or rather positive interaction with each others inferior so that it doesn't rattle and jar each other. If I use these forums to judge, I know that I prefer the INTPs that are older typically 30+ and the younger ones I sometimes just want to dash to pieces.

If ENFJs and IxTPs do embark in a relationship together, I think ISTP /ENFJ fares better than INTP/ENFJ. I think this depends actually on the ENFJ's function strength rather than the INTP's. If an ENFJ has a pretty strong Fe-Se loop then I think ISTP will be more appealing because there will be a greater desire for physical action, impact, and movement that the ISTP can provide. ISTPs get The Itch and so does the ENFJ and I feel like an ISTP naturally knows how to fend off an ENFJ if they get out of control better than an INTP. Honestly, INTPs seem to wilt after awhile. If you have an ENFJ with weaker Se and reasonable toleration of Ti then the INTP will look more appealing. Ne often doesn't really need to do anything and if the INTP has stronger tertiary Si they tend to be more comfortable exploring settled routines and familiar patterns while the ENFJ eventually needs to start roaming.

ExTPs and ENFJs don't seem to interrupt each other as badly either. I have a very strong respect for TJs because I get the structure of extroverted judgment even if it can sometimes seem harsh to me. It's so funny, in my department at work we have one TJ and the lack of Te (tertiary and inferior of FPs and shadow FJ and TP) is very apparent. There is absolutely no structure except for Feeling structure with Fe being more apparent because it's extroverted but Fi being equally manifest even if not as conspicuous. So well have all the FJs and even the TPs feeling something's amiss and reacting to that and the FPs walking around as if nothing is going on but emitting rather strong waves.

I'd also like to add the ASO's observation has worked well for me. Two of my best friends are INTJs and we get along better than what is often reported on the MBTI forums. I do notice they tend to go for FPs and that often ends in blistering infernos but whatever.
 
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