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  1. #11
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    no

    i don't really do that, but i guess its cus im not really scared of getting hurt

    i just forget past relationships. like most of the time, completely

    but i've gotten backups because of some girls recurring behaviors... but thats directly from what they did to me. not because of what someone did in the past.

    but sometimes, i get backups just because im so used to getting backups... its weird.
    Urghh.

    Do enfps really need to be with someone that much that you have to have a BACK UP relationship in case the one you're in is in danger of ending?

    Why not just focus on trying to fix the current relationship, and if it doesn't work out then become single.

    Having a 'back up' means you're either not committed to the current relationship or stringing along another guy/girl.

  2. #12
    Member sunshinEnfp's Avatar
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    Okay, so I kind of just came to a revelation about this relationship and I thought I would share.

    I was trying to figure out why I was being so negative about this when things are going so well! Like, really, really well... and I was also wondering why I wasn't doing the normal ENFP thing (or NF/idealist thing) to run away with the possibilities in my mind... and then I realized... I was doing the opposite! I was trying to stay grounded, trying to stay "realistic" and present to the relationship. I didn't want to daydream or idealize this guy, so I tried "grounding" techniques--but in trying to stay "grounded," I just started to do the opposite--meaning, I was running away with all the negative possibilities. "Well, it's possible that he doesn't feel this way about me because of this..." or "it's possible that it won't work out because of this, this, and this." I was really starting to get down and I was thinking, "Why am I doing this? Why do I feel like I am sabotaging this relationship? Why do I feel like it isn't going well even when it is?" And then I realized, in trying NOT to be an ENFP, I still was being an ENFP!!! Crazy!!!

  3. #13
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinEnfp View Post
    Okay, so I kind of just came to a revelation about this relationship and I thought I would share.

    I was trying to figure out why I was being so negative about this when things are going so well! Like, really, really well... and I was also wondering why I wasn't doing the normal ENFP thing (or NF/idealist thing) to run away with the possibilities in my mind... and then I realized... I was doing the opposite! I was trying to stay grounded, trying to stay "realistic" and present to the relationship. I didn't want to daydream or idealize this guy, so I tried "grounding" techniques--but in trying to stay "grounded," I just started to do the opposite--meaning, I was running away with all the negative possibilities. "Well, it's possible that he doesn't feel this way about me because of this..." or "it's possible that it won't work out because of this, this, and this." I was really starting to get down and I was thinking, "Why am I doing this? Why do I feel like I am sabotaging this relationship? Why do I feel like it isn't going well even when it is?" And then I realized, in trying NOT to be an ENFP, I still was being an ENFP!!! Crazy!!!
    RELAX. You probably just need to learn how to take life one day at a time. or something. i don't know.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinEnfp View Post
    Okay, so I kind of just came to a revelation about this relationship and I thought I would share.

    I was trying to figure out why I was being so negative about this when things are going so well! Like, really, really well... and I was also wondering why I wasn't doing the normal ENFP thing (or NF/idealist thing) to run away with the possibilities in my mind... and then I realized... I was doing the opposite! I was trying to stay grounded, trying to stay "realistic" and present to the relationship. I didn't want to daydream or idealize this guy, so I tried "grounding" techniques--but in trying to stay "grounded," I just started to do the opposite--meaning, I was running away with all the negative possibilities. "Well, it's possible that he doesn't feel this way about me because of this..." or "it's possible that it won't work out because of this, this, and this." I was really starting to get down and I was thinking, "Why am I doing this? Why do I feel like I am sabotaging this relationship? Why do I feel like it isn't going well even when it is?" And then I realized, in trying NOT to be an ENFP, I still was being an ENFP!!! Crazy!!!
    yeah...ughh...bizarre right? you must be crazy about her and just trying to protect yourself in case...just let go...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    Member sunshinEnfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yeah...ughh...bizarre right? you must be crazy about her and just trying to protect yourself in case...just let go...
    (Just a little FYU, the ENFJ is male and I--the ENFP--am female. )

    Anyway, thanks... I think that's what it is... I think I am just starting to fall pretty hard for this guy. I think I like him so much that I was trying not to do the ENFP-typical thing of living in all of the idealistic possibilities with him (resulting in me eventually being bored--possibly--with the real thing, you know?). I was trying to live in concrete information and be more present in the moment, rather than being so future-oriented. But I think I went so far to the other extreme that instead of being "rational" or "realistic" (which is what I thought I was being), I was actually starting to live in the negative possibilities, assuming that these were more likely to happen, and ultimately think it wasn't going to work out (even though everything's been going so well)!

    Whew, that's a lot of stuff going on in my head. Basically, I am going to follow your advice and just let go... and stop trying to protect myself from getting hurt because I'll just end up sabotaging myself that way. I'm just going to let this happen and hope for the best!

    But anyway, I'm glad I figured out why I felt so pessimistic about this blossoming relationship and not as excited... I was almost sad, in a way... and I didn't get it. Not sure if any of you watch "Sex and the City," but there's an episode called "Drama Queens" where Carrie is dating Aidan. She can't figure out what's wrong, but she feels like something is. Then she realizes: what's wrong is that there's nothing wrong, she's just looking for something to be wrong. Story of my life.

  6. #16
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah...ne gets bored with things that are perfect... with nothing to improve on... so you imagine all the possible issues and how to fix those...or how you'll get over it when it doesn't work....ne needs to sthu...be happy
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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