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Thread: Are INFJ's seen as detached in new or uncomfortable settings

  1. #31
    Lay the coin on my tongue Array SilkRoad's Avatar
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    May 2009
    6w5 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post

    Over time I have also found that my tendancy to let people approach me has resulted in me putting more effort into relationships with other people, but often others being given the credit for it, or me getting invitation issues through those who might have the same interaction level or less but are more outgoing. My horror of imposing myself where I am not wanted (I have found) actually sends off signals that I am not interested or am aloof. I have experimented in the last few months with approaching people and assuming friendship with them and have been shocked at how warmly they have responded.
    Yeah, this kind of relates to the thread I just posted, actually...! (about sucking up...though I'm not saying you're sucking up...perhaps I should not have used such negative terminology...oh dear )

    Perhaps this is common to many types, but I think I have always had a bit of a tendency to assume that people are more like me than they actually are. (I'm gradually outgrowing that, though.) So as Fidelia said, not only do I tend to not want to impose myself (and take that almost to an extreme sometimes) - and people may read that as me being unintererested or aloof - I would also tend to not take the the "assuming friendship" approach with people because in most cases, that freaks me out a little if people do that to me. I mean, if they act like they have a closer friendship with me (perhaps in the very early stages of our friendship/acquaintanceship) than I feel they actually do. Perhaps I've become a bit suspicious due to a few unwonderful experiences, but if someone is that friendly with me when I don't feel we know each other well, I have a bit of a feeling that they're going to somehow impose themselves on me. (The exception to this would be people who I very quickly feel a strong connection with, so we can open up to each other/"assume friendship" quite quickly. It happens to me once in a while, and it's wonderful if it leads on to a good friendship, but it certainly doesn't happen often.) So conversely, I don't tend to approach people in that way. Perhaps it's a case of trying to read people's signals to see if they would respond positively to that kind of approach. I certainly don't claim to be an INFJ who can read people like a book, so I'm not always sure what signals I'm getting...
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  2. #32
    Junior Member Array FaithBW's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    I think that INFJs are more likely to physically escape from uncomfortable situations in an effort to regain their composure. INFPs, on the other hand, "freeze" and space out into their own dream worlds. Correct me if I'm wrong.
    I'm an INFP and I have had my share of actual escapes. I feel bad for doing that but I also feel that if I don't, people will think of me as even more of bitch than if I didn't leave. I do space out too but if a situation gets too bad I just leave.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Array scortia's Avatar
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    May 2009


    At my job, I think all the other teachers probably have a rumor going that I'm snotty. I don't eat in the lounge, and I barely talk. I'm just not comfortable... all of the other English teachers are my total opposite... they jabber on about a lot of nothing like cackling hens. It strains me to be around it for any length of time. I even had some college classes where I barely spoke once.. it's a good way for people to respect you when you DO finally talk though.

    Meanwhile, with friends I'm just energetic all over. I can't say my friends see my "true" self, but I feel comfortable enough and energized enough to be far more extroverted around them. And yes, if I hear some mention of something I'm passionate about I will hold a long, deep conversation with even a complete stranger... which is something I never do, but damnit if you want to discuss characterization in a Hugo novel or Plato's Republic or what have you, I will talk to you for hours.

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