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  1. #1
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    Default Are INFJ's seen as detached in new or uncomfortable settings

    Infj's do you relate to this at all???? Which parts?

    I have decided I am more infj than other types. I have been told a lot lately at work that I am too quiet. I don't understand people's interpretation of me, because outside of work with people that I love and am close with I can be fun, outgoing, and quirky. I wonder if these are traits related to all infjs.

    - I like to listen rather than talk. If you are talking about something I'm highly interested in, I will come bubbling to life but a lot of times I like to talk about other people(you) not myself. I make generalizations about everyday things and have a hard time giving lots of details about what to me only takes a couple sentences to explain, so many times I am short and to the point.

    -In a new setting, my Ni is on overdrive and I am taking in the environment and making connections. I have no desire to take control of the room but prefer to listen and figure out my surroundings. Many people might see me as detached, shy, or quiet but really I am content in just observing and understanding and offering my opinion when asked.
    Also with this, I have found if I find somebody uninteresting or mundane, I will stay in my own little world and ignore them and the conversation. I find myself daydreaming sometimes in groups of people I don't connect with or see no need to talk to, and while others see me as shy its really because I have no input for the conversation or no desire to contribute. In new environments I almost always have a guard on while I am figuring it out or deciding if they are worth my voice. At work I don't go out of my way to speak to people in the elevator or to meet new people. This is mostly because I have no desire to unless there is something particularly compelling about them that turns into a friendship.

    -On the otherhand, if I am at a party with friends or family that I love, I open up and can ramble on and on. I find that I only do this with people I trust or who I see value in though. With the right connection I can talk nonstop for hours and hours on end making the other person the listener.

  2. #2
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    This sounds like introversion.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  3. #3
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    This sounds like introversion.
    Pretty much.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Grace's Avatar
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    It takes me a loong time to get used to new situations/settings. Then once I do I feel completely comfortable. For instance, I hate going to parties. It makes me uncomfortable and whatnot. I don't mind it, however, when my boyfriend wants to have a party at his house. In this situation I feel comfortable since I am familiar with his house, even though I may not be with his friends. I can be way more outgoing and open in this situation than if it were all of the same people but at a different location. In that case I think that people would probably see me as a bitch because I tend to appear aloof and cold. I don't know if this is because I am an I or because I am an INFJ. I have heard that INFJs tend to appear to be cold though.

  5. #5
    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    dead on.
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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  6. #6
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yep, that's a pretty much classic INFJ description.

    I think we do have to fight the tendancy to hole up in our own heads when we are among people with whom we have nothing in common though, as it is the equivalent of standing among a group of people and reading or something.

    I have found that the benignly "nice" demeanor that INFJs give off can also make them susceptible to being misrepresented by people who are more closely associated, to people who do not know them as well and they'll believe it because they don't really know them well.

    Over time I have also found that my tendancy to let people approach me has resulted in me putting more effort into relationships with other people, but often others being given the credit for it, or me getting invitation issues through those who might have the same interaction level or less but are more outgoing. My horror of imposing myself where I am not wanted (I have found) actually sends off signals that I am not interested or am aloof. I have experimented in the last few months with approaching people and assuming friendship with them and have been shocked at how warmly they have responded.

  7. #7
    Junior Member Charmain's Avatar
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    I am exactly the same and I am INFP. I think it's introversion.

  8. #8
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    This sounds like introversion.
    Indeed.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Grace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post

    I think we do have to fight the tendancy to hole up in our own heads when we are among people with whom we have nothing in common though, as it is the equivalent of standing among a group of people and reading or something.
    I have definitely brought a book to a party before, on more than one occasion.

  10. #10
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    To the OP - sure, it sounds like INFJ, and I can relate.

    BUT more to the point - it sounds like pretty much all other introverts as well. So it's certainly not exclusive to INFJ. So like a few others have mentioned - pretty much everything you've described is tied to introversion, and *maybe* to INxx's as a whole, but I think most of what you wrote could also pertain to ISxx's.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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