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[MBTI General] Bloody INFPs and their capacity to turn INTJs into fuzzy hug addicts.

Fecal McAngry

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Oct 31, 2009
Messages
976
It was VERY disorienting, and unfortunately for me, I was most certainly exploited while emotionally vulnerable.

I'm glad you weren't being manipulative towards your INTJ friend; doing so and maintaining contact with her would have been a bad idea. We plan long-term, and I happen to enjoy me some revenge.

I in essence gave up any chance for revenge by cutting all ties with him. It's far more emotionally healthy this way, but there is a piece of me that wants to demonstrate to him what it's like to tangle with me when I'm not baking pies and making cow eyes at him. Just a small piece. And the desire will fade over time along with the anger.
Give it time. Give the whole thing time...especially as you may not fully understand whatever his perspective & experience was. While I understand your need for closure, real life can weirdly unpredictable. On Facebook, several of my friends are women I had emotionally messy breakups or whatnot with. At the time, I preferred not to interact with them, but now, many years hence, I'm happy to talk to them and know that they are well...

The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet.
The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet.
I think of her often and hope whoever she's met
Will be fully aware of how precious she is.

--Bob Dylan, INFP--
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
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54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Incorrect. Letterman is an extremely private near-recluse when away from work; despite being an ultra-famous NYC & CT resident for 25+ years he has no public profile whatsoever in real life.

I have an entj brother who has maybe two people who he calls friends, so it goes without saying much else that his type doesn't need to have a social life.

I've also watched a video on youtube of an entj describing how, despite his willingness to mingle with anyone, is pretty reclusive/has very few friends. It'd probably turn up if you typed in 'entj'.

Now that I'm out of facts...

I think entjs tend to be more in your face, and have more of hot potato mentality to ideas.

His interviews of Natalie Portman/B. Obama (both isfjs in my mind; some agree and others don't) looks like the isfj/entj duality pairing that I've seen once in a while. Maybe he interviews Ben Stiller, too. I'll check after I post this. But I imagine they'd get along tick-tock together like the other two.
 

Fecal McAngry

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I have an entj brother who has maybe two people who he calls friends, so it goes without saying much else that his type doesn't need to have a social life.
You are missing the point. I have plenty of people I'd call friends, nevertheless I am a very strong introvert. I can also give examples of the converse.

To highlight the absurdity, let's take some preposterously extraverted person--a Bill Clinton, for example. If we kill all his friends, does he become an introvert?
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
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xNFP
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sx/so
I guess you could call me a moderate extravert, and I think I have 2-3 friends, and that's it.

Just because you have outward focus does not mean that you need five billion people around you to listen. Besides I have lots of people around me all the time.

However, I share my core with a very few, hand-picked people. I think that's healthy - it's really not good to share your inner self with everyone because most people are assholes and not worth it.
 
Joined
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You are missing the point. I have plenty of people I'd call friends, nevertheless I am a very strong introvert. I can also give examples of the converse.

To highlight the absurdity, let's take some preposterously extraverted person--a Bill Clinton, for example. If we kill all his friends, does he become an introvert?

I hinted at what you just said with my last few lines.
 

Mad Hatter

Head Pigeon
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
1,087
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INTP
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-1w
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I have no intention to turn any person I know into a something like a "hug addict." I'm not a physical person, and being hugged all the time would really make me somewhat uncomfortable (even if it happened with a SO).
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
I've had a similar experience with an INTP friend. Since INFJs and INTPs can sometimes be very similar in some ways (at first sight), I thought she was like me and kept her emotions under a lid. I really liked her (used her as model in my art and all) and tried to make her comfortable so she would let the emotions out and we could share a meaningful friendship, but no matter how hard I tried, she wasn't too emotional about anything. She was clumsy with hugs and I tried harder to get her to open up (not a good idea). When I began understanding the NT unemotional structure (I discovered MBTI in my attempt to understand her better), I started to let go, even though I felt it like a rejection or something.
Well, now that I've let go and started treating her like every other colleague and be just casual with her, she started being kinder with me (in her own NT way), like she's missing it or something! :shock: She came back to work in the fall after a computer engineering stage and she came to see me, standing next to me like she was waiting for something. I stared and just talked to her, but she was waiting for her hug !!! :) (I gave it to her, but I was the one feeling clumsy about it...)
 

Cranky

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
240
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w6
I've had a similar experience with an INTP friend. Since INFJs and INTPs can sometimes be very similar in some ways (at first sight), I thought she was like me and kept her emotions under a lid. I really liked her (used her as model in my art and all) and tried to make her comfortable so she would let the emotions out and we could share a meaningful friendship, but no matter how hard I tried, she wasn't too emotional about anything. She was clumsy with hugs and I tried harder to get her to open up (not a good idea). When I began understanding the NT unemotional structure (I discovered MBTI in my attempt to understand her better), I started to let go, even though I felt it like a rejection or something.
Well, now that I've let go and started treating her like every other colleague and be just casual with her, she started being more affectionate with me (in her own NT way), like she's missing it or something! :shock: She came back to work in the fall after a computer engineering stage and she came to see me, standing next to me like she was waiting for something. I stared and just talked to her, but she was waiting for her hug !!! :) (I gave it to her, but I was the one feeling clumsy about it...)

Dude, she has it so bad for you.
 

bighairything

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
171
MBTI Type
ENFP
I've had a similar experience with an INTP friend. Since INFJs and INTPs can sometimes be very similar in some ways (at first sight), I thought she was like me and kept her emotions under a lid. I really liked her (used her as model in my art and all) and tried to make her comfortable so she would let the emotions out and we could share a meaningful friendship, but no matter how hard I tried, she wasn't too emotional about anything. She was clumsy with hugs and I tried harder to get her to open up (not a good idea). When I began understanding the NT unemotional structure (I discovered MBTI in my attempt to understand her better), I started to let go, even though I felt it like a rejection or something.
Well, now that I've let go and started treating her like every other colleague and be just casual with her, she started being kinder with me (in her own NT way), like she's missing it or something! :shock: She came back to work in the fall after a computer engineering stage and she came to see me, standing next to me like she was waiting for something. I stared and just talked to her, but she was waiting for her hug !!! :) (I gave it to her, but I was the one feeling clumsy about it...)

INTPs are sooo cute! :hug:
 

Fecal McAngry

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
976
This is going to sound a bit strange...and I certainly don't want to act like a total drama queen, but how I really feel is violated. Not really in any sexual sense, but more as if someone cracked open my brain, shuffled about to get what they wanted, and failed to properly reorder everything when leaving. Also, they didn't suture me properly, and now I'm leaking goo and huggles.

:(
The best way to get over one INFP is to get under another INFP.

:devil:
 

SpankyMcFly

Level 8 Propaganda Bot
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,349
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so/sx
Now, this is sort of fascinating. I've known about six INFP males in my life, and they all share some SERIOUS mother issues.

I'm curious; is a traumatic childhood necessary to developing the full-blown INFP personality? I certainly started off with the mystical bent of an INFJ (and had a wonderful childhood), and then got beaten (socially and metaphorically speaking, and only after adolescence) into being an INTJ. I also grew up in a household full of practical and extroverted types.

What makes you like you are? And why the :devil: are you all so afraid of being emotionally manipulated? It's a VERY common theme with you guys.
I had serious mother issues. I can detect emotional manipulation to a high degree and it can be a major factor in how I deal with you, if at all. Don't mess with my free will. I am intrigued about the mother angle.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
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ENFP
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4dw
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sx/so
Wow..and they say NFPs O.D. on emoticons :D
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
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4w5
I'm sorry, Fecal McAngry has the best username EVARRRRR!!!!

:rofl1:
 

Cranky

New member
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Oct 5, 2009
Messages
240
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INTJ
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lol you got played girl

high fives himself*

I got so played I look like the midpoint of every Jason Segel movie.

Seriously.

Although, if you're high-fiving yourself, someone needs to teach you how to masturbate properly.

How to Masturbate a Man | eHow.com

(apologies for feeding the trollz, peeps...but it's my thread, and I'll make fun of cretinous 14-year olds if I wanna)
 
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A

A window to the soul

Guest
Nope...not a player. I think he was just really, really, REALLY trying to find out if it would work, and I never saw when his decision happened. Like I said, I've got the looks, the bod, and the smarts, so he actually SAID he was trying as hard as he could to figure out if it would work. It's a shame I couldn't lead him around by his manparts. It would have been easier!

:2ar15:

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. It's possible this INFP goes into the relationship with good intentions but has a real fear of love and COMMITMENT. If that makes any sense. Imagine an INFP afraid of love. :doh: It's true though! I have to admit, this is my downfall when it comes to relationships. The 'love' emotion is rather intense for the INFP and for me it triggers a "fight or flight" sensation. :cheese: I'm still learning to overcome it. Unfortunately for those I've up an left, I didn't seem to worry too much that I hurt them when I executed "flight". So what appears to be an endless need to be chased... I attribute to a serious need to learn to love without fear. **sighs**

Quote:
Originally Posted by spamtar
Pain reminds us we are alive! Endings are hard yet consider looking at the experience under the totality of the circumstances, the big picture. Similar to how we notice a vacation for all of fun stuff we did during it and not simply the plane flight home.

INTJs and INTPs love when we are allowed to escape from ourselves and feel the gushing warmth of sentimentalism and romance (it is a rare opportunity and not for the NT to miss). However, this role eventually wears thin more often for us than others (although the F doms may sense it in us before we do) and the requiem mass must be performed.

Open yourself only to have allowed yourself to embrace during the experience but allow yourself to embrace the whole of it, good/bad and pleasure/pain. The biting sensational bittersweet awakening of being alive. Like long distant skiing/snowboarding and then being allowed to return to the warm cabin of you natural tendencies, as if returning home and comfort to pick up or memoirs, sit down in the armchair by your inner fireplace and add another chapter.

Am I the only one that thinks all of that kind of stuff sounds kind of cheesy? I hear people talk this way all the time, and it never makes any impression on me.

Uhh... that's cheesy!!! :cheese::shock:**gagging**

No way...

Usually when I say I will do something I mean it, it just may not be in the next 5 minutes. If I hem and haw, and make excuses, that means I am not sold on the idea and would rather not. And if I say no, it means no.

And I don't make promises. Unless I am sure I can keep them.

Yep! Well said.:yes:

I got so played I look like the midpoint of every Jason Segel movie.
Seriously.
Although, if you're high-fiving yourself, someone needs to teach you how to masturbate properly.
How to Masturbate a Man | eHow.com
(apologies for feeding the trollz, peeps...but it's my thread, and I'll make fun of cretinous 14-year olds if I wanna)

You didn't get played, that's rediculous. We are talking about an INFP? Sounds like this guy was head over heels! Trust me, it has more to do with a fear of the commitment leash and feeling smothered by his own loving feelings. This guy needs some space, but it sounds like it's too late for that and he up and left without warning. Unfortunately that's the way it goes. If he's like me, he'll be too ashamed to look back at the aftermath, so he'll close the chapter and move on. His behavior sounds so textbook INFP to me. Ideally you should have given him space when you started to see the warning signs of him backing off. It's when I would need space and my boyfriend wouldn't understand that, so instead he'd bombard me with too much lovey phone calls, flowers, etc.... that's when I would finally make the decision to end the madness. Jeez, I just needed some space sometimes...


Added:
The only scenario I can think of when an INFP will appear to desparately want space, but they shouldn't get it, is when there's a conflict in the relationship. Don't let an INFP run away or leave the conflict mad. For most INFP's under extreme stress, they'll pretty much lose all logical thinking abilities. At that point, it would be beneficial for a 'T' to swiftly step in and diffuse the conflict in their calm magical way. ...AND lucky for you, you are a 'T'...which would be helpful, if you get back together with him. F's are pretty easy to reel back in when there's conflict, if you stay calm, nice/firm, keep it light, and be confident... in that order. Whatever you do, do not verbalize any value judgements towards an INFP when they're already stressed out (aka, interpreted by INFP as name calling); just stick to the facts or say something witty. There's an art to it, but I think it's pretty natural for 'T's to pull off. INFP's don't typically care who is right or wrong in a fight; we just want to get rid of the bad feelings ASAP. If we did something wrong, then we want to be assured it is forgiven and forgotten. If you take that approach, I think you will find your INFP to be very forgiving.
 
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Cranky

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
240
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
You didn't get played, that's rediculous. We are talking about an INFP? Sounds like this guy was head over heels! Trust me, it has more to do with a fear of the commitment leash and feeling smothered by his own loving feelings. This guy needs some space, but it sounds like it's too late for that and he up and left without warning. Unfortunately that's the way it goes. If he's like me, he'll be too ashamed to look back at the aftermath, so he'll close the chapter and move on. His behavior sounds so textbook INFP to me. Ideally you should have given him space when you started to see the warning signs of him backing off. It's when I would need space and my boyfriend wouldn't understand that, so instead he'd bombard me with too much lovey phone calls, flowers, etc.... that's when I would finally make the decision to end the madness. Jeez, I just needed some space sometimes...

Added:
The only scenario I can think of when an INFP will appear to desparately want space, but they shouldn't get it, is when there's a conflict in the relationship. Don't let an INFP run away or leave the conflict mad. For most INFP's under extreme stress, they'll pretty much lose all logical thinking abilities. At that point, it would be beneficial for a 'T' to swiftly step in and diffuse the conflict in their calm magical way. ...AND lucky for you, you are a 'T'...which would be helpful, if you get back together with him. F's are pretty easy to reel back in when there's conflict, if you stay calm, nice/firm, keep it light, and be confident... in that order. Whatever you do, do not verbalize any value judgements towards an INFP when they're already stressed out (aka, interpreted by INFP as name calling); just stick to the facts or say something witty. There's an art to it, but I think it's pretty natural for 'T's to pull off. INFP's don't typically care who is right or wrong in a fight; we just want to get rid of the bad feelings ASAP. If we did something wrong, then we want to be assured it is forgiven and forgotten. If you take that approach, I think you will find your INFP to be very forgiving.

I cut all ties. It ain't happening again.
 
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