• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] Are INFJ's seen as detached in new or uncomfortable settings

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
how does this differ from an INFJ? Or rather, what type would you think this is associated with?

The having-numerous-exciting-ideas/plans-at-once-but-not-taking-a-step-at-any sounds very much NP. I know that's a big difference I note between my xNxP friends and myself...they are brimming with random ideas and seem super gung-ho on one or many, but it's like they just revel in the idea process. I've learned not to even take the majority of their ideas or temporary excitement seriously, because they'll just have an entirely different idea the next day. :smile:

NFJ (NJ) hones in on things and once they've found something they're excited about, tend to go for it 100%. At least, that's my thought on it. Now the *process* of honing in/discovering what they want to go for might take a long time, but once they figure it out, they'll follow through.
 

Scott N Denver

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
2,898
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
The having-numerous-exciting-ideas/plans-at-once-but-not-taking-a-step-at-any sounds very much NP. I know that's a big difference I note between my xNxP friends and myself...they are brimming with random ideas and seem super gung-ho on one or many, but it's like they just revel in the idea process. I've learned not to even take the majority of their ideas or temporary excitement seriously, because they'll just have an entirely different idea the next day. :smile:

NFJ (NJ) hones in on things and once they've found something they're excited about, tend to go for it 100%. At least, that's my thought on it. Now the *process* of honing in/discovering what they want to go for might take a long time, but once they figure it out, they'll follow through.

Maybe I am less Ne than my INFP-compatriots, or perhaps I use Ne more for coming up with wacky things to say as unexpected jokes, or maybe I use Ne more for internal brainstorming about how things COULD be, but some of us do actually make and then follow through on our plans, thank you very much. :tongue:

Perhaps I should open the doors of "Scott's personal school of self-discipline" to these other INFP's to "help" [ :rofl1: ] them on their execution and follow-through... "See this zen stick, I beat you with it when your not adequately focused enough". Seriously though, Zen does have that, the kyosaku [sp?] ie "motivation stick", but personally 1) getting smacked doesn't help me focus any better [in fact its VERY distracting :nono: ], and 2) I intrinsically don't like hitting people/living beings :boohoo:. But, I like to think, it does sometimes make for a funny joke/comment :yay:
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
how does this differ from an INFJ? Or rather, what type would you think this is associated with?

The having-numerous-exciting-ideas/plans-at-once-but-not-taking-a-step-at-any sounds very much NP. I know that's a big difference I note between my xNxP friends and myself...they are brimming with random ideas and seem super gung-ho on one or many, but it's like they just revel in the idea process. I've learned not to even take the majority of their ideas or temporary excitement seriously, because they'll just have an entirely different idea the next day. :smile:

NFJ (NJ) hones in on things and once they've found something they're excited about, tend to go for it 100%. At least, that's my thought on it. Now the *process* of honing in/discovering what they want to go for might take a long time, but once they figure it out, they'll follow through.

Cascade said it all. And well said cascade.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
^ thank you!

Maybe I am less Ne than my INFP-compatriots, or perhaps I use Ne more for coming up with wacky things to say as unexpected jokes, or maybe I use Ne more for internal brainstorming about how things COULD be, but some of us do actually make and then follow through on our plans, thank you very much. :tongue:

Oh, pffph. ;)

Note it's an NP thing; not specific to INFP! And I never said the NP's don't, or can't follow through.

Ultimately it's a difference in externalizing, and differing styles/motivations for communication. And again it's something I've only gradually picked up on over time. The NP's I know talk about things they're contemplating - their idea process is externalized. I used to actually think if they said they thought they were going to do X, Y, or Z, that they really planned on doing it. But I didn't realize that they themselves hadn't cemented things yet, and they were still in the brainstorming process. Whereas I, when I say I'm thinking of doing something, it's almost 100% guaranteed that I am going to do it, because if I get to the point where I'm actually externalizing it, to other people, it's almost always a sure thing. And if I'm uncertain about something, it'll be obvious I'm uncertain, as I'll make it a point to state my uncertainties and will solicit feedback from others if I want it.

My brainstorming process is 100% internal....NP's appears to be external (moreso), that's all. And the 'mistake' would be for me to project my own self onto them...meaning, making the erronoeous assumption that if they're saying they think they'll do X, Y, or Z, that they actually will. Because it's simply not the case, much of the time, with the NP's I'm well acquainted with. And that's no judgment against them, it's simply a different method of processing. (and it's much more obvious with ENxP's)
 

Scott N Denver

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
2,898
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
^ thank you!



Oh, pffph. ;)

Note it's an NP thing; not specific to INFP! And I never said the NP's don't, or can't follow through.

Ultimately it's a difference in externalizing, and differing styles/motivations for communication. And again it's something I've only gradually picked up on over time. My NP's talk about things they're contemplating - their idea process is externalized. I used to actually think if they said they thought they were going to do X, Y, or Z, that they really planned on doing it. But I didn't realize that they themselves hadn't cemented things yet, and they were still in the brainstorming process. Whereas I, when I say I'm thinking of doing something, it's almost 100% guaranteed that I am going to do it, because if I get to the point where I'm actually externalizing it, to other people, it's almost always a sure thing. And if I'm uncertain about something, it'll be obvious I'm uncertain, as I'll make it a point to state my uncertainties and will solicit feedback from others if I want it.

My brainstorming process is 100% internal....NP's appears to be external, that's all. And the 'mistake' would be for me to project my own self onto them...meaning, making the erronoeous assumption that if they're saying they think they'll do X, Y, or Z, that they actually will.

Let me profess my ignorance on this topic: what does pffph stand for??? please f f p h

Really, have most of the NP's that you two have met really been that ?flighty? ??? Changing their mind the next day, really? Hmmm, maybe its my being-around-the-military background, but for me my internal process is actually very similar to yours Cascade. Personally, IME, E(N)_P's are the ones who don't seem to stay focused on anything for more than like 15 minutes... I must say that I haven't actually met THAT many INFP's myself...

I do have lots of daydreams about stuff though...:rolli: But usually if I am talking about those I say something like "It would be so cool to ___" or "Ooh, I'd love to ___ someday!" or "it would be nice to ___".
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
No, I would agree with Cascadeco on that. Scott, I don't think it's that NPs are flighty. I think it's more that they tend to talk aloud more when formulating ideas than NJs tend to.

Most people have lots of ideas, some of which they keep and some of which they discard. I think that NPs are more likely to verbalize more of them before culling them out, while NJs are likely to cull before verbalizing. I used to want to spring into action, or rearrange my head around one of my NP friend's stated ideas, assuming that if verbalized he had already thought it out and was stating what he really wanted to do. Then by the next day everything was changed. Similarly, he didn't always realize that if I verbalized something, I was verbalizing a thought out preference for it, not just throwing out possibilities.

If I have thoughts on something for a thread, I'll make sure that I know what I think about it, have read some of the responses of other people, can anticipate some of the turns the conversation may take, and my stance on the other issues the conversation may bring up. I'll also make sure I know what I want to say before posting anything. This is why I tend to have longer posts and on a narrower range of topics than some people.

One my problems with this process is that sometimes I have spent a lot of time arranging everything in a structure in my head and thinking it out. When someone presents me with an idea, I may be more likely to be closed to it. New information or possibilities require me to find a place for it within my present structure, or start from scratch and reintegrate it. I want to be sure it's worth integrating before doing all that work. NPs, on the other hand, are more likely to be open to hearing possibilities because they have not yet made a final framework that it has to fit into. At least that's my way of seeing it.

One of the advantages to this way of working though is that because we've become quite invested in whatever idea we've spent so much time on, we are also more likely to carry through on putting it into action. There can be downsides (like if we are ignoring the practicality of doing this, or not taking other perspectives into account), but I think it is also one of the reasons why we tend to excell at behind the scenes influence in an organization. We have grown to care about the work to be done from a personal standpoint, which gives us the push to make it happen.
 

Scott N Denver

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
2,898
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Ok, so clearly the consensus here is that NP's, and hence INFP's, tend to verbalize brainstorming more. This INFP tends to do that much less, and I haven't really met a whole lot of other INFP's in my life, so I will defer to the experience of others...
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm with you Scott. I have a lot of ideas, but once I set my mind to one, I follow through. Nearly everything I have committed myself to, I have accomplished. I absolutely do not verbalize all or even most of my fleeting ideas; thoughts come out finished and complete most of the time. INFPs are introverts. I don't think outloud :shock:. That may be true for Ne-doms, but not INFPs. I am extremely private about my ideas and plans.

I do agree that having a lot of ideas at once is very NP, but it's simply a matter of narrowing it down before we act. And you're unlikely to hear those ideas from an INFP until they are quite close to deciding to act on it.


No, I would agree with Cascadeco on that. Scott, I don't think it's that NPs are flighty. I think it's more that they tend to talk aloud more when formulating ideas than NJs tend to.

Most people have lots of ideas, some of which they keep and some of which they discard. I think that NPs are more likely to verbalize more of them before culling them out, while NJs are likely to cull before verbalizing. I used to want to spring into action, or rearrange my head around one of my NP friend's stated ideas, assuming that if verbalized he had already thought it out and was stating what he really wanted to do. Then by the next day everything was changed. Similarly, he didn't always realize that if I verbalized something, I was verbalizing a thought out preference for it, not just throwing out possibilities.

If I have thoughts on something for a thread, I'll make sure that I know what I think about it, have read some of the responses of other people, can anticipate some of the turns the conversation may take, and my stance on the other issues the conversation may bring up. I'll also make sure I know what I want to say before posting anything. This is why I tend to have longer posts and on a narrower range of topics than some people.

One my problems with this process is that sometimes I have spent a lot of time arranging everything in a structure in my head and thinking it out. When someone presents me with an idea, I may be more likely to be closed to it. New information or possibilities require me to find a place for it within my present structure, or start from scratch and reintegrate it. I want to be sure it's worth integrating before doing all that work. NPs, on the other hand, are more likely to be open to hearing possibilities because they have not yet made a final framework that it has to fit into. At least that's my way of seeing it.

One of the advantages to this way of working though is that because we've become quite invested in whatever idea we've spent so much time on, we are also more likely to carry through on putting it into action. There can be downsides (like if we are ignoring the practicality of doing this, or not taking other perspectives into account), but I think it is also one of the reasons why we tend to excell at behind the scenes influence in an organization. We have grown to care about the work to be done from a personal standpoint, which gives us the push to make it happen.

What you're saying applies to Ne-doms, but INFP are Fi-doms, and we are dominant judgers who probably have a more rigid framework of values and ideas than you do.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
The having-numerous-exciting-ideas/plans-at-once-but-not-taking-a-step-at-any sounds very much NP. I know that's a big difference I note between my xNxP friends and myself...they are brimming with random ideas and seem super gung-ho on one or many, but it's like they just revel in the idea process. I've learned not to even take the majority of their ideas or temporary excitement seriously, because they'll just have an entirely different idea the next day. :smile:

NFJ (NJ) hones in on things and once they've found something they're excited about, tend to go for it 100%. At least, that's my thought on it. Now the *process* of honing in/discovering what they want to go for might take a long time, but once they figure it out, they'll follow through.
This is true. I might have many things on the back burner that I wish I had time for, but tend to choose the most important and give it the focus. I have many roads left untraveled leaving me with a sense of empty nostalgia, but one road that is thoroughly traveled and embraced. The others are left nearly abandoned because I don't have time to fully explore it and do it justice.
 

Grace

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
ahaha, you actually sat there reading??

Yep. Usually if I have one I will escape to a room and read alone (if I'm feeling bored or annoyed with people) but I've read on couches next to drunk guys and whatnot before. It's usually because I'm waiting for a friend to be ready to leave or something.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Over time I have also found that my tendancy to let people approach me has resulted in me putting more effort into relationships with other people, but often others being given the credit for it, or me getting invitation issues through those who might have the same interaction level or less but are more outgoing. My horror of imposing myself where I am not wanted (I have found) actually sends off signals that I am not interested or am aloof. I have experimented in the last few months with approaching people and assuming friendship with them and have been shocked at how warmly they have responded.

Yeah, this kind of relates to the thread I just posted, actually...! (about sucking up...though I'm not saying you're sucking up...perhaps I should not have used such negative terminology...oh dear :doh: )

Perhaps this is common to many types, but I think I have always had a bit of a tendency to assume that people are more like me than they actually are. (I'm gradually outgrowing that, though.) So as Fidelia said, not only do I tend to not want to impose myself (and take that almost to an extreme sometimes) - and people may read that as me being unintererested or aloof - I would also tend to not take the the "assuming friendship" approach with people because in most cases, that freaks me out a little if people do that to me. I mean, if they act like they have a closer friendship with me (perhaps in the very early stages of our friendship/acquaintanceship) than I feel they actually do. Perhaps I've become a bit suspicious due to a few unwonderful experiences, but if someone is that friendly with me when I don't feel we know each other well, I have a bit of a feeling that they're going to somehow impose themselves on me. (The exception to this would be people who I very quickly feel a strong connection with, so we can open up to each other/"assume friendship" quite quickly. It happens to me once in a while, and it's wonderful if it leads on to a good friendship, but it certainly doesn't happen often.) So conversely, I don't tend to approach people in that way. Perhaps it's a case of trying to read people's signals to see if they would respond positively to that kind of approach. I certainly don't claim to be an INFJ who can read people like a book, so I'm not always sure what signals I'm getting...
 

FaithBW

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2009
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INFP
I think that INFJs are more likely to physically escape from uncomfortable situations in an effort to regain their composure. INFPs, on the other hand, "freeze" and space out into their own dream worlds. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm an INFP and I have had my share of actual escapes. I feel bad for doing that but I also feel that if I don't, people will think of me as even more of bitch than if I didn't leave. I do space out too but if a situation gets too bad I just leave.
 

scortia

New member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
201
MBTI Type
INFJ
At my job, I think all the other teachers probably have a rumor going that I'm snotty. I don't eat in the lounge, and I barely talk. I'm just not comfortable... all of the other English teachers are my total opposite... they jabber on about a lot of nothing like cackling hens. It strains me to be around it for any length of time. I even had some college classes where I barely spoke once.. it's a good way for people to respect you when you DO finally talk though.

Meanwhile, with friends I'm just energetic all over. I can't say my friends see my "true" self, but I feel comfortable enough and energized enough to be far more extroverted around them. And yes, if I hear some mention of something I'm passionate about I will hold a long, deep conversation with even a complete stranger... which is something I never do, but damnit if you want to discuss characterization in a Hugo novel or Plato's Republic or what have you, I will talk to you for hours.
 
Top