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  1. #1
    Member sunshinEnfp's Avatar
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    Default ENFP self-sabotage in relationships

    So... I am currently dating a male ENFJ and I am an ENFP... (but I was very close to getting INFP). Anyway, everything's going REALLY well... we've been seeing each other for a few weeks and... it's really, really great.

    But I guess I had a question of some of the ENFPs (and maybe INFPs, too) out there... do you self-sabotage your relationship if it's going too well?

    I guess I'm asking this because (1) I'm curious and (2) I think part of me is starting to get super uncomfortable in a way because I'm not in control, because the thing between us is really good, but... I guess it's hard for me to be vulnerable; I have a few close friends and I let them in and they know me well, but it's taken a long time for them to know me as more than just the "happy-go-lucky ENFP" that everyone else sees. With this guy, right from the start, I have been so comfortable and have shared a lot and we just seem to get each other. But part of me also is ready to just shut off my feelings and just... self-sabotage in a way because I think I am afraid of getting hurt (even though there's been nothing to indicate that I will).

    This is more of a curiosity thing than anything else and it's probably not limited to being an ENFP/INFP or anything. But... I was just wondering your thoughts!

  2. #2
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I'm not really in to committed relationships but, the few I have been in were great and then disastrous later on because I always felt trapped and I don't like other people trying to dictate my life. Also, I have a hard time being with only one person because most people are so incomplete that I can't really drain them of their lifejuice for any length of time.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  3. #3
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    no

    i don't really do that, but i guess its cus im not really scared of getting hurt

    i just forget past relationships. like most of the time, completely

    but i've gotten backups because of some girls recurring behaviors... but thats directly from what they did to me. not because of what someone did in the past.

    but sometimes, i get backups just because im so used to getting backups... its weird.

  4. #4
    Member allie bug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    no

    but i've gotten backups because of some girls recurring behaviors... but thats directly from what they did to me. not because of what someone did in the past.

    but sometimes, i get backups just because im so used to getting backups... its weird.
    what do you mean by backups?

  5. #5
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    what do you mean by backups?
    the exact same way girls think of backups when looking for a new relationship to fall back on when you think the one you are in might end...

  6. #6
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Backups are good.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    if you're talking about the hard shell thing...i think i know what ya mean
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    mmm yeah, definitely. my brain says run baby, run! i get backups too -- just to cushion the blow that i assume will come when the great relationship ends.

  9. #9
    Member sunshinEnfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    mmm yeah, definitely. my brain says run baby, run! i get backups too -- just to cushion the blow that i assume will come when the great relationship ends.
    That's so interesting about the backups thing... because I kind of have a backup in my mind... I don't want to and I am really into this guy, but it's like... ahhhh... just in case, I need to be able (and ready) to move on...

  10. #10
    Member Hazle Weatherfield's Avatar
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    I self-sabotage ALWAYS, but I think it is more based on attachment style than MBTI type, but I definitely see INFPs maybe being specifically susceptible to the various attachment styles in much stronger ways.

    But to also counter the argument, I tend to fall deeply, not shy and distant like some wish to believe of INFPs, and that is a huge contributor towards me sabotaging a given relationship-if I feel I am falling too much, gaining too much insecure attachment, and I TRY and RUN, but my Fi works so god damn much that I feel way too guilty to just ditch someone like that. So I end up talking talking talking talking and figuring it out. Maybe that's why I ended up with a partner that really wasn't compatible for four and a half years. Sheesh. Need. Stop. Talking. Wine. Okay. Bed. Maybe.

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