[MBTI General] Bloody INFPs and their capacity to turn INTJs into fuzzy hug addicts.

[Fidelia]

Thanks OrangeAppled and Biaxident - I'm glad if it's remedied with maturity because I like all you people. I just hate (bad) surprises. Especially emotional ones.

You two seem so reasonable, but it was worrying me...and I didn't know there were ample hints. In that case...

 

[the state i am in]

Maybe that's the difference. I'm already a hardened realist. Even though Mr. INFP turned out to not be able to deal with me or whatever the issue was, he had a kind heart, and was so ridiculously idealistic that he glowed. I want that glow. I already know how to bring people down to earth; I want someone who can get me into the clouds.

infj. my intj is really supportive and acts treats my writing like it's rilkean. i actually put her thru something like this before, but she gave me another chance. it's bc the last sentence.

even when i get fickle or moody or just caught in one of those ephemeral moments or whims, she puts up with it and always feels like home to me. i trust her to see the best in me and get me back on the right track, and, as a result, she's seen 100x more of me than anyone else. parts of me were invented with her. in contrast, she knows i can see down to the very core. i may not share her Fi the same way an infp would, but i share Ni perceptions to ridiculous degree. and can do magic tricks with them! and she knows i can see her as a whole more than anyone else ever could. which is extremely freeing (plus we both are in love with domesticity).

if you need a hint, sometimes you can pry an infj open all the way and kinda skip steps by feeding him magic mushrooms so that he gets so open all you can do is laugh that he can't stop trying to bear hug the entire world at once!

also, N dom can be a revelation.

 

[OrangeAppled]

and I didn't know there were ample hints. In that case...

Feelers usually pick that stuff up easily. Dealing with denser NTs and STs is where things can be tricky . The INFP may have to take a more unnatural direct style, when of course, we prefer the more subtle, informative style. Informative style can leave too much interpretation up to the other person, meaning that wishful thinking on their part can block our hints. However, the direct style, often coming through inferior Te, may make INFPs seem cold and terse, because it's not our usual way. It's not excuse though, because as I said before, age/maturity usually adds finesse in these matters.

 

[Lex Talionis]

I must admit that INFPs have a certain air of sincere exuberance about them (if you get to know them) that draws me in. It's more of a playful relationship where I find the INFP (female, males are a different story) adorable, like a little ball of yarn in my paws.

Bad analogy? Perhaps, but it's the best I can come up with.

 

[the state i am in]

Feelers usually pick that stuff up easily. Dealing with denser NTs and STs is where things can be tricky . The INFP may have to take a more unnatural direct style, when of course, we prefer the more subtle, informative style. Informative style can leave too much interpretation up to the other person, meaning that wishful thinking on their part can block our hints. However, the direct style, often coming through inferior Te, may make INFPs seem cold and terse, because it's not our usual way. It's not excuse though, because as I said before, age/maturity usually adds finesse in these matters.

i had a situation with an infp 4w5 where i think i crossed a line when i had no understanding of the signals whatsoever. then another time i had no idea that i wasn't crossing the line when i was supposed to. in the first instance i felt badly about it afterward for a month or two. it was terrible. i may be kind of a dunce generally in this way, but i didn't think it/she was clear at all. it took us a month or two just to be able to communicate again at all, which is weird, bc even our N games were all blocked up, and i wasn't pushing for anything in particular (altho i was mighty impressed by her). i felt like she was very hostile and she said i was just being crazy, that she didn't feel like that at all. i guess we were both probably quite wary of each other and just overly introverted and cautiously you-make-the-first-move-or-we-will-never-talk-again kind of approach.

 

[Cranky]

There is certainly no doubt that he was hinting.

I just didn't know what he was hinting ABOUT.

Here's my problem: I'm used to being clueless about people, and so I've worked overtime to understand them. The issue is that I start with the assumption that I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to reading people, and I don't trust my own judgment about what their reactions mean. As a result, I either totally misunderstood what he was saying, or assumed that it couldn't mean what I thought it did.

Part of it was willful ignorance, and part of it was wishful thinking.

 

[runvardh]

Maybe that's the difference. I'm already a hardened realist. Even though Mr. INFP turned out to not be able to deal with me or whatever the issue was, he had a kind heart, and was so ridiculously idealistic that he glowed. I want that glow. I already know how to bring people down to earth; I want someone who can get me into the clouds.

Damn, I'm already grounded. I wish I had a safe place to float...

 

[OrangeAppled]

There is certainly no doubt that he was hinting.

I just didn't know what he was hinting ABOUT.

Here's my problem: I'm used to being clueless about people, and so I've worked overtime to understand them. The issue is that I start with the assumption that I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to reading people, and I don't trust my own judgment about what their reactions mean. As a result, I either totally misunderstood what he was saying, or assumed that it couldn't mean what I thought it did.

Part of it was willful ignorance, and part of it was wishful thinking.

And hey, a big part of it was that he wasn't being clear and direct enough.

 

[Bubbles]

moral of the story: DON'T BAKE FOR INFPs.

But...but...I want a pie baked with love!!

 

[Athenian200]

But...but...I want a pie baked with love!!

Here, just pour this in the next time you want one made.

You didn't think that love REALLY came from the INTJs own heart, did you?

And how do you think they make fast food taste so good? They put mass-produced love into it.

Love is rather fattening, though, so you might want to reconsider.

 

[Bubbles]

Here, just pour this in the next time you want one made.

You didn't think that love REALLY came from the INTJs own heart, did you?

And how do you think they make fast food taste so good? They put mass-produced love into it.

It all makes sense now! So many things are suddenly clear to me. Like how McDonald's and Burger King make little children come back for more. I must buy this bottled love you speak of!

Love is rather fattening, though, so you might want to reconsider.

Fattening? Hmm, well, y'know. On the internet, no one knows your weight.

 

[Cranky]

I must buy this bottled love you speak of!

Grammar: I must buy this bottled love of which you speak!

Imperfection bothers me. (You people are aware that when an INTJ corrects your grammar, it is an act of love, right?)

Also, you were right about the bottled love. There is a secret factory in Scott's Bluff, Nebraska. There, we have chained up many baby INFPs and we extract the love and purity of the innocent, render it down, and distribute it to all the INTJs so we can attract mates of suitable sentimentality, and hence pliability.

My darkened office, wingback chair, and evil cat are on the top floor.

 

[Athenian200]

Grammar: I must buy this bottled love of which you speak!

Imperfection bothers me. (You people are aware that when an INTJ corrects your grammar, it is an act of love, right?)

Also, you were right about the bottled love. There is a secret factory in Scott's Bluff, Nebraska. There, we have chained up many baby INFPs and we extract the love and purity of the innocent, render it down, and distribute it to all the INTJs so we can attract mates of suitable sentimentality, and hence pliability.

My darkened office, wingback chair, and evil cat are on the top floor.

You use unprocessed INFP love?

That explains why it's so fattening, then. Might need to start giving those babies skim milk so their love will be less fattening.

 

[Udog]

Okay... now that the subject has come to people NOT baking us food, it's gotten serious. I can't ignore this any longer. ...

Ok, so here is the REAL question: are there any unbroken INFP males out there? I may have issues, but I know what they are, and I deal quite well with them. Do YOU?

It's hard for INFP males to find safe places to deal with many of the issues we have. We generally don't fit the normal mold, and advice that applies to most guys can do us more harm than good. It takes awhile for us to realize that, and even longer to begin synthesizing our own answers.

However, I find most INFPs to be very hard people break. Internal fortitude is our strength; one born directly from our sensitivity to everything. It can just be difficult for us to learn how to externalize that internal strength and become functional.

I really want to know the answer to it, because I am DEFINITELY attracted to you people more than any other type, and I want to know the warning signs.)

I think he had a responsibility to spit out that he did not see us together, and was not attracted to me in the same way that I was to him. Instead, he ran, and I chased, and chased, and chased...until I finally threw the gauntlet down and demanded either reciprocation or the truth about how he felt...and he STILL avoided, until I called him on it; it was then that I heard about three of the coldest sentences I've ever heard, and I proceeded to shatter into little tiny pieces on the asphalt.

Honestly, the best thing you can do is know your standards and hold true to them. For example, you clearly want a man that can be direct with you about his feelings. Your INFP clearly lacked this ability. In the future, learn that if a man continues to be wishy-washy when you need the games to end, he isn't worthy of you.

By the way - I have tremendous sympathy for you. While I don't know the whole story, I've come to despise the NFP (I've always considered it more of an ENFP thing, but us INFPs can be bad about it too) tendency to put alot of effort into opening someone up, and then moving on once they do.

 

[Cranky]

By the way - I have tremendous sympathy for you. While I don't know the whole story, I've come to despise the NFP (I've always considered it more of an ENFP thing, but us INFPs can be bad about it too) tendency to put alot of effort into opening someone up, and then moving on once they do.

This is going to sound a bit strange...and I certainly don't want to act like a total drama queen, but how I really feel is violated. Not really in any sexual sense, but more as if someone cracked open my brain, shuffled about to get what they wanted, and failed to properly reorder everything when leaving. Also, they didn't suture me properly, and now I'm leaking goo and huggles.

 

[Udog]

This is going to sound a bit strange...and I certainly don't want to act like a total drama queen, but how I really feel is violated. Not really in any sexual sense, but more as if someone cracked open my brain, shuffled about to get what they wanted, and failed to properly reorder everything when leaving. Also, they didn't suture me properly, and now I'm leaking goo and huggles.

When I'm trying to really connect with someone, I almost feel like I'm delicately poking and prodding around their brain, so your analogy makes perfect sense to me. The fact that your INFP didn't respect what you were letting him do (and from the sounds of it, this isn't uncommon behavior with INFPs) really upsets me.

When someone lets us into their core, it can be almost like a euphoric rush that we get from some drug. Some less controlled people dive in like a druggie, and when the buzz wears off, look at the mess they've made while shuffling through their brains, wonder what happened, and then want nothing to do with it.

Of course, the drug like euphoria isn't an entirely bad thing. Afterall, it's sort of what you liked about him, right? I think some of my best qualities stem from the blind joy I get when I connect with someone. Your job is to try and determine if we are being responsible with what you give us, or if we are abusing it like a druggie.

This post has grown way too long. I can continue on with my thoughts on methods that you may be able to use to help heal yourself, if you are interested.

 

[Laurie]

I hate when I meet bloody INFPs. It's just so messy.

 

[Udog]

I hate when I meet bloody INFPs. It's just so messy.

Says she who is licking a knife.

 

[Cranky]

When I'm trying to really connect with someone, I almost feel like I'm delicately poking and prodding around their brain, so your analogy makes perfect sense to me. The fact that your INFP didn't respect what you were letting him do (and from the sounds of it, this isn't uncommon behavior with INFPs) really upsets me.

When someone lets us into their core, it can be almost like a euphoric rush that we get from some drug. Some less controlled people dive in like a druggie, and when the buzz wears off, look at the mess they've made while shuffling through their brains, wonder what happened, and then want nothing to do with it.

Of course, the drug like euphoria isn't an entirely bad thing. Afterall, it's sort of what you liked about him, right? I think some of my best qualities stem from the blind joy I get when I connect with someone. Your job is to try and determine if we are being responsible with what you give us, or if we are abusing it like a druggie.

This post has grown way too long. I can continue on with my thoughts on methods that you may be able to help heal yourself, if you are interested.

I'm quite interested, actually. The part of me that isn't cowering under my desk with swollen eyes and ripped Kleenex is fascinated to find out how these brain chemicals work. Also, my piano lesson last night went quite well; I'm doing my best to transmute these feelings into something useful. Hence, jazz piano and Bach.

The things that piss me off:

(1) I wasted TIME on him.
(2) I was WRONG about him.

That pretty much covers it.

 

[runvardh]

I'm quite interested, actually. The part of me that isn't cowering under my desk with swollen eyes and ripped Kleenex is fascinated to find out how these brain chemicals work. Also, my piano lesson last night went quite well; I'm doing my best to transmute these feelings into something useful. Hence, jazz piano and Bach.

I like his organ music

The things that piss me off:

(1) I wasted TIME on him.
(2) I was WRONG about him.

That pretty much covers it.

(1) then don't waste more time, then.
(2) you're human, like it or not.