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  1. #1
    Ginkgo
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    Question Are INFPs Easy to Pick on?

    I don't know why, but there's something about my appearance that says "pick on me". Ever since I was a wee lad, I have been pestered by random children. Even now that I am an adult, my friends think I am "easy to mess with". :steam: Furthermore, it seems that I am a primary target for those who want to borrow money (and never give it back).

    Why is this? Do INFPs have some "essence" about them that indicates that we're door mats for other people? What can I do to fix my dilemma without sacrificing my "kind" exterior?

    I want to keep my integrity, and I love helping those who ask for it; particularly in the academic arenas. Working to communicate with others in order to help them learn is ecstasy .

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    I don't know why, but there's something about my appearance that says "pick on me". Ever since I was a wee lad, I have been pestered by random children. Even now that I am an adult, my friends think I am "easy to mess with". :steam: Furthermore, it seems that I am a primary target for those who want to borrow money (and never give it back).

    Why is this? Do INFPs have some "essence" about them that indicates that we're door mats for other people? What can I do to fix my dilemma without sacrificing my "kind" exterior?

    I want to keep my integrity, and I love helping those who ask for it; particularly in the academic arenas. Working to communicate with others in order to help them learn is ecstasy .
    Not since I was 17. People try, but when I finally tell them to shut up and move on, they do.

    Perhaps you should learn to be rude when needed. Some people you know, are going to take advantage of you. And try to make you feel guilty when you don't 'help' them. Learn to tell them to go to hell.

    You can still be kind, yet not a pushover.

    Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."

    And when they whine(you know they will), tell them they aren't helping their case.

    And learn to put the warm fuzzies on the back burner, when confronted with someone with ulterior motives.

  3. #3
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Dear MT,

    Assertiveness can indeed be an area of challenge for many INFP's and I have had particular challenges there myself.

    Now that I am a full-grown tater rather than a cute little spud, I am better and better at knowing my mind and acting on my feelings of being taken advantage of by sticking up for myself.

    You will get better and better at this if you practice, and you don't lose the essence of your niceness either by doing so. You just stick up for yourself in a way that aligns with who you are.

    For example, last week:

    I have 2 handymen doing work around our house; specifically, fixing a bathroom. Three days in a row they are late and work less than 8 hours. First day, a plausible excuse. 2nd day, I observe, having watched first day. Third day, they show up at 10am, 2 hours late, and I decide I have to have a talk with them. I told them I had a deadline and their lack of working a full day was compromising my project. I said I could empathize with their personal issues (that caused some lateness) but that I was getting frustrated and I had to focus on the tasks that I am paying them for. I asked them if they were still able to do the job for me and did they still actually want to work for me. Because otherwise I would have to find other help.

    Sure, conflict never feels great, but they have been working very well since our chat. People need to know you notice when they step on you and you can still say something without offending your sense of who you are.

    Good luck and practice!

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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Dear MT,

    Asseriveness can indeed be an area of challenge for many INFP's and I have had particular challenges there myself.

    Now that I am a full-grown tater rather than a cute little spud, I am better and better at knowing my mind and acting on my feelings of being taken advantage of by sticking up for myself.

    You will get better and better at this if you practice, and you don't lose the essence of your niceness either by doing so. You just stick up for yourself in a way that aligns with who you are.

    For example, last week:

    I have 2 handymen doing work around our house; specifically, fixing a bathroom. Three days in a row they are late and work less than 8 hours. First day, a pluasible excuse. 2nd day, I observe having watched first day. Third day, they show up at 10 and I decide I have to have a talk with them. I told them I had a deadline and their lack of working a full day was compromising my project. I said I could empathize with their personal issues (that caused some lateness) but that I was getting frustrated and I had to focus on the tasks that I am paying them for. I asked them if they were still able to do the job for me and did they still actually want to work for me.

    Sure, conflict never feels great, but they have been working very well since our chat. People need to know you notice when they step on you and that you can still say something without offending your sense of who you are.

    Good luck and practice!
    Listen to her, she knows things. And can articulate them.

  5. #5
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    ^ LOL, you quoted me before I fixed me spelling mistakes!

    But thank you dear Biaxident, sending you a BIG !

  6. #6
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post

    Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."
    Hah, funny you should mention that. I actually find that staring people down is the most effective - and even the most comfortable - way of telling people to shut up. It works like a charm, but NEVER do it to women, lest they think you're going to kill/rape/stalk them.

  7. #7
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    And it's true, people do sense the nice in us, and know that we won't complain sometimes when we are offended.

    But you CAN stand up to it, even if your heart starts pounding and you feel fear and trembling to do so. You CAN do this. to you too, as moral support next time you need it.

  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."


    I don't get picked on much at all. People tried it with me like they do with every kid at school, but it never went anywhere. I just stared at them until they got uncomfortable and went away. No reaction is not fun, so they move onto those who give them what they want.

    When it comes to friend's teasing, most don't go too far because admittedly, I can get snappy and mean, and then they regret it. I often just smile somewhat sarcastically and then stare though. Topic usually changes quickly.

    Also, if people ask me to do something I do not want to do, I just give this "yeah right" laugh and they drop it. Everyone knows my "yeah right" laugh now. I don't even give an excuse or explanation, because that shows room to budge. I just go "hahaha" and then ignore them. If I am feeling nice, then "sorry, but I just can't" is about as much as I'll explain.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    And it's true, people do sense the nice in us, and know that we won't complain sometimes when we are offended.

    But you CAN stand up to it, even if your heart starts pounding and you feel fear and trembling to do so. You CAN do this. to you too, as moral support next time you need it.
    right on . It's hard as i've been there, but you can achieve that will power
    with practice .

    Peacebaby indeed you are wise and very articulate .
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  10. #10
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Now that I am a full-grown tater rather than a cute little spud, I am better and better at knowing my mind and acting on my feelings of being taken advantage of by sticking up for myself.




    I have 2 handymen doing work around our house; specifically, fixing a bathroom. Three days in a row they are late and work less than 8 hours. First day, a plausible excuse. 2nd day, I observe, having watched first day. Third day, they show up at 10am, 2 hours late, and I decide I have to have a talk with them. I told them I had a deadline and their lack of working a full day was compromising my project. I said I could empathize with their personal issues (that caused some lateness) but that I was getting frustrated and I had to focus on the tasks that I am paying them for. I asked them if they were still able to do the job for me and did they still actually want to work for me. Because otherwise I would have to find other help.

    Sure, conflict never feels great, but they have been working very well since our chat. People need to know you notice when they step on you and you can still say something without offending your sense of who you are.

    Good luck and practice!
    Thank you. Yes, one must vocalize their discomfort so others can know about it. Otherwise, you're a good man/woman doing nothing, and you know how the old adage goes.

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